Just How Gay Are You ?

70/30 guy/gal after my last divorce (at the time I was 50/50) I have had time to properly explore the gay side of my sexuality. I find that I’m more comfortable in sexual situations with men. It’s more fluid so to speak. I’m more comfortable because guys can go with the flow more than women and a lot less “expectations”

 

Probably 40/60 gay as I think about gay sex more often and desire it more. Problem is my wife caught me having a fling with a guy. Now I’m in SA my sex life sucks and have been with a guy in 7 months. I really miss it and kinda wish I could end my marriage but it’s complicated but honestly not sure of my future. If I stay with her then basically I can’t ever have MM sex again and honestly not sure I can do that. I didn’t find my bi, gay side till my late 30s and have been playing with men for the last several years and have really accepted to my self I like men! At least for sex not sure about a relationship but maybe so , as men are way less complicated.

 

For me its Bi necessities. I do it because its an acceptable alternative to cheating with a woman. My friends wife feels the same way about her husband. He and I can get our rocks off with each other and they are ok with that. If we cheated with a woman, they would castrate us, but since they both like to watch us, they actually promote it. I wouldnt know how to rate it . Neithr of us like guys. We just like sex and if we have to deal with another old dick, so be it.

 

I do not equate sex with long-term commitment. The two can go together, but they do not necessarily go together. Sex and physical intimacy takes place in the moment for a relatively short period of time, and commitment requires lots of work and far more than sex over a very long period of time.

If I am with a male or female who feels the same way about sex being an independent variable, our choice to be physically intimate together almost never leads to a long-term commitment. With that as a starting point, and with my childhood homophobia totally vanished during my first sexual encounter with another affectionate male way back in my early 20s, I can confidently state that I am equally happy making love with a man, a woman, or person who is blend of maleness and femaleness.

For me, the whole key is whether the lover is an interesting and receptive person, not their gender identification.

I know enough about how to be engaged in a safe form of sex to not become a vector for sexually transmitted diseases, so who and when I become intimate with another person is my business alone, and does not impact my long-term relationship commitments. I freed myself from society's rules about sex a long time ago.

 

I had been getting increasingly more gay over several years and about two years ago I decided I am at least 99% so. Only men could get me off. Here's something weird though and I guess sexuality is VERY fluid because I have always found girls with a few extra pounds sexier. In the last few months though, I have become crazy for fat women. I'm still down for fucking a gut at a moments notice but these days I have been masturbating more and more to pictures of fat women.

 

I believe all men have some attraction to men in one way or another. It may be a fleeting thought of what would it be like to full blown participation with men only. I find the male athletic body very attractive. Possibly because I know what it takes to maintain that level of fitness. The body of the male model as seen in the Christmas time perfume commercials is the epitome of men to me. It's not that I want to explore that body sexually but I do find the visual aspect of him attractive. As far as having sex with another man I can't imagine doing so. I have seen nude men with attractive penises but I only look briefly and think no more of it. What percentage towards being gay would that make me? Probably very low if not even zero. Women on the other hand I find and am attracted to in all sizes shapes and colors. She can be from Playboy ready to fluffy. I love women to the point I become wrought with desire to have sex with them.

 

I never thought of that but it makes sense. I feel I was always attracted to men as a teen but it took awhile as an adult to develop sexual feelings. I feel as I got older I became more open minded and trying new things. I'm still attracted to women as well as transgenders.

 

I'm not generally attracted to males, especially when they're clothed. Once in a while I'll see an erect penis which captures my immediate interest and imagination--or a quivering bare buttock; but, in general, male bodies don't interest me much at all.

But that hasn't precluded my participation in MM connections. That's because it's the anticipated activity itself that greatly interests and excites me, and usually not the potential partner's personal traits, although I can be very responsive to skillful and thoughtful vocal and manual seduction. So, I'm usually the chosen one, and not the chooser, which just seems natural to me.

