"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

I'm pondering proverbs

 

I have been named in the will of a prominent pimp.

 

I've got the shingles..... (Really).....

 

im sure this ones been used
but
"Im waaaaaaaay to stoned to come in today"

this ones a little more original
"Last night i mistook my super glue for lube... if i come in my girlfriend is going to have to also"

 

I got arrested for strapping a floor buffer to my back and cleaning tables at Guido's Eatery with it.

 

....because my hooker was running late and I have a pretty serious mess to clean up.

 

i accidentally left the window open last night, and now i have to shovel all the snow out of my room.

 

i cant come in to work today cause i dont got no job to go to

 

.....because I forgot where I put my pants, and my shirt needs ironing anyway.

 

because its a job i cant

 

because I'm stuck in a bowl of macaroni and can't get out.

 

i farted near the door so I cant go near it for fear it will smell bad.

 

I Can't Come Into Work Today Caaauuuuse,


I'm Outside rebelfight 420's House Trying To Explain To The "Silly Dipshit"....That His House Also Has A Freeeekin "Back Door"...!!!!!...(duhhhhhhh)..


Cheers Glen.

 

Sleestacks stole my clothes

 

They cancled my On Star GP navigator and I can't find my own way to work.

 

I Can't Come Into Work Today...Cauuuuse..


Im Sitting Here Trying To Explain

To ...ESRUOS ENO...(one sourse).....How To Read A F*****n Road Map....I Mean How Hard Can That Be..?????



Yours .....Running Out Of Patience Real Fast.....

Glen.

 

I cant come to work cause Glenglen stole my truck when he found out I was blind and needed a brail map. Reported truck stolen. Bumper sticker on truck reads "Im not lost, Im blind" Anyone see my truck?

 

because... I'm barracaded inside my house due to the zombie outbreak. I advise you do the same, boss.

 

Fell up the stairs after spending too much time with my friend Jack Daniels.....

 

..No Wonder You Couldn't Start That Dang Tractor..!!!!..JACK Strikes Again..!!



I Can't Come Into Work Today.....Caauussee...I'm In The Shed Up The Back Of *** EL Rancho De Farmout*** Tryin To Fit A New Battery In A Tractor Thats ....The Same Age As Farmout Is...???? Sheeeeese....Did They Really Have Tractors That Long Ago...?????




Yours........With The Ever Constant Thought In The Back Of His Mind...........That If I Do Succeed In Starting This (F****N) Tractor.....The First Thing Farmouts Gunna Do ...Is "RUN THE F***ER OVER ME".....


Glen.