Jerks Or The Nice Guy?

Maybe those girls just wanted sex too? I mean, that's why I didn't end it immediately with my ex... it was when he started neglecting my needs in bed too. That's when he turned into a jerk, IMO.

See, I don't run into single, confident guys very often. I inevitably hang out with the nerds who have such low self esteem that they can barely function in a relationship. That's why I don't wanna be holding their hand through life. I simply have no patience for it.

 

we are just animals after all. a female animal wants a male who is strong, can lead, has power/resources. I think the qualities possessed are usually with dickheads. I think the perfect guy would be one who has all these things but still manages to never insult or hurt a womans feelings.

Ive only realised recently that this is why ive failed in previous relationships, that have ended in being the 'friend'

i think this is why lesbians are more often than not (from the ones ive known) confident, cocky, and determined, and why many gay men are caring and sensitive. its caus they dont want to be somthing they themselves do not want to have. i guess its the easy way to a relationship.

just as women want all the thigns this thread has identified, i think guys in general want a woman who will pleasure him, emotionally, sensually, intellectually. Men dont want a bitch as a girlfriend unless she puts out. chicks dont want a nice or hot dude unless he shows his power and dominance

i interestingly read in a magazine that women subconsciosuly will have an orgasm more easily with a man who exerts power and dominance, despite any conscious uncomforts. This is probably why tehre are women who love old rich men.. it probably goes past the money they get, and goes to the fact that they are simply attractive on an animal level.

perhaps a lot of breakups occur because a woman or man's attraction does not fit in with their oppinions or lifestyle or logic. its rather clear that attraction is not something a woman can rationalise.

my biggest problem atm is that i dont meet any girls ive wanted to try something with in ages! it sucks! ive not been to much of a socialisation in months! last time.. if i had thought to pack a condom.. id have lost my virginity to a lesbian! I got a lesbian to want to fuck me. fuck oath i dunno waht i did but i guess it was since ive become less caring about what the group thinks of me, and be meself (oh yer and we were both very stoned haha. and it was her stuff, if anyone calls daterape!). i dont care anymore, but i am still i think too thoughtful to women caus ive hurt some in the past and it ended up hurting myself.

and shaba, your just being silly, read what your saying. your saying your confident about life and not afraid of anything. but your afraid that your gonna get laughed at by some superficial woman? if your so confident, youd be slipping your number on a piece of paper into every woman's breasts at the mall, just for fun. anywya man, from your picture im sure there are heaps of women whod find you attractive. you aint some stud but your not exactly ugly. a confident person is someone who does whatever they want to get what they want. you want pussy, like any other guy (unless you want cock) and so confidence is not being afraid to try n get pussy. as said, confidence about life means jack shit unless you happen to be in some conversation about life, in which case, also as said, a girl would probably just think your making it up to appear attractive. it doesnt matter that you think your confident, it only matters if THEY think your confident, and i dont think most people percieve an introverted, cynicle stoner as being confident, no matter what he says about his outlook on life.

in conclusion arent women selfish? they are so sensitive and all that and yet they complain whenever a man needs their help

 

I know that's what I want, but I don't speak for all chicks.

The biggest problem is finding someone who's willing to be the powerful person in the relationship. Society has told a lot of guys that they're supposed to be caring, and oversensitive, and let the woman wear the pants in the relationship.

I don't want to wear the pants! Just because I tend to lead other relationships (especially work groups where morons are involved), doesn't mean I want to lead the romantic relationship. Call me old fashioned, but the man should be the pant-wearer. All of my guy friends (99% of whom are nerds) want a strong woman, they find someone who leads the relationship appealing. But the way you act in a friendship can be completely opposite of how you [want to] act in a relationship.

grr.

 

women want a man that will take charge in bed. that is just part of human behavior.
SOME women see the "asshole" as someone that will do that. instinctually. so its actually a dual between the mind and the body. Our mind tells us that we should find a guy that is careing and sensitve to our emotions; our body tells us that we need someone to shag us good.

Some girls actually NEED to be treated like shit because that is just how they are. I am not one of those girls so I don't really understand it completely.

But I will admit that a man that is looking for someone to take care of him(momma's boy) is a COMPLETE turn-off.

 

you shouldn't speak for every woman

 

Without going into too much psycho-babble: people with low self esteem by definition think they deserve nothing, so when someone treats them nice they can't feel comfortable and think 'I don't deserve this - something's not right'. So you'll see women leave guys who treat them well for guys who smack them around because at least with the latter it matches what they think they should be getting.

