I think my boyfriend is gay...

Just for the record, I asked him about this awhile ago...and he was able to look me in the eye and tell me that wasn't the case at all. He's not with me just because I gave him a place to stay. In fact, he told me he was pretty offended that I'd think something like that...I don't know, he's not a very good liar so I could tell that he wasn't lying about it.

I think by helping out like this, he can see I'm not going anywhere and will give him comfort in the fact that I care about him and that I'll be there for him when times are tough. No one else could take him in...what was I supposed to do? Let him live out in the Michigan cold? yeah, uh, I don't think so.

And it's not like I'm supporting him, he has a job and helps me out with bills...

Why do I feel like I'm defending myself???

 

It wasn't an observation though, was it? You were just doing the same thing you were doing in that other thread: responding to other people's points with irrelevant, uninsightful one-line answers for some god-unknown reason.

 

you don't have to defend yourself but you asked for advice and I am not here to make you feel bad about anything I just know from experience what works and what doesn't. And of course you couldn't let him be homeless but if I were in your situation I would tell him that you will be his friend but obviously his issues are preventing him from being a good boyfriend so untill he gets his stuff together and finds a place ect that you are just going to be friends. He will have so much more respect for you and will treat you right. You are dating right now and setting up the pattern for how you want this guy to treat you. It's easier if you demonstrate actions that warrnat respect and attention now because it's harder to reclaim those things after you've been with someone for awhile.

 

and I understand that he contributes financially I didn't say he was using you but he is still on your turf and guys aren't comftrable with that. They like to be the ones to set the rules but he can't if he's staying at your place. The only control he has to exercise is through not having sex.

 

I think the real problem is that you are offended by everything that everyone says. You are the sensitive type I see.

 

I'm slightly baffled where you're getting that from. Men have traditionally been the providers, but then traditionally women stayed at home and loked after the kids. It seems a little crass to say that he's got not respect for the girl just because he doesn't comply with a gender role rooted in traditions which were meant to be discarded 30-40 years ago.

Would you say that a girl had little respect for a man just because she lives with him and is not independent? I might be wrong, but I wouldn't have thought so.

I'm not trying to turn this into a gender role debate, it's just coming up a lot. If you reversed the situation, a guy who started a thread to the effect of "My girl doesn't want to fuck me, I think she's a lesbian" would probably not have got any sympathy whatsoever.

 

You're just randomly insulting people on-line based on your one-dimensional "observations". You are the fucktarded type I see.

 

Idiots, like you, make my observations all too clear.

 

i am SO ready to find me a girl who's not into the whole traditional gender role thingy. i would be much much much happier staying home, doing the cooking and cleaning, rubbing her feet after work and looking after the kids than i would going to work every day

 

Sorry I am traditional inthat aspect. I mean I want to fulfill my dreams and goals as far as my career goes before I have kids so that I will be able to do the right thing once I have them and have no resentment if and when I have them. Men and Women are equals just in different ways and I know what makes me feel safe and secure and it's being taken care of. In general in my experience and with people I have dated relationships work out much better if the male is the dominant person in the relationship. It's the way we are wired.

 

Some might argue that the one being provided for and housed is the dominant one, in the same way that a queen bee is not subservient to the rest of the hive.

 

...........................what?

 

like I said men and women are equals in relationships just in different ways. Staying home and raising kids are something that both partners have to work for financially I have every intention on working once or if I get married-just not when I have kids. Personally I have never had to make a big decision for myself and I really don't want to ever have to make one nor have I ever had to support myself financially or emotionaly so security and safety is something that i value when it comes to finding someone.

 

Annie
I have read this whole thread and I swear you were describing me I was thinking on this a while I come off as cold and hard to get close to. I have had some sick shit happen in my little short life. It tends to be a cloud hiding the sun not in everything but alot. I am gonna say tha he has alot of shit affecting his life right now and he knows what is safe and you are it. Sex can heal alot of things but everyone needs time and respect comes in time right after trust. So if you hold love for this man check out how much he trusts you and you trust him. there are alot of things men think about with the concept of sex and there are often times alot more Neg. then postive things that can come with it. and lastly he may have been sexually abused in his past and sex may be a trigger?

 

Well exxxccccuuuuuuse me for not being a bubbly airhead

 

hahahahahahahahaha

I know you are not talking

I get my inspiration from you......dumass

 

there seams to be alot of girly men on here?

 

yay! Arnie!

 

who?

 

Oh, sorry, obscure reference maybe?

I love how Arnie used to refer to everyone as a girly-man.