I really don't know what to think.

Hey everybody, I'm back!

I have since talked to "John", and he opened up to me about things that were going on in his life. It wasn't really focused around sexuality, but he did mention (in a funny tone, but not jokingly) that he "thought" he was gay one day in the YMCA, when he saw another guy working out. The man was a "model type", apparently. LOL.

He's just stressed out at the moment. Things seem to be back to normal, so that's good.

(if this doesn't make sense, it's because I'm incredibly ill)

 

Welcome back!!! We were wondering where you went...

Well, it's good things seem back to normal. Hopefully the awkwardness is gone, too!

I mean, who knows if he was gay. Maybe confusion or denial, but he was definitely in a state of distress. I was kinda hoping he'd be gay and that maybe the awkwardness between the two of you would become a relationship. But hey, thats also if you would've been up to it, of course.

Nevertheless, I'm glad this problem is dying down. Let's see if he's not just "phasing" for a bit!

 

i thought you would be back


good luck, hope all goes well.

 

One thing I didn't mention before that I find interesting....

He's pretty much against sex, and is outspoken against masturbation when it comes to lust. But I think that's just his way of getting away from dealing with his sexuality....

 

what....?

Has he discussed why he is against sexual pleasure?

 

He once told me that he can ejaculate without being aroused. Of course, I said, "How can your dick be erect if you're not aroused?" That's why I think it's bullshit. You have to be aroused by something, so I think it's a cover...

But he says it must be pure. But he doesn't go in to what that would entail.

 

ugh.. sounds like morals, or something lame like that..

 

LOL.

 

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I knew a dude like that, we worked together. And I started to hang out with him alot because I got a huge crush on him. I think he was the only person who wasn't aware of that. He'd walk into a room and I would instintively hold my breath untill he said something.

He belonged to this severe yogi sect. You know, the one where they eventually learn to draw a sheet through your nose. No shit! They're into cleansing and purity. Clean freaks -and I was still trying to get over my crusty punk days.

So, he didn't mastrabate or have sex either. He said he could come on his own without touching, because they teach you how in meditation, it's a Tantric thing. I mean, I've heard of that, and other people have said to me that they can do it. Like they're braging. I always one up them and say I can cum without ejuculating.

He was celibate so he didn't even do the untouchable thing. He said that once you have sex, you just want more. I'm like, "and your point is?"

He got into religion to get off drugs, and I wish I had known him then. When he asked me why I didn't come over anymore I had to admit that I loved him. He looked at me like, 'why?' He moved away and he's a celibate priest in an Arshram in NYC, where only God is alowed to cuddle with him.

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He sounds like a really strange dude. How was he talking one on one?

 

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Yeah, he was strange. So am I. Maybe, that's what I loved.

Talking one on one he was brilliant, like a star. His thoughts came out so clear and sure. Even when he hesitated, you were sure it was a hesitation, if that makes sense. And he was driven by god, so a lot of what he had to say would revolve around that. And I would tease him about it, and he would scoff or try to convert me.

I never did go to his thing, the temple or learning center, what ever it was they had going around here. I regret that, but I was walking on a thin line with him. The more I was with him, the closer to God I felt. And for me that wasn't about God, per say.

He was very stubborn and even at his young age he was set in the way he was going to live his life. He liked to pontificate about his religion, which freaked alot of people out at work, but nobody dared put him down while I was around.

He was from Czechoslovakia, so his english wasn't perfect as mine, but very good. I would show him little poems I wrote, and he would go into intense detail about every phrase and the thoughts and emotions they evoked. He was a true artist. I never really saw him do that with anyone else.
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Didn't mean to change the subject.

So, is your friend intense like that?

 

It's quite alright, my friend.

In a way, yes. He loves to ride his road bike and run. He's a vegetarian and he doesn't eat any "crap". But he's not religious....well, he is very into the spiritual aspect of the world, but it isn't like Christianity, you dig?

 

he sound really interesting/cool.

 

He is.

I'm pretty sure he's slightly insane, but that's okay with me.

 

Very interesting...

I was like that at one point, you know. I'd always preach about how pre-marital sex was wrong and masturbation is wrong and how anything so sexual outside of a committed relationship is wrong.

Of course, this was only a mechanism I used because I was denying the fact that I was gay. In addition, I was also jealous toward hetero relationships because I secretly knew I was gay and I denied it so I had a loathing toward hetero relaitonships. I'd say, "Why can't I think or be like that?" It was a very unaccepting attitude I had for myself.

Anyway, perhaps this is what your friend is like with his spiritual side. I mean c'mon, he even told you that he might be gay. It's like he's taking back what he said because he currently can't handle the feelings or problem he has about his sexuality.

Who knows...

 

insane is a good thing..sometimes.

 

I've kind of been like that not too long ago. I've known that I'm bi for a while, and I've gotten into relationships with girls and stuff, maybe just to prove to myself that I still have some of that hetero side in me... but nothing really happened in the relationships, so I really have no idea what's going on with me right now. I'm still trying to figure it out.


Anyway this guy sounds really cool. I mean it's the distinct things that really make people likeable/loveable/whateverable.

From what it sounds like, there's a lot of depth to his spiritual side. I don't want to say that a bunch of it might just be hiding his emotions/sexuality, because that would be disrespectful. But I think that maybe that's just part of the reason he is so spiritual. Or maybe it's not even part of the reason, but part of the effect.