 

I tend to fall for jerks by accident.

 

in the past i always fall for the initial nice guys, and then realize theyre jerks later on lol

 

So riddle me this.

I'm definately an alpha male. Usually end up leading whatever group I'm in (not really comfortable with that, but it keeps happening). Good looking (sudden transformation when I cut my hair, still can't believe it every time I hear it), Intelligent (scarily so), and in good shape. I'm strong willed, driven, and independant, but I will always make time for someone who needs me (until the first couple times it gets thrown back in my face). I'm moral to a point that most people find it uncomfortable. I'm very empathic once I get some one "dialled in". I help people, am a great listener, can't stand mean people. Oh, yeah, and by all accounts I'm pretty damn good in the sack

BUT, I'm socially retarded. Between a seriosly isolated childhood and the intillectual level I usually operate on, I have a bitch of a time relating to people. I really can't develope any genuine rapor with someone until After I have "figured them out." I often come across as aloof and have been called arrogant more times than i think is fair. I tend to be very self concious (has lead to self improvement) and introverted. Worse still, grew up w/o a mother figure or any female family. I was a social outcast during my teen years when most people are learning how to flirt and shit. Seriously, I'm not sure I I'm being hit on unless she is coming onto me like a Mack truck. Actually, I might still be a virgin if not for this. The fact that it has happened multiple time means something I guess. Forget having the slightest clue how to hit on a chick. I have a hard enough time having a conversation with someone i don't know, flirting is just beyond me. And I am terrified of rejection by women ( , working on that one).

Damn, that was long winded and probably sounded arrogant (which is why I hate talking about myself).

So here's the problem. I'm almost exclusively attracted to strong, independant women. My broad guidelines are independent, intelligent, and liberal minded. Superficially, I'm looking for someone in some semblance of decent shape. As a rule of thumb, someone able to hike all afternoon with a small pack.
I see women like this periodically and think how very cool it would be if I was with a woman like that. But have no idea how to go about getting there .

Anyone have and really good tips or shortcuts? And does this post sound arrogant?

 

Shit, I just had diarhea of the keyboard. Guess I had some stuff to get of my chest. Anyways, rather than edit it, I'm going to copy it to the Personals forum, lol. Links to my photo album if i actually entrigued any single women.

 

keowyn - it sounds like you mostly need to find a gal who will give you a decent chance at getting to know one another before she writes you off, for whatever reason.

and, not to be rude, but you may want to reconsider some of your requirements for a date. There are plenty of independent, intelligent, and liberal minded women that I know - but they tend to focus their efforts on that rather than working out all the time. Likewise for the reverse (not saying that people who work out are unintelligent, but generally there's a focus between the two, not both) When your standards seem to high for a potential partner to achieve, they'll generally quit before they can get hurt.

 

k i didnt wanna make a new thread. but does anyone here know a good book i could read about something related to this.
or something along the lines of understanding girls, people, relationships. i dont know just some thing like that.... sorry if this post is confusing...

i heard of a book called men are from mars, women are from venus has anyone read it??

 

i've got no problem with men searching for a physical ideal. i do the same. just don't fucking bitch about her behind her back and call her names if she DARES to disappoint you. (and don't pretend you didn't know this was the issue, lotus)

anyway, keown, you sound a lot like dave. nothing wrong with any of that. the poor guy has no idea when someone's flirting with him, and i practically had to jump on him to get him to realize i was interested. there's nothing wrong with that. the fact that you like independent, strong women pretty much gaurantees that with your personality that's what you'll get.

personally, i think anyone who spends all their time in the gym looking for the perfect form, or watching every single thing going into their mouth is a moron. there's way better things to do with your time. your reasonably healthy woman may not be a size 6, unless she just got lucky genetically. the rest of us who love the outdoors tend to be a wee bit thicker, though firm. if i were you, i'd try out the durango, colorado, area. LOTS of gorgeous healthy women there, emotionally and physically.

 

Lotus - I was just saying that I haven't met or found many people who fit what keowyn had said he was looking for. It was simple as saying that specific person is rare - of all the people I've ever met, only two or three would fall under the descriptors he used.
I never accused him of being shallow, I was just letting him know about how few people that -I- have met that fit. And I certainly don't feel insecure about myself, so I'd appreciate it if you kept your judgements about those whom you know nothing about to yourself, please and thanks.

 

lotus is a reformed fat person. he's got personal issues to deal with.

