I have a serious problem

pleae..edit & remove that gross sandwich..that made me sick..& a simple peice of toast makes analita ill.. that was not at all helpful
analita sweety..you wanted evidence that it wasnt just me thinking you looked bettrer when u looked human (115)..sure the 115 pic didnt work, but i'll get it up here soon.. but no you have plenty of evidence that..at the weight your at now..people are scared for you..your health..your life..& your happiness
this dsease is eveil..your not happy, so you think starving to be thinner will make you happy,..find u love..but it scaresaway thiose who would love you.. you continue to try to get thinner..hoping youd find the happiness you seek..yet with every pound you get further from it.. when you choose to be haoppy..and healthy..your at least giving youyrself a chance..but when u choose to starve, thats all you will find.. a body-less existence.. emptiness.. but no true happiness....you will only find what you really seek..if you choose that path.

 

You SHOULD want it bad enough!!! Think about it, you are killing yourself more and more every day!!! I am sure your family and friends want you around for along time from now. Your body needs nutrience to live! If you deprive your body from the nutrience it needs, you soon will be no more.
I don't know you but you seem to be wonderful girl. Maybe you need a different doctor to help you......

 

Thank you for your comments. Ive never really thought about how other people must see me as. And I didnt think there would be to many people replying to my post. Thank you again. I am going to work on it, but when I look at those pictures I am not really seeing myself, which is why none of this seems real to me. Like when I read your comments, I can only think you are talking to someone else. In my mind, those pictures arent me at all.

 

but you realize now how we see you? this is your reality hun.. your mind is your worst enemy, but you CAN conquer it.. you want control hun? stop trying to control your body whicjh is killing you..& try to controll your mind! imagine how powrful you'd feel to finaly beat this disease? after all you've been through.imagine the strenghth youd feel just to be able to eat & not care

 

Ana,you really do need to seek help. You're hurting yourself....if your friend or your sister was doing this to herself,how would you feel? Don't loose your love for yourself...don't let the demons in your mind take control. You're alive,you're breathing,you have a good soul,and you have free will. Deep inside,somewhere,you still have your strength. Find it,find your stength and fight for your life. It's not a lonely path,we're all here to walk it with you.

 

I don't know if it is timing or just the angle, but the pictures at the bottom definitely look worse. None of them look healthy, but the top couple of rows remind me of how I used to look... Slight poke out of the ribs while standing up straight, able to see more ribs & hip bones poking out when I would lie down on my back... But I never got quite to the point you are at in the pictures below the top 2 rows. I was always just borderline, not bad enuf to wind up in treatment (my family couldn't afford it anyway). It's not easy. It's never easy. For me, it was about staying skinny so boys would like me. I started hitting puberty, started getting hips & whatnot, and went "oh my god, I'm getting fat". So it was a lot easier for me to get past, as I realized that 1. I'd never have the perfect body cuz I didn't have the boobs for it, & 2. the guys that did want that "perfect" body tended to be assholes. The guys who liked me for me kept trying to get me to eat more, funny that. So what is the underlying issue for you? Have the various therapists you've been seeing helped you figure that out? If not, find a better therapist!

Does that ever really happen? I'm actually a bit overweight now (5'7" and 160-165 lbs.), been eating healthy on a regular basis for about 4 years. I have my routines that make it so I have no excuse to not eat. For the first 2 years, I was as obsessive about what I ate as I was before, just changed the focus to force myself to eat 3 square meals a day at least, and that means more than just half a sandwich for dinner, force the whole thing down my throat if I could. It gets easier most of the time, but it still pops up from time to time -- unlike normal people, when I'm upset about something, my first response is to not eat or to limit myself to something like a plain lettuce salad for dinner... I know that's not healthy, I know that only hurts myself, but I can't help having that reaction. I normally recognize it for what it is and focus on calming down so I can have a healthy meal, but that's an active choice, it still takes effort to fight it.

It's not easy, but you can do it. You do have to make a decision to really want it, and to be willing to fight for the long haul. It doesn't just go away forever. Once you work past the mental blocks that make you want to not eat, marijuana can really help build your appetite back up, but that won't help until you want to be able to eat a healthy amount. Good luck.

