I am going to kill myself.

Really simple. Put a note in your pocket for next Friday AM that says go to Counselling office and make an appointment for Monday AM.

I know you are balking at wanting to do it, but you can do it

 

You can't make yourself. If you force the issue you won't go throught with it. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, be calm and if necessary take a trusted friend with you. Don't feel trapped either. Don't feel like just because you made the appointment you have to go ahead with it then and there. Only when your ready

 

he needs a good blow job and a cool hobbie to get his mind rolling again im willing to bet $10.000.000 it well work . i had the same problem around your age but between my hobbies and ....... well im here "and that was a long time ago" isolation is your worse enemy "this you can take to the bank" my other advice dump the old friends find new ones . this one really did a lot for me.

 

and dont tell any of your new friends who the old ones were .

 

and keep lookin for a group of people you fit in . some times this is a lifelong job. but with little practice you become a master at it.

 

A good blow hey? Well, i like that you're keeping it light but they say prevention is better than cure so it'll only work for so long. I agree about the isolation part though. The more you're on your own, the harder it is to go out in the world so try to join club. Even if you just simply walk your dog in the park every day, this will get you out and hopefully you'll meet other people. It's a step by step process. The toughest thing is trying to hurry it up but it doesn't work that way. Put it this way. If you were going to kill yourself, you would have already done it, it's not that hard. Trust me. Just have faith

 

Hey Lizardman0, how are you feeling today, is it getting any better? Even a small progress is very important. If you catch yourself thinking positive for 2 minutes a day, and the next one 3 or 4 minutes, that's great man, you should be proud of yourself! You'll make it, I'm sure, because even putting this thread here for everyone to see it, you've shown that you're not givig up that easily. Every new day is a gift, especially for you now being in that sort of crisis at this point of your life. Never give up!

 

Albuquerque, yes.

 

Today, I feel awful. I woke up and had to hurry to get to the bus. My throat hurts so bad. It has never hurt this bad in my life. I am really tired. I keep coughing stuff up. So, I ask my mother to make an appointment at the doctor when I got home from school. We went to the doctor and had to wait for an hour. Nobody else had to wait for half as long as we did. I hate having my mother in the room with me. I blow into the thing and my numbers are too low. I have a fever of 100.6. I threw up. School sucked. I completely fucked up the test in band. I have to redo my essay for English. Now I get to take a load of medication. Motrin, some perscribed pills, inhailed steriods, neb. I am worried about my mother. She is depressed I think.

So, anyway, how are you today?

 

The hard times and struggles only make us stronger. I have felt like you, and now to look back, those times made me so strong, making it through is the tough part, not giving up. Giving up is easy, making it will be what makes you successful. Be strong and keep on truckin' Only the strong survive!

 

I feel so stupid for thinking these things. I don't even have physical symptoms of depression I think. I don't have a trusted friend. I should go to counsellor. I need to find out where they are.

I have such a hard time in any group. I don't feel comfortable. Maybe the groups are limited because of the school I go to. Most people speak spanish out of class.

 

I SMELL A RAT . TRY the local skating ring, or video hang out at the mall , my school used to suck too but once you hang out with a few people you can mingle with . time in school goes a little faster. where do most of this latin come from? in your skool. hehe

 

Haha... hmm... I considered that for myself 1) we have no mall 2) we have no skating ring.

Then again, I also don't live in a city.

On the other hand, I do have the physical signs of depression... I mean, I'll wake up and lay in bed staring at the same spot on the ceiling thinking and daydreaming for 3 hours or more. I've gone without showering for a while... I don't like cutting and all of that bullshit... I always thought it was kind of meaningless. I'm just not satisfied, really. I don't leave the house for days and I often don't eat meals. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle public restaurants and sit outside.. but for the most part, I just try to ride it out and not worry about it or do my best to prevent me from getting like that. I'm also a bit of an insomniac... I fell asleep at 4:30-5:00am, got up at 8:00am or so and have been awake sense. I write a lot to vent the pain.

 

i hope your not fucking around with me i tell you this much you better rob a bank if you have too but the sleeping part you better take care if fast . also no skate ring find a way to make some money buy a used dirt bike , find out were people hang out and ride ATV . or look around for a hobbie ,look and see if a home computer job can make some money for you. you want see real depression walk around a hospital "not a little one" visit the morgue . go to a funeral.

 

Ah you blew into a peak flow metre. Are you asthmatic? If you were into all those vitamins and stuff i'd advise supplements because your lung capacity doesn't sound that good. Then again, it sounds like you're taking too many pills already. What it comes down to is that you're stressed. This manifests into colds, the flu, asthma like symptoms, headches. In situations like this, doctors are unfortunetely quick to prescribe all the medication under the sun. For instance, my brother went to the doc's today to get a presciption for an asthma puffer. He talked about his day, how things were getting a bit much but manageable. At the end of it my brother walked out with a prescription for valium. I was so pissed of with that arsehole. All my brother and anyone who is stressed needs, is to take a deep breath, do one thing at a time and accept what you can't change. Keep cool mate.

 

self medicate with beer

 

Hay Lizardman so you say you don't feel okay when ppl are around you. I had felt like this, not so long ago. First years in my University, I was sucha "depressive and serious one" who knows who to talk with and just waits for real love, for the real friend, I thought suffered. I suffered this not-existent pain when I had to be with unpleasant group, I enjoyed my time with friends. So, no activity. I saw no activity from the other side and thought they are all stupid and if there will be too much stupidity I'll put an end to that.

Lately I read "Steppenwolf" by Herman Hesse and... okay, guy, I'll not tell you the entire roman, there's no need to tell ya, just take and read it, even cool, if you'll read it in german - so, here's one thing that Hesse writes about life:

"You have to live and learn to laugh. You have to learn how to listen this damned radiomusic of life, have to honour the Spirit that lays behind, have to learn how to laugh at turmoil of this radiomusic. That's enough, you don't have to do anything but this."
(sorry for clumsy translating, English is not my native language )

You must be active, you must be spontaneous and thank your sponateity you become beauty and love, on the life scale, "lifewide" there's no "groups" and schools and "likes-dislikes" and whatever, just you and the world you have to cognize!

peace!

 

I guess humour helps along the way but like they say, prevention is better than cure :-?

 

Its okay. Things will change. I know how you feel. It is the epitome of human suffering.

 

I hate the song "it's a wonderful world" Whenever i hear it i think, that's such a load of crap. People are sad and while there are those who are happy, to pretend that the world is one big glorious place is disappointing. We're all simply surviving in this world, not all make it but giving it a go is all we can do