I can't go into work today because...

I am already at work

 

my car was eatin by dinosaurs

 

i won 600 million dollars and i am afraid to go outside because someone will take me hostage.

 

its too far to walk, i don't own a car and the trains and buses aren't running.

 

I'm not going into work today because I prefer to stay in bed all day and make sweet love instead.

 

I woke up on a strange planet and don't know for sure where I am.

 

.....because I'm bloody BRILLIANT at my job and show all the others up-so I'm giving them a chance to shine! [I'm really kind and thoughtful that way....]

 

I can't come in to work today because it's "Safe Streets Day", and all my neightbours have suggested that means I should leave my car in the garage all day

 

I can't come in to work today because i'm solving the problems in society.... much more important

 

I can't come in to work today because I ran out of coffee.

 

I can't come in to work today because I lost my lint roller.

 

bc I forget where I work...

 

I can't come into work today because work is soooooo last week, dahlings

 

i can't come in today because i'm giving birth to a litter of alien rabbits from the demension of fuzzy..... Its a complicated process

 

I am busy in shifting my goods to another location

 

Getting sleep.

 

i'm too stoned

 

I'm afraid I might punch the boss in the balls

 

I can't go into work today because I'm playing video games with Chumlee from pawn stars all day

 

of my travelling.