I am going to kill myself.

A lot of the problem with chat is that even though you get your feelings validated, people quite often seem to be stuck where they're at; and you don't want that to happen to you.

You might want to think of other chats for support, too (other than yahoo -- yahoo is a total cesspool, and always will be).

Here is a quick google search for depression support chats; next time you feel on edge you might try looking them over instead.

Not sure what to say, other than depression is said to be one of the most easily curable mental health disorders. You may not be able to get the treatment you need now, but you can hold on to hope that in a few years you'll be on your own, working, away from the things that bother you and you'll be able to get some help with what's bothering you.

It's a matter of holding tight, constantly holding tight until you hit a point where you can act to make things better. That point exists, you just have to hold on and work towards it.

 

y&z

 

Lizard,


Listen to me. I know of the feelings that you speak. You will find that there are a lot people who are not really aware enough to realize that they can make a difference by quieting their own minds and listening to another. You will also find that there are people who have strong and good personalities with good intuition who will listen - when you meet and connect with folks like this it is a great gift.

You are young, and you appear to me to be very intelligent, you clearly write very well; I believe that you are going through changes, in large part, in relation to your world, in relation to your experience; clearly you are learning about life and this takes time. When you look back at lessons you will realize that there is a lot that you have learned about. I have found, in my own life, that sometimes I am getting feelings that relate to questions that I am asking "deeper in my mind" meaning the subconscious mind; we all do this. I believe that it is probably the case that you are having experiences on an inutitive level that are at the source of your feelings. And, in my opinion, these feelings, even though they feel really bad, are, actually, good because they are a message to you from your deeper self that are moving you toward healing, moving you toward feeling good.

When I was your age I loved to think, I loved thinking; I felt that thinking was wonderful and mysterious (and stiil do). In my pain I realized that I had an ongoing internal conversation going on; and I realized that my mind was halting at questions that I had worry and fear about. By "halting" I mean that if I was afraid of what I thought the answer might be my mind would focus on dealing with that question rather being realxed and openly looking at the "first question". I began to relax, I would take time by myself, go to the book store and read, I would talk with people who didn't previously know me and would learn about their opinions and learn about their personalities, and I would write and think. In the course of this I came up with a method of mediation that I called "stillness and noting" (look for "natural23" post). This meditation was very helpful because it allowed me to reorganize my mind by answering questions that my mind was already trying to answer. And recall what I said above about "halting", I gained a sense that the truth is good, brings healing and creates freedom.


Sincerely,

David

 

I just want to reiterate that life truly begins AFTER school.

 

SO F'N TRUE!

Grade school, high school, hell, even college to some extent -- they're not the real world. Keep strong, bro.

 

why stress about school??? killing yaself cus u dont get straight a's seems like crazy talk to me, why not just fuck school off, have fun, piss about, learn nothing, and not stress??? thats what i did anyway and life is still peachy.

 

there are so many posts i hope he gets to read this one. OK, so right before my senior year my peratns took me from Boise Idaho to Naples Florida. I grew up in Boise so my whole world was flipped upside down. I didn't have any friends, stayed home every weekend, and i had noone. But i've been here a year, i've started making friends, i'v learned to gert out, and do some things diffrently. Its just that your stuck in a rut, you need to get out of your house and do somthing diffrent, maybe even move. or just go out to a place where you can meet people. It'll change your whole perspective.

 

I hope that things will be better when you start school.I wish you a lot of luck and love.I think that the bigger part of us hope you'll be fine soon.

 

life is so utterably pointless. its unfortunate we are all here.

 

Please do not hurt yourself-These feelings of depression are normal especially at your age. I was also very confused 'lonely etc. at your age.I bought an old saxaphone and learned to play.My confidece and self esteem rose and my depression left town!-Find a hobbie; get out of the house'go to the woods for the day.Close your eyes and listen to God. We are all here for one reason or another; even if we don't yet know what it is.Your time on Earth is very important to everyone. You may become a world leader. or a surgeon' Life is wonderful; even if you cannot see it sometimes-be strong and ride out these feelings-Take your finger off the self destruct button in your head-the world needs you here-call your local crisis hotline and chat with those folks-They will help you through hard times and they are happy to do it-I am 56; one of the original San Francisco hippies and if I can make it this far'anyone can-lol! hang in there ---

 

it wont get better unless you do something about it

 

Lizardman0,

I posted early on in this thread describing my background so I won't rehash that. I was exactly where you were at, at your age. Depression, poor socialization skills, few friends (none whom I could talk about my problems to; they were extremely uncomfortable when I tried to bring it up, so I just let it drop). Going to my parents was not an option, my dad was dead and my mother had mental illness issues 1000x worse than anything I have ever experienced. Mental illness runs throughout my family. I can absolutely guarantee your parents care. What you take as not caring isn't a correct read. Your parents are just unable to properly come to terms with something that they don't have the experience to deal with(depression). I KNOW this for a fact. My family members and I dealt with the mental illnesses that abound in our family by not discussing or facing up to the problem. What you perceive as uncaringness is actually fear and confusion on how to deal with it. Parents aren't perfect, no one is.

