"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

...I just ate a ten-strip... do you really want me to come in today ( or tomorrow, for the matter )?

 

Because I have twenty cruisers following me real slow on the freeway and I dont think they're going to pass

 

Because my lover tied me up and when I woke up, he was gone and I am still tied to this damn bed. If you want me to come in, you're gonna have to come to my house and cut me loose.

 

I got popcorn stuck in my teeth.

 

I lost my dentures.

 

I cant come in to work today because fuck you ,I won the lottery,fuck you,and did I forget to say fuck you?...............I did??.......Well then fuck you

 

Lol.

I can't come into work because the new Harry Potter movie is coming out on DVD!

 

I'm over at hippy i am's house cutting her loose.

 

Im at a hippie's house cutting their hair

 

Im at the same hippies house making sure Oneness doesnt re-style anymore goatees

 

I bought a tub of lube, I'm locking my doors, drawing the shades and commencing my Russ Meyer movie marathon...

 

I can't come into work today because I'm too busy being a thread killer..

 

I can't come into work because I am too busy beating my kids!

 

Haha..I like you..

I can't come into work because my yeast infection is on fire and I'm gonna be baking bread all day...

 

I cant come into work today because I had a Zipper accident and it hurts like you can never imagine

 

Ha ha ha. I like you, too. This post was fantastic. I've actually wanted to say something along those lines once; however, I couldn't bring myself to humiliate myself like that.



I can't come into work today because I shot up dope last night and now I want to fucking die and I have explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting going on, simultaneously. I've got a fountain coming out both ends.

 

I'm searching the couch for spare change.

 

I cant come into work today because I need to rush Hippie I Am to the Hospital.............and cleanup my apartment

 

I can't come into work today because... I forgot.

 

I'm having a sex marathon.