After 20 years of sex in the dark,a wife finds out her husband always used a dildo on her... She said : "Explain the dildo Prick"?! He said : "Explain the kids bitch"?!
Why did the blonde have a bruise on her navel? Her boyfriend was blonde too. A blonde takes her goldfish to the vet. Vet asks what's wrong with it. Blonde says "I think it has epilepsy." Vet says "Looks fine to me." Blonde says "Well look what happens when I take it out of the bowl." A Blonde and a brunette get on an elevator, and a guy in a suit gets on in front of them. The brunette notices that he has dandruff on his suit, and whispers to the blonde, "Someone should give him some Head and Shoulders." Blonde asks, "How do you give shoulders?"
Riddle- I am dry but as soon as I get in, I get wet. The more you shake me, more strong it gets. By the time you pull me out, I have lost all my taste. WHO AM I? Answer- Tea Bag (But, I like the way, your mind works =)
Three mice from New Jersey are hanging out and start arguing over who is the toughest mouse. Mouse1: You know that rat poison they put out? I take it back to my place. In the AM I like to grind some up and put it in my coffee... gives me a nice buzz to start the day. Mouse 2: You know those old spring action mouse-traps they put out? I walk up to them, kick the cheese out, catch the bar as it comes down. I do a few pushups with it to work up an appetite. THEN I go over and eat the cheese. Mouse 3: Shakes his head at his 2 pathetic pals, looks at his watch, sighs, and says, "I don't have time for this bullshit....I gotta go home and fuck the cat"
A Hippie walks in a bar and orders a beer. At the other end of the bar is an old indian that keeps staring at him. So finally the hippie gets tired of it and walks over and asks the indian why he keeps staring at him. The old indian relies, "Many moons ago, I was in the wilderness, and I was lonely, and I fucked a buffalo, and I think you're my kid."
from the joke server..... I'm convinced that in a past life I was somebody named Occupant, and they're still forwarding my mail. Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus. It's possible that my whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. I feel much better, now that I've given up hope. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Jack Nicolas, Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods were on the 18th green when they got struck by lightening. When they got up to heaven, God was sitting on his thrown and asked them what they each believed. Jack said he believed in the integrity of the game. Arnie said he believed in being faithful to his fans. Tiger said, "I believe you're in my seat."
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a homosexual? A frig doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. What's gross? Kissing grandma goodnight, and she Frenches it. What's grosser than gross? A hickey on a hemorrhoid.
My wife is so ungrateful. Every time I giver her an orgasm, she spits it out. Why are pubic hairs curly? So they don't poke you in the eye. What's the last thing you hear before a pubic hair hits the floor? PFT!
What do you call a two legged cow? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call an American woman with a stump leg? Ileane. What do you call an oriental woman with a stump leg? Irene. What does a one legged ballerina wear? a one one
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't "peanut butter" my dick down your throat
bathroom graffiti... "I'll trade two blind crabs for one without teeth." How to get rid of crabs... Shave one side of pubic area, lite other side on fire. When crabs run to bald side stab them with an ice pick.
That reminds me of Johnny in the RODEO SONG.... Here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand, he's a ONE BALL MAN.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tX6ggRByE8g"]Rodeo Song with lyrics - YouTube
Three catholic priests are on a boat with three young boys. The boat starts to sink. The first priest says, "we've gotta save the boys!" The second priest answers, "fuck the boys!" The third priest replies, "i've been trying!"
Teacher asks Johnie, "How many shots would it take you to shoot two birds off a fence? Johnie replies, "Don't have to shoot them, just fire once in the air and they'll fly away." Teacher says, "The answer I was looking for was two, but I like the way you think." Johnie says, "Ok teach, I got one for you. Three women are sharing an ice cream cone. One licks it, another bites it, and the third sucks on it. Which one is married?" Teacher says, "I know you are going to say the one that sucks on it." Johnie says, "No, it's the one with the ring on her finger, but I like the way you think."
