I kissed a girl....was my bf's reaction normal?

okay update :
First of all to clear up some questions. The kids were asleep, the only person who saw was my bf. It was honestly something I thought he wouldnt care about. He has cheated on my several times in the past, let it be known these were within the 1st year. I didnt feel I cheated on him. However, since it happened we have talked alot about it and mainly decided to agree to disagree. I am not bisexual in anyway and he knows that. I would never have an attraction to a female. He has calmed down alot since realizing my intention was never to hurt him, and it wil never happen again. The first couple nights were rough, but we are almost back to normal again. In fact, last night he invited the girl over and we all hung out and smoked. It was pretty chill. Its amazing how even after 3 years, we can still surprise eachother.

 

I felt the posts demonizing him were a bit off. However, with relatiionships, you just can't assume too much.
After a few months or so me and my girl had a detailed talk about what we each thought was cheating (after all, it's up to your partner what is and isn't, right?), what we felt was more iffy, and what we felt was allowable.
It's easy to see with today's sexual climate and never ending fuckfest in the media, how you could think it wouldn't be a problem, but better safe than sorry.
I'm glad it all worked out, and thanks for keeping us updated.

 

only one question left: how old are you? maybe i am too old fashioned, but for me a relationship is a bit ..... deeper.

 

I'm with you on that one man - but we gotta let these modern people live their lives the way they see fit - even if it isn't as good as ours

 

depressing thing is.... actually i didnt consider me old.... or oldfashioned

 

Odd to me how people think this is okay, and I despise the double standard. If the situation were reversed, I'm pretty sure she would be pissed as shit. I would have a HUGE issue with this if my gf of 3+ years did this without permission (key words here) and would consider it a serious breach of trust.

The problem here is that this was an intimate, unilateral decision made without his consent, and justified by alcohol.

My take on the decision to not let her see her friend depends largely on the nature and longevity of their friendship. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but If I *honestly* feel that my relationship is threatened by this individual, I would probably be suspicious and press for limited contact. Ultimately though, if I were that uncomfortable with the relationship, I'd probably break it off by that point anyway.

By the way, for those of you with the threesome lesbian dreams of jumping in, consider this article.

Anectodally, one of my female friends gave up guys after being pressured into a threesome with her bf and another girl.

 

I think your link is a little demonizing to them - but I think that's a good thing.
It takes a very strong and deep relationship to be able to have open (and especially bi) sex without trouble - and most people thinking about such things, do it without careful analysis of their relationship.

 

of course he was justified in his reaction, just because it's a girl doesnt mean its okay to go behind his back and make out...his reaction would've been the same if not worse if it were a guy you were kissing...
unless you have an open relationship, which it doesnt sound like you do...a line was crossed.

its about loyalty and respect, which is obviously lacking here.

 

I think that's a little harsh. What she did may be disloyal and disrespectful to him - but she didn't realize it would be. Her biggest sins are assumption and ignorance

 

you've got to be the biggest moron on earth, possibly in all of history to NOT know making out with someone behind your partners back is disloyal and disrespectful....

but i appreciate you being the kettle callin a pot like me out like that...

too bad I don't believe in sin

 

Man,this one sure brought the hard-asses out.

 

to be fair to the OP, i didnt read anything but the first post, so i totally missed your update that included the info that he cheated on you many times and you genuinely didnt think he'd mind....

i still stand by my opinion though that you really should've known he'd mind even if you let his cheating slide...

if he's not going to be understanding and compassionate like it appears you were with his infidelity I'd say cut your losses and move on...possibly to the girl you were smoochin

 

Cause I was talking about sin in a literal religious sense..
How is it the pot calling the kettle?

And, yes, I agree that you'd have to be rather thoughtless to do something like that - however, many people are rather thoughtless these days - especially when it comes to important stuff.

 

My opinion on the situation if it were reversed...
I wouldnt care at all if he kissed another guy, simply because I know he would never start a relationship with one. I figured he would be okay with it, obviously I assumed wrong. But also people must understand that everyone has their own unique relationships where some things pass and others fail. That being said, I honestly dont think it is something to be ashamed of. I kissed a girl for fun, not because I wanted her sexually, I would have never taken it that far.

