"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

I have decided to sit here til the maggots eat my brain.

 

l'm speeding off my titts..

 

i have a bone in my leg....

 

cause l'm going to die today instead..

 

i just learned my brain exploded

 

I have decided I can write a better novel that a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters, and I am not moving til I succeed.

 

i farted and can't get up

 

I was just nominated emperor of canada and I need to fire my entire Ministry. hey...wanna better job?

 

my butt stuck in my bed

 

l have vomit in my hair...

 

I cant come in today because I think you are all a fucking bunch of god damn dick sucking morons that gag then vomit anytime you smell your own stink.

 

l don't remember where l work anymore...

 

boss, you're a dickhead i'm sick of you!

 

my hair is broken

 

I used to work as a mailman and I always called in sick if it was raining, snowing, sleeting or if it was dark and gloomy out. They always said, "Sure, no problem."

 

l'm overseas today

 

I am not sure why I am calling you, but your number is written on my fridge.......

 

And not the ones on my face!

 

attending Hipforums today