Shivaya, I have known you for a long time through this dippy hippy BBS. I can say that your intentions are pristine. Karma is not determined by action but by intention. Thus the person with bad intentions cannot expect a good return from life so they have no right to be mad when they get bad returns. A person with good intentions can wonder why bad things happen to them . That is karma - plain and simple. I know you believe in God. So do not offer advice about the ontology of Buddhism. However, you, like me, have many years of meditation experience, and we have done it from many traditions, so yes we can offer advice about meditation. It doesn't matter whether a person is Christian, Islamic, Buddhist, Hindu when shooting a gun. There is a gun, there is a target and there are ways to shoot. PS, I meet Buddhists who can't meditate even though they have do it for 50 yearsw - they act spacy and do mindfulness and are ponderous and can't function. They are sad. Mindfulness should make one more successful in action.