I had a very hippy day yesterday

actually, IM not trying to hurt your feelings. IM trying to help you. everyone that goes through pain and hardship think that no one has it as bad as they do, then they have to cope through it with drugs. you dont need that. everyone has hardships, everyone goes through pain. its hell on earth. drugs just numb the pain for a moment and make you worse. thats how you get hooked. and I can see right now, you NEED drugs, and thats not a good thing.

 

Ryan. I never said I think I have it worse than anyone. I have a great life and what hurt my feelings the most is that you mistook a few instances of pain I experienced for me not being grateful for my life as a whole. I love my life and see families who can't eat and work in a building where the headstart preschool gets shot-up in the morning. I have it good and I know it. When you called me selfish it really hurt my feelings because in my heart I know I am anything but selfish.

Right now I need to be numb because people are depending on me and I need to go through the motions and keep on with life. I should not have taken as many drugs as I have this past week. But in no way does that make me selfish and imo I don't think it was right of you to call me selfish, especially right now.

 

I forgot we don't care about feelings here. Only self-righteousness and judgement. God forbi we actually exhibited a bit more kindness to people and tries=d to make their day a little brighter.
Regardless I hope everyone has a happy, healthy and peaceful day.

 

Hey bella? Silent knowing of certain truths is a great thing. I see a lot of change in us both.. I"m really high again and in a philisophical mood so I'll stop now. But yeah, just nod and smile.

 

c'mon, you guys. you're really bumming me out.

 

Haha. Be happy. I'm actually really happy right now.. just all in my head about a lot of things at once.

 

I heart you. Thank you. I just think it's ashame that people can see this know what I am going through yet won't come stick up for me. Actually I think it is more than ashame it fucking sucks.

 

It's happened to me many times. It teachs you something and that's what life is about anyways- learning.

 

oh, i hope that wasn't a passive aggressive dig at me.

 

Butting nosy mouth or eyes in.....

I have no idea what you meant by that... it was kinda funny though. I'm easily amused right now.

 

Nope, that wasn't directed at you.

 

i'm trying to deflect, distract and diffuse. it's my diplomacy complex.

 

I'm going to go home and take a bath. I am not the happiest girl in the world right now...I really hopw that doesn't make me selfish or think that I have it worse than starving kids from 3rd world contries or that i am a raging drug addict. I am just really hurt and now I am dissapointed as well.

 

i know. pour some bubbles in it and some rose oil, maybe some mint. that'll help. light some candles and make it nice and embryonic.

 

i don't see how bella has been selfish in any way....being mighty unfair to her by calling her selfish...if you knew anything about her, you know she is not selfish

 

i think they just took each other wrong the wrong way...misread intentions.

 

Oh, now I know what's going on.

Listen, everyone's pain is their own pain. No one else can comment on it cause they don't walk in the shoes. Sometimes though it does help me to remove myself from myself and see my pain as relative. It can change the whole mood and then the situation for me.

And you aren't a raging drug addict. Drugs are a tricky thing and no one really should judge... and the only person who knows if a person has a problem really is the person.

 

Thank you for sticking up for me I really needed that and value it a lot. Lucky is one lucky girl.

Hugs for both of you

 

BESOS