I kissed a girl....was my bf's reaction normal?

I would have dumped you regardless.

 

In my eyes (and his!) it's cheating. For those that think the boyfriend is insecure; after what he's just caught his girlfriend doing he has every right to be. If I were in your position I'd be on my hands and knees begging him to forgive me. YOU cheated on him, I'd be apologising my ass off if I were you. You need some sympathy for the guy, walking in on his girlfriend getting down with someone else (regardless of gender) is a pretty gutting situation to be in.

And I never understand when people say that cheating with the same sex isn't cheating. Of course she's saying that now, if she didn't she'd be a hypocrite. But it makes no fucking sense, cheating is cheating who ever you do it with. Like she wouldn't be fucked off if he started rolling around with his guy mates after a few drinks. I'd kick my boyfriends ass to hell!

 

zipzip

 

Mellow, would feel awkward joining in but wouldn't care if my girl was doing it.

 

I would have been pissed too. Cheating is cheating.

 

cheating is cheating, regardeless of the gender. i wouldnt trust you half a metre if you are obviously willing to throw away a relation of 3+ years in one moment - and who is telling us (or your BF) such things havent happened bevore? with other males or females? additionally you obviously cant even grasp WHY your BF is crazy jealous and acts different... and the top of it: you didnt think he would CARE!!! i mean seriously girl, how old are you? your fiew on relationsships is seriously screwed up.

if you care about your BF, ask for forgiveness. you are to blame for the situation, not your BF;

 

He is way too insecure, and it goes beyond the trust, he is more threatened cause you kissed a girl, than he would've been if you kissed some dude, cause he can kick dudes ass but when a girl gets your atention, he just cant compete with that

that's what scares him, not the kiss...

 

Um dude.. just because that's how you would feel, DOES NOT mean it's the case with him.
You don't have nearly enough detail to know if he is even the type of person to want to kick ass, nonetheless, if he would be a dude against hitting girls, or the type that would beat the person she's cheating with rather than her (which, for your information, it's fucking retarded to start a fight with someone else because your boy/girl can't keep their hands to themselves)

 

The OP cheated, no matter how it is phrased afterwards.

She went outside of the boundaries of their accepted relationship with no forethought given to the consequences of it.

At that point, her partner has a simple choice, he can either accept that behavior, or walk away from the relationship.

If the boyfriend forgives her and stays, she learns that if she acts carelessly and does stupid things that break his trust, he will forgive her.

That will be the lesson he teaches her if he stays.


As for him saying whether or not she can go visit certain people or not. He can 'say' anything he wants.

She can either choose to listen, or choose not to.

If she chooses not to listen and goes there anyways, then it goes back to him, will he accept that or not. If he doesn't, he walks away.

I know some will make noise about forgiveness, love and blah blah blah... but people have to start making choices based on facts, not on what they hope something will be in the future.

If you partner does something you don't find acceptable in a relationship, you have a simple choice, walk away or accept it... if you accept it, expect it to happen again.

To be clear, there should be a lot of talking involved in all of that, but it will always come back to the simple choice of,

"Is this acceptable to me in my relationship"

 

I agree that it is cheating- regardless of gender.

I think apart from that there's communication and trust issues that suggest the relationship may well be dead in the water. I assume you've never discussed bisexuality with him so this is how he was confronted with it. In his mind is likely the thought, "in three plus years she never told me about this... I wonder what else I don't know?" My advice is if you want any chance of the relationship to move on then you need to sit down and have a long discussion. Don't go into the discussion invested in the idea that it will heal the relationship though.

 

So far the poll is 22-9 in favor of either being mellow with it or joining in (my vote was mellow). I also think it would be much different for me if it was a guy she was kissing. There's something about a straight woman making out with another woman after drinking that intrigues many men and I am one of them. However, your b/f is entitled to his feelings and it sounds like you may not be a good fit for each other.

 

Sorry to some guys in advance, but even though there are some machos here telling us about "joining in" or "watching it" or whatever, this is about a relationship of 3+ years. If you want a SERIOUS realtionship with someone, you try to behave ... well,in a way good for the relationship. This can have various forms - open relationships, free relationships, whatever you and your partner agree on. changing the rules after several years on your own is going to result in serious problems with your partner, especially if you dont inform hin in advance about it.

 

Well if he is reacting the way that he did, its probably because he feels like you betrayed him in some respect.

Regardless of whether it was a male or female that you were kissing, he may feel that you breached that fidelity contract that is created when you date someone exclusively.

That is the the reason why he may be over reacting to this whole situation and if you understand this, maybe you can be more empathetic to how he feels too.

Hot Alpha Female
Your Go To Girl For Dating Advice

 

Katy Perry's song comes to mind. I'd be upset.

 

LMAO thats such a bullshit excuse. Would you be okay with it if your bf got drunk, fucked some other chick and then said "i was drunk, shit happens" trippychic? Probably not. Unless youre the open love type.

Intoxicated or not infidelity is infidelity.
What happened to human beings having damn morals. seriously.
and everyone whos saying its okay but only if you invite him in, is so lame.

 

:cheers2:

exactly my first though.
its called committment, maybe some of you "grownups" should give it a try.

 

I'll ad another two cents, since all the reactions seem to be about cheating.

Its not just about cheating, its about public cheating. If the scenario was the OP her female friend and the boyfriend, just them at home after a few drinks, he came back from say the toilet and saw the two girls kissing on the couch, then the reaction might have been a bit different. But as the original scenario happened in front of friends/family, including some of the neighbours kids??? Its just as much about disrespect as cheating.

The boyfriend has been in a relationship for 3+ years, I assume faithfully and committed only for his other half to act like that after a couple drinks, it damages his reputation amongst those closest to him, might make him feel like a bit of a putz.

Its not really a morality issue, the guy might be up for some threeway fun, just as long as it doesnt get paraded around in public, and especially in front of kids???.

After having said that, I never really got why a lot of girls seem to get into that mindset that its not cheating if its the same sex. He's probably spent the last 3 years staying faithfull, not getting as much as he'd like only to get confronted with the possibility she might be getting some extra on the side, and thus not having to play by the same rules. Even if she scoffs at the suggestion of ever going full on with a girl, he never knows that for sure.

So its not about being a prude, its about communication, fairness, respect and trust.

You just have to look around on the web, look at some of those swinger/cuckholding forums. Couples that let their partners do other people, they always say the same thing, they are fine with it as long as they discuss it first, let the partner know whats going on, just about always have the partner there at the time, try make it so one partner is "getting" as much as the other, and probably most importantly keep it private and of course the hell away from kids

 

this is a hard situation because you were intoxicated. i couldn't answer this because of the fact you were intoxicated. now, if you were sober and you think kissing other girls is ok, i would dump your ass quicker than quick. it is not right to have a moment with ANYONE else besides your significant other. and if you think its "ok" or "normal"...YOU'RE AN IDIOT and probably dont care about others feelings

 

I AGREE 100% couldn't said it any better