Guys, there is such a thing as asexuality. It may last for the rest of one`s life, or it may be a time period, others are asexual from the day they are born. There`s nothing wrong with him, necessarily. But, there seems to be something wrong with the relationship. First, because OP and her husband seem to be passive-aggressive about it. If your husband doesn`t want to have sex, for the love of god, don`t put on lingerie or talk about kama sutra. He doesn`t want to have sex with you! Face it, and let him know that some kind of solution needs to be found. Likewise, her husband saying he`s "preoccupied" (for however many years!) is entirely avoidant, passive-aggressive bullshit. He simply does not want to have sex with her! Secondly, OP seems to be struck by the idea that marriage is some Cinderella never-ending sexual bliss. If the latter is true, than she might have had unrealistic expectations from the start. ------------- I agree with lively_girl`s solution. If he doesn`t want to have sex with you, I don`t see why he`d be averse to letting you have sex with someone else as long as proper boundaries are set, and OP is sensitive to his feelings. And, maybe, you guys can continue a live-in, asexual relationship. Nothing wrong with that.
Your first thing is to TELL him YOUR feelings ......................... then, if it's not medical and he refuses to "find help", find me, I'll show you where to find single or married men. I was married for 16 years....I KNOW all about compromise, playing as a team, in it for the kids, loving and dealing with spouse's (i've done my share) idiosyncrasies. As a "good wife", you've been patient. Hugs all around. BUT, something's got to give! Please, don't waste more of your life-time. Figure this out. Hopefully, it will include your spouse...if not..............
