I haven't had a single girl express even a shred of interest towards me

Yes, you are right and thats when common sense comes to play. I know I said this in another thread but COMMON SENSE, INTUITION and SENSE OF HUMOR are the three best things to acquire when speakin to women.

 

are you serious bro, i'm 5'6

5'8 is not even remotely considered manlet

it's all about confidence. Start working out, get a better body and that alone will boost your confidence to the point that women will notice how you present yourself. The body will help but it's all about how you view yourself

 

Not to mention exercise releases endorphins which is supposed to make you feel good after a decent workout.

Also @Homie yeah but common sense, and intuition aren't so common.

We are just starting to learn about brain differences and we KNOW now because of science that there are core deficits or aspects of certain learning disabilities that do not allow someone to understand nonverbal communication and thus have horrible understanding on how to flirt.

And let's face it if you look closely the same type of people who we give the label of a nerd sometimes are socially awkward, but insanely brilliant.

People on the autistic spectrum are good examples of this.
You should also understand that some people with high functioning autism aren't going to be self aware of why they are not yielding a reaction from other people.

Sheldon of the big bang theory is a good example of this. We laugh because we know its a show but...there's a grain of truth to it.

 

Seems like everyone in this thread is a man...so I will give my opinion...as a non-man.

Yes, I would say don't stress over the age thing. 21 is still quite young and there are many virgins still out there. You are getting some great advice, but lots of people your age are still not sure what they want or what they're doing relationship wise. A lot of them are very shallow and immature.

As for being introverted you really have to go somewhere, get into something where you feel comfortable, somewhere where you feel you are in the zone...doing something you like to do. It might be something you have to work at to get into it. Pick a place to go to, go there often, get involved on your own, keep going back, notice people, start making quick glances at people, get comfortable, keep going out, see if anyone you notice is familiar, find something to talk about with someone, or just greet people, with a head nod...go slowly, go at your own pace, but you have build at it, time after time, then you find someone you're interested in, say something related to what you're doing there...

Attempt to have a full conversation about something you're passionate about, if that person is also into the topic. If not keep working at the conversation, notice if they seem free to talk or if they need to go, don't take it personally if they don't talk much, or if they need to go.

Do this for 10 people, and then get back to us. Remember, you need to do this slowly. As a "loner" you need to be very comfortable when you communicate with people and putting too much pressure on your conversations is going to create awkwardness. Build on it one brick at a time and don't give up. This will help you to iron out and shake out your knots... practice makes perfect.

Also, most people want to feel like they know someone before they engage with someone, so if you're not sharing anything of yourself, they won't really pay much attention to you because they don't feel like they know you. People with bold personalities are successful because it seems like you can know them by their first impression, even if it's a persona, people become interested when they feel they are familiar with a person's style or feel they can predict or depend on certain behaviors from a person, and they feel they can trust someone they have gotten to know, even if it takes just a few minutes you feel like you know someone, or if it takes weeks or months to feel like you know them.

In the meantime, do other things that make you happy and healthy. Spend time by yourself doing things that interest you...do something more than playing games and being on the computer. Even going for a walk on a trail, just to clear your thoughts, listen to music, see wildlife, get some sunshine will be good for you. This will help you relax a bit in your conversations with people. Make a routine out of it...

And as was already said research developing intuition and confidence.

 

you gave him homework...lol

repetition does help though.

 

I'm in a similar station in life as the OP. I'm on welfare because I can't hold a job, I'm a virgin who's never even kissed. I'm completely awkward and clumsy and inappropriate. When I tried rock-climbing because I wanted something to do, I made a horrible embarrassing mess of myself, could hardly get up the wall, when I took the exam to get my climbing card, I failed right at the beginning, my instructor called my performance "frightening". I feel like the most accomplished person I know, because I feel good about myself.