 

oh hell, who doesn't have issues to deal with these days? A small waist doesn't mean that you have more confidence or self-esteem anyways. My friends who have the strongest belief in themselves are more 'normal' sized - 6-10 size range, instead of 0-4 range. Not saying that skinny people have, by necessity, low self-esteem. My cousin has amazing belief in herself, and she's ranged from a 6 to a 14 in size, and has always been happy with herself, but due to some medications and stress, she changed sizes drastically.

 

Well, going back to the original subject (lol) Faded, you also have to realize that most "jerks" put on a "nice facade". All the jerks I dated started out being nice as pie. The girls who actually are attracted to guys who say "oh hey lets fuck" are looking for a good time, and not a relationship, whether they realize it or not. I've had "a good time" with guys who were jerks, but it was all about the sex...when you're in that stage of your life you don't want a nice guy...you'll just end up breaking his heart...lol guys aren't the only one who need to sew up wild oats! Plus if you think about it, guys who are looking for sex only usually look for "whoreish" girls.

There does seem to be somewhat of a phenomenon though, I mean the nice guys I've dated have always been less experienced than me, including my husband (although for a long time he was a virgin for Jesus) Maybe it does have sometning to do with confidence? But my longest relationship have been with nice guys, and I married one. My advice would be to just get out there! ask girls out...if you're scared of rejection you have to get over it! People get rejected all the time, the ones who end up in couples are the ones who don't give up

 

"keep chasing the type of person you are attracted to. don't settle for "less" just because someone was insecure and accused you of being shallow."

I don't think anyone really thought you were talking about them, just that you're giving out bad advice. A lot of the people who look forever for a girl that looks like a model are the ones who have only their computer porn for any company at all. If you have rigid expectations then it's most likely that if anyone DOES fit it they don't want you, because you probably aren't as perfect as the person you'll accept. the secret to finding happiness with another is to have basic expectations yes, but to keep your mind and heart open.

"also, women are just as shallow as men, to be honest. if you think about it, guys go after looks, women go after status/confidence type stuff. but if you think about it both are extremely shallow, because a person is mind, body, and spirit. if you pick one over any others (looks, or personality, etc) you're being shallow.and just because you have a certain type of lady/dude you like, doesn't make you shallow."

Everybody has to be physically attracted to their partner, no one is disputiung that. Yes of course we are shallow too, but I look for looks, not status/whatever. Girls and guys are not sao different. Try to understadn that not all people fit in a box. My husband and I barely make ends meet, but he's hot. lol The point is if you won't even consider someone unless they look like a model (or have a nice car or whatever), then you ARE shallow. My husband's teeth aren't the best, they're just crooked, but he's not perfect. He's hot. but if I had had very rigid expectations then I probably wouldn't have accepted his invitation to go out on a date with him. when he met me I wasn't at my fittest, I was getting there, but if he had had very rigid expectations, he might not have asked me out. So that's my point.

 

yes, it's his life, I just think he'll be looking at "perfect girls" in porn when he's 40 and has no wife, kids, nothing. Hey, everybody can do whatever they want, but that doesn't mean they'll get what they want. hey, I'm not jumping all over you don't worry. lol As for changing preferences, that's not what I'm saying..just to keep an open mind. I'm not saying be willing to go out with the opposite sex of what you're attracted to, I'm personally of the opinion that you don't choose who you're attracted to anyway, whether you have a strict set of guidelines or not...of course you can ruin things with the person you're meant to be with if you hold on to the rigid restrictions. I was attracted to my husband when we first met, but for a little while I had a problem with his crooked teeth...was it worth breaking up? Obviously not cause I married him, and we're very happy. I didn't change my preferences, just compromised a little. I guess that's what I'm really saying..you DO have to be willing to compromise or else you never be successful in a realtionship anyway. I mean what if this guys finds a girl who's mostly great but she has smaller boobs than he wants or whatever?

 

sorry hon, but the comments were rather obviously aimed at me. So I get pissy about people assuming things based on no real facts, that means I have real issues? Oh lordy.

And please, point out to me where I called him shallow. I will apologize for it, if it's really there, because it was NEVER my intent to call anyone shallow. Yes people have preferences, and they are allowed to. But there is such a thing as setting the bar too high, and being unrealistic about what/who you can get.

I didn't say he had to change his preferences, I just said he may want to reconsider some of the standards/requirements he is setting for a date. I didn't say he can't like people who work out anymore, just that what he's looking for is rare.