I never once blamed my decision on the alcohol, if I wanted to do it I would have done it intoxicated or not. I'm a pretty strong believer in that you still make your own choices when drunk, whether the alcohol influences it or not is your issue. I would think that if someone knew they made poor judgements when drunk that they would limit themselves? I dont know thats just my stance.

Also, Im 20, but my 21st birthday is in 10 days !!!
Pretty excited. The boyfriend and I are headed to the coast to go to a strip club

 

I agree. I've never been in an open relationship, but I imagine it changes the playing field when everyone suddenly becomes an option.

Also, I wasn't trying to be harsh, and I apologize if that's how I came off.

My gf once had one of her female coworkers hit on her when I had left the house to go run an errand. My gf turned her down, but man, the notion of something like that happening behind my back sure did that make me uncomfortable.

 

Wait, a strip club with female or male strippers?

Because if its female strippers, and i was your bf i'd feel pretty weird that you kissed a girl, and now want to watch them strip.

 

a strip club with women, at my boyfriends request.
we are also going to the casino ;0

 

Wow I dont even have to say anything cos Duck said it perfectly.

The fact others here wouldnt mind it is all well and good, but you are with YOUR boyfriend and only what he thinks matters.

I think it's also meaningless that you wouldnt mind if he kissed a guy. if he knew that AND you both agreed that you could both kiss same sex people, then obviously it would be ok, but Im gathering this didnt take place. He might not mind if you sing in the shower, but it might really piss you off if he does it - does that mean you should shut your mouth and cop it just cos he isnt bothered? No, you should both respect each others feelings and likes and dislikes.

In the end I nor no one else makes the rules in relationships. Its up to the people in the relationship to work out whats right for them BOTH. I'd just think people would assume you cant get sexual with anyone else unless otherwise specified.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend. He wont enjoy feeling insecure, nobody would. BUT now every time you go and see a friend in the back of his mind he wont be sure you arent messing around with them... thats gotta fuck with your head.

He was there and you started playing with another girl without even telling him, he had to go find you. Why didnt you bring her to him to play. It sounds like you preferred her.

I think the girl-girl thing can be used as a bit of a cop out sometimes, a bit of a grey area. When it comes down to it though if its something you think you might do, you should discuss it with your partner and find out if they mind. Its easy to not bring it up with them, then do it, then complain cos you didnt think theyd mind - its much harder to find out they wouldnt like it and have to not do it.

And quite frankly id think most guys that are in love with their girlfriend wouldnt like them to sneak off and hook up with another girl behind their backs, they probably wanna be there or at least know its going to happen IF there isnt already an understanding in the relationship about it.

 

I also hadnt read any updates from the OP, so i apologise if I completely missed something youd said since and made an ass of myself mandersss. But the gist of what im saying still stands.

I guess what you say there about you know he wouldnt get into a relationship with a guy - i guess thats where bisexuality seems more common with girls than guys, and he cant know for sure that you wouldnt find being with a girl more and more interesting? I was seeing a bisexual girl for a while, so when in that relationship if she kissed a girl that would have been as bad as kissing a guy - in theory.

So maybe he just doesnt know how far youd take it with another girl, or if making out would make you more curious, and the curiousness would take place behind his back too. I just hope after having time for it to sink in you do understand his reactions a bit better. Im sure if you can be more understanding AND respectful about each others feelings youll both be all the stronger for it.

I guess if it was more common for guys to mess around with each other girls may see it as a bit different than they do now - because most would not expect their guy to even want to.

Anyway it looks like a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then so I hope things have been worked out.

Hope you had a great 21st bday too.

 

A lot has happened since I posted last. Number one the boyfriend and I had a deep conversation and really were completely honest with eachother. It was the most amazing thing ever. Turns out, the reason he got so mad about me kissing her was because he was attracted to her also. So I brought it up to her and guess what? She was also attracted to both of us. Strange beginning to an even stranger relationship. Now we hang out with her almost everyday and have had a threesome 2 times now. Its not awkward at all, its the most natural thing we've experienced together. And its not always sexual, we go to the lake, go to the movies, whatever really. We are so similar in personalities its ridiculous. I guess that's why we get along so perfectly. It is odd though, its an extreme situation that turned out great