Peoples self-image is not based on some objective judgement of reality, it's something they make up in their own minds, based on how they feel. The only thing separating you from someone at the top of the chain is this self-image, which you can change over time with some effort. The same is true for how you interpret the world around you. For example this:

Isn't true. You have no evidence that this is how they feel. A more likely explanation is that they feel bad because they attach their value to the way they look, which it sounds like you're doing as well. Things like this:

Won't solve the problem, because the problem isn't external. There was a time when I felt I was so hideous, I couldn't show myself in public, now when I look in the mirror, I feel absolutely irresistible. Do other people feel I am? Unlikely, but it doesn't matter, because I still receive all the benefits of feeling attractive.

As Homie B said... FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE!!! Including him. You don't need a degree or money or even success to feel good about yourself.

Fuck monkjr for trying to shame you by saying there's stigma to online dating. If you want to online date, do it, don't let the stigma or monkjr's opinion stop you. He doesn't have a single shred of control over your life.

Fuck the people calling you ugly or loser. I know that it's really difficult to change your mindset when people are exerting such negative influences on you, but really same as above, there's no evidence that you really are an ugly loser. People don't call other people those things because they're practicing their honesty, they do it because they're looking to accomplish something, like trying to raise themselves above you, but they're not above you. Never were, never will be.

Finally: Fuck me for even pretending to understand your situation. You can completely ignore this post or go "geez, Flesh Mound sure is a goddamned self-important idiot", and who am I to say that's wrong? It's your choice!

You can beat this. You can become great! You can start right now.

This here is a free Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tool. It contains some very useful exercises. Won't fix everything right away, but you'll notice improvements fast. Most importantly it's fun: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Good luck gnikllort and Gods speed! Your dream girl is waiting for you to sweep her of her feet.

 

?
Wait wait wait, you thought I was trying to shame gnikllort? Well if that's the way I came across well then screw what I said.

But all my intentions behind my posts were to stop gnikllort from having tunnel vision about his situation.

Usedtobehoney has great advice btw

 

You gotta take mental responsibility to keep yourself happy or afloat. Girls are definitely not going to do that for you. In fact, they're just happy leeches themselves, so they scatter towards the dudes who seem to have their ish under control.

You're only 21. I would imagine if you started some healthy exercise and good hygiene habits, by 22 you would look good enough for a lot of girls. Then again this can't be ALL you want.

You should maybe see a professional if your depression is crazy hard to manage atm. Life's not 'easy.' You have to take action if you wanna continue it even close to ideal. Good lucks.

 

I'm gonna chime in with this one again.

FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE!!

The entire universe that you experience exists for you only because you experience it. You have the ultimate control over your experience. Whatever happens, you choose to let it affect you.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said "Do not seek to have events happen as you want them to, but instead want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well."

 

Sorry mate. I was being provocative there on purpose. I know you didn't mean anything bad by it, but to someone with low self-esteem that sort of statement can lead to embarrassment and feelings of shame

No hard feelings, aight?

edit: Yeah, I'm also echoing kokujin on the exercise, and also try eating healthy. Get whole grains, fruits and vegs etc. Proper exercise and nutrition helps regulate your mood. Even small amounts add up. eatlysergicacid also pretty much summarized one of the principles that makes CBT so empowering. The reason people feel hurt by insults, isn't because of the insults themselves, but how they interpret them. Follow CBT long enough and you get to the point where you'll just laugh at anyone attempting to insult you.

 

Oh no hard feelings at all man.

But I do disagree with that Greek philosopher to the extent of his emphasis in the same way I disagree what you said about "the reason people feel hurt by insults, isn't because of insults themselves, but how they interpret them".

Don't get me wrong I get what you're trying to say, about people taking really blunt statements and internalizing them as insults, but the way you and that Greek philosopher phrased it leaves one to derive the meaning that:

All insults should roll of your back, and if you can't take it something's wrong with you.

^that message isn't the truth either, and you can see this because obviously brainwashing works which is utilizing the same core principle. Repeat a message often enough and it becomes what the masses believe, regardless if it's fact or not.

So no insults and what you tell people DO MATTER to an extent, but everyone has a certain level of resistance compared to another person.

---

Anyway I'm trying to be honest and straight in this thread, but at the same time i'm trying not to sugarcoat or make an extreme message.

 

If you want to feel bad; if you want to stew in the resentment of your loneliness; people will be happy to let you to it.

