how often do you fight?

Once or twice a year for twenty years

 

Fighting to me involves raised voices and emotional scenes you don't want the neighbors to hear. That being the case, I simply don't fight. The second you have to try to make a point with volume, communication has stopped. It's like rock music... loud doesn't improve the quality.

Now, how often do I have a "talk" (as in "We need to talk")? My s.o. and I average about twice a year, but no real fighting.

 

my boyfriend I never really fight. we have one of two that I can think of but, I would not consider them fights.. just disagreements.. it is cause we are pretty different people...

 

Hey Foxes den.. I really like your picture I love that movie!

 

don't know if this is any help at all, but when i was going out with a guy that i was lukewarm towards, we didn't argue at all. we went out for 4 months and barely disagreed on anything, and when we did, one of us would back down almost immediately, or just change the subject. our relationship was just a little bit dull...

this other guy that i'm totally crazy about, i argue with all the time. we cannot go a day without getting into some kind of disagreement, but we truly enjoy arguing with and testing each other.

often it's not the words that are important, but what's behind them. although my previous guy and i shared much kinder words, the implied feelings weren't there.

and as for fighting...i think my current kind of fighting is good. but if you're fighting with somebody because you're irritated with them, you should work out why you're mad in the first place. 'cos i'm pretty sure you're not actually angry because (cue 'The Break Up') he forgot how many lemons to buy.

just look behind the arguments, what's there? hope you made some sort of sense out of my ramblings, good luck

ps. i wouldn't recommend arguing all the time though, if you're in the process of deciding whether to bring up an argument or not, decide not to. you shouldn't argue just because that's what you're used to

 

Been with my guy for a year and a half, yesterday.
Woo.

 

I totally like how your point about communication. That is exactly how I feel about "making a point with the volume." Talks here and there make me feel very good becasue I am a big beleiver in the communication in relationships. Fighting to me is to stressful and I would probably have to end the relationship.

 

Let me see... we're coming up on 15 years together this winter, and will have been married 12 years in February.

First of all, I think a lot of this depends on what you consider a fight.
Is a quick argument a fight?
Is friendly debate a fight if it gets heated?
What if it does get heated, but both parties remain level-headed and LOVE a good argument?
Is it a fight if the other person doesn't know it's happening? (like the silent treatment)

Now... for what *I* would consider a fight:
both people have to be emotionally upset
both people have to have strong, conflicting opinions about something
and neither one is willing to back down or discuss a compromise "without a fight"

So in nearly 15 years together, I think DH & I have had somewhere between 8 & 10 REAL fights. But it all depends on what you consider a fight... we debate things ALL the time
love,
mom

 

oh we dont fight, we get emotional with eachother. He has mood swings and i am super sensitive to them

 

been together 14 years, or is it 15 now? we very rarely, if ever, fight. we do disagree and argue all the time, daily, I'm sure. I can't stand to be around anyone who agrees with me all the time. It simply isn't possible to always agree with anyone if you are actually thinking for yourself.

 

Haven't fought really with my current lady.

With my ex we fought and argued everyday, mainly because of her being an insecure.......*insert word*

 

No real fighting here.
We are both mellow.laid back peple no dominance games.
with respectfor each other. Together since '83
Were not super passionate either that may have somethong to do with it.

Small arguments about stupid stuff tends to let off steam, before a big fight starts.

 

When we first started going out, in fact pretty much for the whole of the first year we never fought. Not even a little disagreement. The 2nd year has been very different and we have fought a fair bit, but never really over anything serious - it has always been over stupid small things or one of us taking things up the wrong way or something like that. My FH has that attitude that soulmates should not and do not fight and seeing as we consider ourselves to be soulmates, that can present a bit of a conflict in interests. I have told him that every couple fights at some point and that is doesn't mean that there are issues or problems. What matters is not that you fight, what matters is how you deal with those fights. Admittedly he has not had the best of family backgrounds as far as fighting goes, and coming to my family where harmony tends to reign 90% of the time was a bit of a shell shock, but I've told him that even my folks who have been together for 27 years and my grandparents who were together for 56 years before my gran died fight, and they still love each other just as much and they are still together. Fighting is not necessarily a bad thing provided you learn the lessons and make changes that are needed. I'm very big on taking away a lesson from each fight and learning how and why things trigger us so that we can underestand each other better and learn from our mistakes.


In our case, I am adamant that a lot of our fights have been caused by a lot of stress - since January, I have changed jobs, his brother got in trouble with the law (a friend of his was killed and he landed with the culpabile homicide charge) which my FH had to try and help out with, my FH was very ill for a while, we then lost his brother in a head on collision with a drunk driver, we moved house (and all the financial burdens that went with that), his car was broken into, his mom was in very ill health and at the end of last month past away after being in a coma and suffering permanent brain damage (all in all in his 28 years of life he's lost 7 family members), we've had issues with my health (of a female nature) and we didn't know what was going on, his car had to have repairs that cost almost half of what my car cost me, and there is a shortfall on his mom's estate AND on top of all of this we are trying to save for and plan our wedding for next year which we are paying for by ourselves!

He says that stress is no excuse, but to be quite frank, we've been through more in the past year than most people go though in 10 years and I think that while it may not be an excuse, it certainly is mittigating circumstances and that it is bound to put strain on any relationship no matter how strong.

So yes, we are fighting more now, but to be honest, I'm not surprised. I also think though, that we have come through things quite well, and that if we can survive this, we can survive just about anything.

 

I like a good fight. But like I said, it depends on the couple and what you consider a fight. I consider any disagreement a fight, but I don't think it is a bad thing. Like I said we are both extremely opinionated (I would not have it any other way) and we both like to be right and neither of us have a problem saying how we feel. But at the end of it all, we love each other so much that none of it matters. I'd rather give up and lose the "fight" than lose my Jer. We have definitely gotten better since the beginning of our relationship. We have learned how to argue and like I said, we never ever have stayed angry for more than a few hours.