 

Probably more than most yet still carry out a hetero-sexual image. I need cock, I want cock, I desire cock, and my wife knows it and accepts it. I have sex more often with our boyfriend than I do with her but yet she continues to support it knowing it's who I am. I need her and she also knows that as I still desire her pussy and all the woman she is but presently "cock" is what satisfies me the most which is also available having a shared boyfriend to satisfy us both. I believe we reached our sexual peeks at 58 & 62 having finally been able to explore what truly is satisfying to one another after having been so closed minded for so many years. We've both always said "Aging sucks", you ache more often, you creek at times, but when we indulge ourselves with our lovers (M/F couple) we feel like we are 30 again.

 

I love how sex rejuvenates you two and this is the kind of experience I'm looking for, for everyone involved of course!

 

You definitely aren't the only one who's had a gay man tell you that bisexual guys don't exist. I've had a few different gay men try and tell me that only another guy and cock would/will make me "truly happy." Nope. That's not how this works. Yes, I'm bisexual, and a total bottom with men, but no guy could ever replace or replicate the emotional and intimate bond I have with my wife

 

I'd have to say that I'm not all that gay; it's a sexuality and lifestyle choice that doesn't fit the way I am or the way I've always been: Bisexual. I've had gay men tell me that I'd make for a great gay man... if I'd just leave women alone and I'm never going to do that nor am I going to consign myself to a single source of sex and other pleasures. Don't get me wrong: I love having sex with men... but I don't love it enough to be gay and I wouldn't even front like that.

 

Well-seeing as how I-throughout life-had always been attracted to fellows only-I would guess that would say I was 100% (straight acting) gay; though if I COULD change sexuality-I would indeed opt for "asexual"; life HAS to be less painful and hypocritical when you pocess NO desire for EITHER gender-------a lot less loneliness and hurting as well--------

 

What makes you think that you can't change your mind about your sexuality? People do it every day. There's a lot of bullshit we have to deal with regarding sexuality and it's inherent that there will be loneliness and hurt along the way because that's life but you're either going to learn how to roll with the punches and revel in your sexuality or you're going to keep kicking your own ass about it and I gotta ask: Which thing makes the most sense if you're looking to be a happier camper? And if you're not a happy camper, why aren't you?

 

Well being bashed by a friend/co-worker who went berserk just because I was honest and SAID I was gay (and I was pushed into this) left this writer with no desire to try to find a life-partner That bashing scarred this fellow on the inside far greater than I was scarred on the outside-you clearly pocess a good head on your shoulders-------

 

I've been bashed. I've had violence or berserk behaviors directed my way because I'm not straight. Never been of a mind to let others dictate my life or send it spiraling down the drain because if I do that, they win. Fuck that. Wounds heal. Scars fade away. Who says you have to have a life partner? Exactly who is running your life? You or the unrealistic expectations foisted upon us by a prejudiced social structure? The moment you let someone steal your joy, you're hosed; now it's about what, if anything, you're going to do to get your joy back... but if you do nothing, well, there's your problem, right?

 

So sorry to hear that you were bashed yourself; hatred of ANY kind (orientation/religion/race/skin color) is like a insidious disease without a cure-----if only society could learn to ACCEPT people AS they ARE this world would be a far better place------if prejudices of ANY kind-were not so hurtful and despicable it would indeed be laughable-----how ignorant and downright STUPID it is to hate ANYONE for what they are--------

 

Yes, if only. But since we don't know how to behave like the civilized creatures we say we are, for me - and, perhaps, for others - the choices are clear: Let the negativity and ugliness steal our joy and be miserable for the rest of our lives... or ignore the dumb shit and live your life the way you want to. To me, this one is a no-brainer and no matter how gay you think you are (or really are). Ignore the dumb shit. Stop living in the past and live in the now. Be happy. Repeat.

 

I wish you could find relief with a therapist over this trauma, so you could be free to enjoy being yourself with another man?
I highly encourage you to consider finding a therapist who does EMDR therapy to treat what seems like PTSD from that awful attack. Please at least look into reading up about it, as the eye movement therapy has really helped many people overcome awful things that happened to them? Wishing you well!

 

Thank you friend------I appreciate the concern and support--------