 

Also I want to say when gnikllort said:

"I'm skinny fat right now at ~160 lbs"


Either there's a language barrier, or it's an oxymoron...regardless it's being read as an oxymoron.

You can't be skinny and fat at the same time, the adjectives are mutually exclusive.

Is he trying to say he thinks he is slightly over weight?

 

I thought the same thing as you....until I read your post. Now if I had to guess I would say someone with a beer belly/pot belly. You know skinny arms skinny face skinny legs small ass but a big stomach.

 

Hi, I'm a female too, just wanted to add a few cents worth to the loads of very good advice you have so far.
I'm in my 40's now. Used to be attractive. Could of had the pick of men to an extent. You know the men with looks were by far the worse. So much so that I made a private policy to not go out with them. They have this attitude. Something detestable that makes them....I don't have the words....Makes them not real, or too into themselves, too untrustworthy. Often not worth the stress. Yes STRESS. You know lots of girls would want them.....and to be honest....let them have them!! I would much much rather the person with no looks. They have not developed the..."smutty, detestable itis" they are real, down to earth. They make a huge effort for you. The good things go on and on! I'm sure you must have had this thought! Girls can be superficial idiots. Again, the good looking ones. Ask some guys, they may say the same thing. Surely you have heard about guys dating models......worse night of their lives and all that when they realise they are with a card board cut out.
Another thought to expand on some of the above advice.... forget the girls...I agree. Maybe start up a spiritual aspect of your life. Go to a meditation group or something. Most people there are not into the shallow things in life. They too want to retreat from it....maybe you could retreat en masse with a group of like minded individuals. Your life is just beginning. Don't get down, the depression can dictate your thoughts and feelings about life, rather than the other way around.....
You have lots to think about. and lots of people here who care.
I feel there is a certain amount of freedom in losing my looks. If it were all good I'd be horrified about losing them. Life is more real, it's our thinking about these things that can be wrong. Hope this helps you.

 

I think the word your looking for to describe those kinds of model looking guys who you find out have crappy personalities and can't equally contribute to the emotional side of the relationship during dating, I think the words your looking for are: overconfidence, and entitlement.

And those 2 traits, manifest themselves in behaviors that are different depending on the gender, but they manifest themselves differently because of society's gender roles but the core traits are the same.

---

I hope gnikllort, responses soon, but if not perhaps someone else will benefit from the dialogue here.

As a guy, I am friends with some of these guys who go or have gone through tons of women. Are they horrible to women, sure, but I'm a guy so the dynamics between bros is different, than with girls. It's just different criteria.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked, my point is shallow men, walk in the halls of sex and romance, pursuing youth, and beauty. And if they get into the pants of many girls they've won by bypassing all the women tests and it gives em a bit of an ego trip.

To them physical intimacy is kind of a business deal, and the emotional hangups girls feel afterword is their problem. (I disagree with this last bit but what can ya do after telling em you don't agree?)


I admit this is a sterotype because not all young guys are like this. But my point is, for the rest of the guys who are players like this, I think subconsciously they start feeling they're failures because they can't do what the other guy's doing. And the media makes it worse.

They don't see their own romantic success in the early teens or early adult years, so they think they're failures, which they shouldn't be entertaining that mental notion at all.

----
On the flipside, some really good girls but average looking, would probably be alive had the pop culture media not hammered superficial images to the heads of kids over the last 60 years. What happened to these girls? They develop eating disorders, and other psychological problems when in reality they probably could've made a guy like gnikllort a happy man.

 

get your ass to the gym and work on the things you can.

 

Just a random poll from the people who have contributed to this thread....does the lack of timely responses from the OP raise suspicion that he's a troll?

Cause this isn't his first thread here and when I told him that he got really agitated on another thread we were going back and forth on. So I wonder if I was the only one who felt that way.

 

Skinnyfat, manlet, sounds like he's from /fit/

Stop lurking 4chan so much and get out of the house. Do SS and get on a strict diet

 

skinnyfat is when someone is skinny, yet soft and a little flabby rather than ripped or bony.

refusing to respond to one's own thread is a common symptom of trolling, but there's also several other reasons that it happens so it's hard to tell from just that.