Is it possible to get out of the FZ?

they've been friends/he's been interested for 7 years. if he wasn't interested in a relationship with her then why would he bother?

what has the OP said that makes it sound like the ultimate goal is sex alone? is it just that any guy who wants more from a female friend must be a manipulative asshole who should just continue to be a good friend, aka her doormat?

 

Well the fact that he never mentioned wanting a relationship was a tipoff that he might not want a relationship. He used the phrase "hook up," which in my experience means sex. Maybe that's not what he meant, but it sounds like he's going for the rebound.

Good friend does not mean doormat, and the fact that you think it does suggests that you see girls as objects and wouldn't understand why someone would need time to grieve after a breakup. If he felt like a doormat and didn't enjoy being her PLATONIC friend, he would have severed ties long ago.

 

he must not enjoy being her PLATONIC friend entirely, or else he wouldn't be looking to change the dynamic of the relationship.

yeah, if you "hook up" with a stranger, that means sex, but in this case, at least to me it read more like "get together with," or "become more than just friends." besides, from what i've seen most relationships these days start with the sex and go from there. so hooking up sexually would often be the way to start something more serious. and when you consider that they are already good friends, sex is pretty much the primary difference between what they have and a relationship anyway.

 

Okay then that's where our opinions diverged.

1. If the girl isn't ready to start something new and he pressured her into "hooking up," that would be very damaging to her psyche. So in this case immediately going for it would be a mistake, most probably.

2. I would argue that there's a huge difference there, more than just sex. A boyfriend is not a friend. There's a completely different bond of trust in that relationship, the whole foundation changes when you go from friend to boyfriend.

 

well he basically said that he's not planning on pressuring her, just kind of putting it out there a bit, so that's probably not much of a concern here.

certainly a boyfriend is more than a friend, but he's still a friend. it's not exactly the same, but i wouldn't go so far as to say it's fundamentally different either.

 

Well I would. Again, difference of opinion I guess.

 

You clearly do not understand the concept of the fz.

To poster above, there's NOTHING different between a good friend and a boy/girlfriend, other than having sex, and some emotional bonds, but those depend on the friend, some plain friends have the strongest emotional bonds, and some couples are A-sexual. Not everyone is like you.

In my opinion, a better relationship may often result from longtime friends getting together than the traditional fuck or fz way of doing it.....

 

That's not how it works. I've had plenty of friends rejected, along with myself once or twice, because "we're friends". Apparently girls have strict categories they put you in, and if you're in one you can't ever be in the other. It's nothing to do with guys thinking women are slot machines.

 

Ok, here's something you all may want to consider: Sexual Chemistry. Sometimes it's there. Sometimes it's not. IT'S NOT PERSONAL!!! "Strict categories?" Maybe they just don't feel any sexual chemistry with you, and it's not your fault or her fault, it just is what it is. What exactly are women supposed to do? Have sex with you even if they don't feel like it?

And fyi, it's not just girls. I've been rejected by guys in the past who have put me in the fz, so stop acting like it's something only girls do. If a girl doesn't want to have sex with you, don't take it personally and move on. I've had to do the same.

And " there's NOTHING different between a good friend and a boy/girlfriend, other than having sex, and some emotional bonds," ? Really? Clearly you've never been married. I wholeheartedly agree that you need friendship as a solid foundation, and yes, my husband is my best friend. But I can promise you, I put up with WAY more shit from him than I would any other friend.

For the record, I don't think friends can't or shouldn't become lovers, and I think it's not always right to reject someone if you have a mutual attraction to them just because you're afraid of losing them as a friend. All I'm saying is this isn't always the case. Sometimes she's just not that into you.

So, to the OP: Sometimes it's possible, sometimes it's not. Not all women are the same, just like not every guy is the same. If she doesn't want anything more than friendship from you, there's no magical thing you can do to convince her otherwise. Either way, don't take it personally.

 

It's too bad you've never had a close friend.