 

ANA all the best comments in the world arent going to help un les you want the help. you are a very beautiful young woman with no doubt a beautifull inner self.thin ,fat medium small tall we are all different but you know what makes a person shine .confidence not body shape
oh its easy for me to say i know but when you are in the cycle your in ana there feels like there is no way out ......is there no one close to you sweetheat that you can confide in ..........maybe if you dont want to tell a family member what about a friend...............admitting you have a problem is the first step......you are putting your self in danger ana if you carry on and i for one wouldent like to see anything happen to such a beautiful young woman..i have a daughterba year younger than you

 

carrying on from above ...........ana if you want to pm me i will give you any help or advice i can .i will go to my local well woman clinic in the morning and get some advice so pm me and remember you are a worth while person with a lot to give

 

I think you are strong enough to get out of this on your own. it will be hard and my dear it will be so hard but you must fight this. there is something inside you eating away at you, those pictures arn't you, they are the disease. be yourself again!

 

analita you want help, i know it, you just need hope
you need to reverse youyr thinking..& realize the happiness you seek isnt the misery of sitting there shivering & bruised starving..sick
so youu can look like death (you havent seen her worse then the pics at the begining of the thread..the ones i saw were far far worse.)


ths here iws he you who will find happiness





reversing your thinking doesnt mean thinking you need to get fatter..since you actualy see that picture as fat (who else agrees she could use 5-10 more piouds in that?) but if yoy actualy see that as fat..look again & see health..the health you sacrificed..n dont look to gsain weight..eat to gain health.. ths womaqn in this picture..who you dont even recognize as you..this woman will find that happiness..she is so beautiful..anyone would love her..she ..is you..the you youve lst but cwan retutn to..the you that fcan do anything as long as you give up 1 simple thing... the word cant
its really only 1 letter.. turn cant into can & it will chsange your life.. give you the power you need to beat anything..
ana hunny..look i hate to offer myself as inspiration or an example causre i'm really nothing special.. but if it helps. use me
when i broke my back i had 1 doctor who took pleasure in telling me what i cant do.. did i accept cant? 2 weeks after i was released from the hospotol i wwas strapping myself into the cockpit of a glider & learning to fly..
ana hun..you know i'll stick by you & guide you gently back towards hope.. but in the end its gouing to be your descision... to choose hope..choose to reach for the happness you desire.. hope for love..family.. feeling good about yourself & in "real" control..or.. to choose starving yourself to death..you know i care..you know how i will feel when they find you shriveled to nothing lying dead on the floor covered in bruises from your own bones ? i know you dont ewant that you want that fine line between life & desth..but that line you can cross whie your asleep & nevdrr even know it..
choose health & as you grow stronger others will see that strenghh & be drawn tl you..want to be your freind..not because they want to save you. but because they admore you..if you want all you dream about.. now is the time to reach for it...you CAN that should be your mantra. shout it out with every fibre of your being..
i love you.

extremely gentle hugs..tryin not to bruise you.

 

I can't get the pictures to come up but I'll take your word for it. I'm guessing that since you have acknoledged the problem that you are ready for some real advice. I feel you should go see a nutritionalist if you want to know how to be small without starving. If you need to see a doctor for some problems then don't be ashamed to do so because they are great for people who just need to talk.

 

Hi....I dont know youre name, or anything else about you, but I know you have a lot of pain inside...I used to feel the same pain, and I used to be on the same path you're on, starving yourself to feel whole. I know that posting this msg might just end up feeding a longing for attention or a need to make others watch your suffering......but you have to step outside of yourself and realise that youre damaging yourself, risking your ability to have children, your health, and inthe process abbreviating your own life. Reconcilation with yourself and with the world is an absolute necessity. I know it's difficult to feel powerful enough to make that type of decision, but if you don't take control, the sickness will control you. I've had eating disorders off and on (now, off) for almost 4 years now. I know what youre going through. Soaring is sending you my email....please get in touch

 

whoa!

hey, i think you look beautiful at 115.... dont get any skinnier.... its really not as attractive as you think, girly...