Everything you've described in this thread (such as your mother seeming to suffer from it) seem to point to a genetic predisposition towards depression. You really need to get professional help and determine if this is the case or not, and let people trained to deal with the illness, help you deal with it. I wasted a lot of years of my life not dealing with the disease effectively. I eventually did get professional help; it was literally, get help or die. I will always have to fight with the disease, but at least now I'm better equipped to deal with the disease. It's possible one day I might lose the fight (feelings of suicide will always be with me), but at least now I'm better equipped to continue the fight. Medication has helped me, that should be the least of your worries. I have had breakdowns that have been 1000x more painful than anything else I have experienced in my life. If your depression is as bad as it seems, I can honestly tell you there could be pain almost impossible to describe yet to come. I don't mean to scare you, I just want to emphasize how important it is to get professional help. PLEASE, PLEASE learn from my experiences.

You can't say people don't care, look at the number of responses to this thread. Even the people responding negatively have been touched in some way, otherwise they would not respond. Yes there are terrible things in the world, but there is much good too. At your age all I saw was negative. As I have aged, I've taken the blinders off and have been able to see a lot of the good. You have a lot to share with the world. Do you think the most knowledgable people come from those who have experienced nothing but good in life? Hardly, true knowledge comes from the pain and hard times of life, it gives you tremendous insights and compassion towards others. It's widely thought that probably our greatest president, Abraham Lincoln suffered from depression.

Early in my life, I externalized the way I felt; parents don't care, classmates are cruel to me, the world is a terrible place to live. I wasn't able to somewhat come to terms with my illness until I came to the realization that the problem was inside me, not outside. Professional help has given me tools to help deal with the disease, not cure, help. In the end, I can't save you, your parents can't save you, other posters can't save you, even the professionals can't save you. Others can help, but in the end the footprints on your path will be yours alone. Tools can be given to help you, but only you can reach out, grasp them and use them. Bad times are ahead, but guaranteed there will be good times too. People have a lot to share with you, and you have a lot to share with people in the future. I've read your words and they have touched me. You do have a gift to share with the world, try to make sure you stick around long enough to share it.

 

If you were serious you would have done it already instead of sitting on a forum discussing it. Go have a beer, smoke a doob and play some hackysack. Life is worth living.. you just need to take the time to see all the good there is in it and find out what makes you truly deep down happy. Ive been depressed too and thought of ending it but I didnt and now im back on top and things are going pretty sweet. Just outside and meet some people, play with a dog or just walk in the woods.. Its a pretty nice place out there you just need to get out to see it all.


grainpsilo

 

ive been falling into depression lately, its a horrible place to be. but the only one who an do anything about it is you you just need to harness the positive energy man...its all around you.

 

everything seems confusing at one point, im really confused at the moment, i dunno what to do with myself but well i will know soon.....its hard when your in that state of mind but it will get better if you try, the thing is people spend more time ''thinking'' about stuff and not actually doing it.
But surely u must have somethin to live for, i mean look at all this feedback man, people do actually care!!

 

Man its your choice on what you do! And I know you don't know me, but seriously don't kill your self. Try to regan friends and what ever else you are missing in life! And maybe you should see a psychiatrist NOTbecause you are crazy or anything, but maybe they can help, don't take that the wrong way I'm not trying to be rude or anything. Im just trying to help. But man all I'm saying is don't kill your self because you have many years of your life ahead of you! And maybe things may seem hard right now, or have been for a while, but things will get better. Maybe not today or a week from now but they will get better. And don't shut your self off from your friends, because they are the ones who know you the best and they could help you more then I can. Please don't do it!

 

Nothing wrong with death. Death is release.

 

okay bro i wont bullshit you.....life sucks....and i think about if i wouldve died way back when i wanted to.i wouldnt have had to go through all the shit i have....but stop & think for a min....maybe lifes sucked all this time cuz in the long road theres something great instore......thats what i keep telling myself,anyways....even though its gonna be a waste of time once again....BUT HELL WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO.CANT SIT & CRY ABOUT IT!!

 

This threads like 4 months old. He's either dead or over it by now.

 

No, he posted again on 7/31/05. He has done some initial reaching out, he just needs to take it further.