Is Marriage Just Crap ?

Ohhh I never felt pressure to have children I just know that's what families want out of their daughters, right? Especially large German families. they want to see their daughter married and have kids and a family of their own.

I have rabbits. And fish. And a dog.

 

I guess Spanish families are the same. In wanting a big family. My family wanted me to get married and have kids too. I told them very early on (like early 20s) that i do not want marriage and i do not want children. Family members were like "oh, you're young, you'll change your mind. You don't know what you really want yet." I'm 35 and my mind hasn't changed. I thought about this early on.

 

Nuh uh

 

Ok, you caught me. I'm lying. I'm actually 55.

 

I am 70 in 9 days. I wish people would stop talking about age.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Your wedding sounded wonderful. Something like what you did would be really nice, with only a few close friends and family there

I know I want it to be in a beautiful location then we're already there and just start our honeymoon straightaway. Maybe with our closest friends and family there...maybe not..

Sameee...i dont care if I get married at the courthouse on a Tuesday, i'm still wearing a beautiful dress and having a fancy cake

 

I once dreamed of marriage as I thought I needed a husband to happy. Come to find out living apart and not having the label from the love of my life has been a continuous, epic adventure and every time we do see each other it's just well...magic. And it's still going strong after a decade.

 

We never really went on a proper honeymoon together. We were in the Netherlands just with my sisters and their partners. I know people go on honeymoons well after their marriage, for us we just wanted to get home together and start new life.

It was a part of our oaths that every year on the anniversary we open our display case with our hand binds and we bless them so I guess we could always go on an anniversary. Right now they are in a box I made, we never unwove them so they are still bound together we can put our hands back into them.

My idea came pretty much from Braveheart and the secret wedding scene. I always wanted to do something different that meant something to me. Really my wife doesn't believe all the stuff I do deep down but she is interested in it. I studied a lot on the origins of hand fasting and the more I read the more I felt like it was us as she is Irish and it is culturally acceptable for her and I to do that. I just felt it was intimate that way. And since I made all the stuff myself it felt a much more intimate. I like little crafty projects.

I'm going to show again our binds.

 

Honestly, I think marriage is real. I been married to the same person for 10 years and still going strong. Yeah we have problems like everyone else, but we chose to work them out. I guess couples stay married if they want to. I don't think that there is such a thing as a soulmate, I think we just marry our friend because lets face it, couples always start out as just friends or friends with benefits, right? I feel like most marriages fall apart because one of the two are either not willing to work out the issues anymore or they found someone else. In most cases its people cheating that leads to the break up or at least that is what has happened to people that I know. I wonder if gay marriages are the same? Is there the same problems or as many break ups as heterosexual couples? Because since your marrying your friend and usually your best friend is of the same sex doesn't this make things easier as far as fights and problems? I think in my case my wife and I have been staying in sync with our relationship because even though we are the same sex, we are different. Marriages that last a little longer are usually because they are different, like they say opposites attract. Also, people are not marrying much nowadays and I think because just as much as men don't care to marry neither do women. It used to be where women wanted to get married to have a family and what not, but it seems that as the years go by that is out of the question. It is now about taking care of yourself if you are not already married.

 

I like what was being said up there ^ about doing a wedding your own way. I never even cared about it being a legal thing. One of the most romantic weddings to me was Mickey and Mallory's vows on a bridge, cutting their hands and stuff : ) I wouldn't do that bit.. but the vibe was what I like.
But yeah, pretty much what Eloise said. I like the idea of dressing up and having a cake. I'd write my own vows that had less to do with promising things (which could change) and obligation, and more to do with declaring love and intentions. Don't think I'm going to find the husband to do this though, and I can live with that. Anyone who is madly focused on marriage, as a separate thing from a particular person, that's a bit weird.

 

But with a standard wedding and reception, people give you really nice cookware.

 

Marriage is such a commitment. I fear it. Staying together with the same person forever... it just feels to me like it might be a mistake. Might be really rewarding too, but I wouldn't know.

 

I don't think it should be any different than long term dating. No more "rewarding" than staying with the same person is, anyway.
The idea that it might be specifically rewarding in a different way is probably the reason for many failed marriages.
Getting married is something I think people should only do when they have become married, in practice, if you know what I mean.
Being "married" is just a state of being, and getting it formalized is up to the individuals, but no way should anyone get married in order to change something into something else. It doesn't work like that.

 

Yeah. I've never fantasized about a wedding at all, but I think I'd regret not having a dress and cake, and taking a few pics in the dress just to remember.
I think people think too much about weddings, and it ends up being stressful. I don't remember anything from most of the weddings that I've been to. You eat and drink and dance, and that's it.
I do remember one extraordinary cake though. Damn it was delicious.

Maybe I just want cake.

 

Like most major decisions in life, it comes at a time you are least capable of making it.
I married the wrong person, I got two great kids out of it but years of anguish.

 

Marriage is like a straight jacket pack full of must and must not's. best to like each other and live together.

 

I just got more convinced as I got older.

You are an idiot if you try after 40, trying to run around after a 5 year old when you are 45 or 50, unless you can pay for a full time nanny

 

What, youve only been married for what? The length of two nascar races.

There are fruit flies that have been alive longer than you have been married

 

Fruit flies only live 40 - 50 days.
I have been married for like 9 months.
And yes, I know everything. and yes, sometimes reading or hearing generic marriage problems from unmarried people is like nails on chalk boards.

I can tell you this much, other than a new ring to wear and another dress to hang up, nothing at all has changed in my life since getting married, other than another anniversary we get to celebrate and I don't see how or why that would change in the future. Instead of my girlfriend I introduce her as my wife.

There appears to be a huge hangup with people that just don't believe that two people can't live together happily, I don't know if it's just negative feedback because they can't find someone or what but, it's nonsense.

I dont know what marriage means to other people, but to me, was just the honourable thing to do. I've been with her for 15 years, I love her, don't plan on leaving her.. I best show her what she means to me. if you don't want to do that, that's cool too but don't try and convince me your reasons are right for me. Haha. That just won't slide.

I suppose there's many reasons to not get married too, but I also feel if you're worried about those reasons, they're probably not the one.