PM me if you need anything!

good luck on beginning the long road of recovering from anorexia...

 

analita this is my freind i told you i wanted you to mee.. you told me you thought your disease (you said you..but you are not your disease) would cause me to give up on you like everyobe one else has.. but your wrong.. me & islandgirl been real close freinds since she was 15..& is 1 prrson i admire so much..i dont know how many hours we've talked over the pat years but i've seen what shes gone through & i see where you are now..i can tell you right now..shes so close to that happiness i speak of..not sure she realizes just yet how close she is.. but i know she knows she is getting close..shes reaching for it & islandgirl i dont know if i've said enough about hopw proud i am of you..
analita i've only spoken to you the last..what..4 or so days? but already i see both what your lifes been like..& also tho you you can be..& your at a real descision point in your life now..i dont think your fertility could survive much longer with what your doing to yourself, i know tha you want children someday..but if you dont choose that path now it may be gone forever..
if you make the right choce, it will be yours..not can..definately not cant...will

 

Hey Analita,
To start off with, I'm really worried about you. You're at the point where you're going to have to decide soon whether or not recovery is worth it (and I totally think it is). Anorexia makes promises- but what it actually brings is nothing like what you thought it'd bring. So many girls fall into it, thinking that being thinner will make them happier or bring them the sort of love they want....and you and I both know those are totally lies. The problem is, most of us don't figure this out until it's almost too late (I'm just now beginning to understand this, and I've struggled with anorexia for almost 4 years). What it comes down to is whether or not you believe there's hope for things ever to change in your life...and there's always hope. For me, hope comes in the form of dreaming about my future...dreaming about being a nurse and getting married and having a family. Whatever the case, you have to find something that matters more to you than being thinner....and thinner...and thinner. I know you can make the changes you need to in your life- you've just got to decide to.

 

Analita,


My sense is that if you know you have an eating disorder then protect your body; be peaceful and paced about it, protect your body and soul.

It is not really important that I feel that you are physically beautiful, and I do, but that you appreciate, acknowledge, and experience your sense of your form from a stand point of knowing that we are all individuals and different; that we may, at times, feel uncomfortable with ourselves and that this is normal and correct but what is most important is what we do with these feelings. Sometimes it is correct to do something that our intuition beyond our immediate feelings of comfort tell us to do. I'll bet that for whatever in you needs healing that you want to be healed.

It is a very, very rare gift to find one that truly understands another; this gift is great but do not be fooled by depending on it or on the dream of what it is.


Love,

David

 

ok..this is kinda fucked..the poster of that nasty sandwich which was removed gave me this bad rep
"M oh for fucks sake, get over yourself with your non meat eating ass"

i was trying to help someone here..& after shed seen that sandwich she puked up the only food shed eatten today..2 bites of toast
my question is..who deserves the bad karma? the one trying to sabe a worthwhile life..or the 1 whos only contribution made things much worsse?
plese..no negative posts here..if youve got nothing good to say..say it somewhere else..thanks
analita..kinda worried bout ya hun..

 

hey the sandwich was well out of order not the kind of thing needed here .... bad rep soaring eagle?you are one of the most genuine guys ive ever met!!ANA GLAD TO HERE YOU HAD THAT BIT OF TOAST SMALL STEPS CAN TURN INTO GIANT LEAPS AND WERE ALL WITH YOU ......YOU GO GIRL .IF THAT WAS A PIC OF YOU ON SOARINGS EARLIER POSTS BY THE WATER THEN WOW YOU TRULY DO HAVE A NATURAL BEAUTY PLEASE DONT WASTE IT (PM ME IF YOU NEED TO TALK )LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU AND BIG CUDDLES

 

ana a good freind whos in recovery from this horroble disease wanted m to share this website with you.. it helped her alot
http://www.something-fishy.org/

 

Some of your posts made me want to cry. It feels good to know that there are people who care. Thank you all. And for those of you PMing me, asking if I am alright, I am fine and thank you for asking. You have all given me so much to think about.