How is the person above of you gonna die?

TruInfini · Nov 15, 2007

crummyrummy said:

After eating at a local greasy spoon, TruInfini decides to take the "nature walk" route home. Now, he has walked this way 1000 times at least, but still manages to get turned around and lost. After about a 3 hours (normally a 15 minute) walk, he sees a highway, and sure enough, first car to drive by is a sheriff. At this point, the sun has gone down, so TruInfini has no reference to know the sheriff is driving him east instead of south, back to to town. After about 20 minutes, the sheriff (his name is Ezekiel) turns down a dirt road, claiming a short cut. about 27 minutes later they drive into what can only be called a "dead end". Was Kinda like a "Cul-de-sac" with mountains of old stoves and refrigerators lining the edges. At this point, the cop just stops and says nothing. Tru (as his friends call him) has been edgy for a while, but now is just creeped out. He starts out just a little rattled when he asks "Why are we stopping,dude?" But because the sheriff refuses to look at him or even speak, every repitition gets higher in pitch and more frantic.
He soon gets to a shrill squeel as he chants "why did we stop, why did we stop?" over and over llike a mantra.
At this point, he can see headlights shining from behind, illuminating the walls of discarded kitchen appliances, so he looks back over his shoulder. At first, he cannot tell what they belong to, but as they arrive, one set angles left to block retreat to the left, the other set angles off to the right to completely block any hope of a sheriffs car leaving without a fight.
As Tru turns to the cop to "WTF" him, he notices the cop is balling his eyes out.
Now Tru gets really scared.
As if cued by his panic, both of the vehicals behind him start blaring their horns in unison, 3 quick blasts, a pause , then 2 long blows, repeat.
Over and Over and Over and Over ..........
Finally Tru unfreezes and gets "WHAT THE FUCK" out at the top of his lungs.
The crying sheriff, just looks at him through tear staind eyes (Tru had not noticed the cop was wearing eyeliner and mascara, but it was obiously running down his face now), and began honking in rythm with the bus and towtruck parked behind them.
( did I leave that out? yeah the vehicals blocking escape were this short school bus just oozing rust, and one of them 1970's style tow trucks completely caked in mud, except for windshield wiper shaped mostly clear spots on the windshield).
At this point, Tru thinks "oh my God, I am gonna shit myself!!!"
But he doesnt....yet!
As Tru goes eyes forward he notices all the fridge and oven doors opening.
THERE ARE EYES LOOKING OUT FROM ALL OF THEM!!!!!!
At this point TRu just flips the fuck out and smashes out the winder of the sheriffs cruiser with his forhead. Well first few tries were with the forhead, but after 3 volleys, he finally broke through by leading with his nose.
"I just gotta get outta here" He thought Frantically.
after climbing through the shattered glass opening, he picks up a discarded muffler, and brandishes it as a weapon, just hopng to take some of these freeks out with him as he goes.
The trouble is, tha muffler had a fire ant colony in it, and after like 14 seconds, he started getting eaten alive.
This was the last bit that Tru could take. He just drops the crude weapon and bolts...."BAM!!!!!" right into the rear viww mirror on the passenger side of the bus, breaking his neck.
Death was almost instant.
At this point, all the shining eyes from the people climbing out of the stoves and coolers and the drivers of the three vehicals step out and yell "Happy 21st Birthday Tru!!!!" Floodlights kick on illuminating the sheriff and Tru's mom coming out with a birthday cake.
Then somebody looks over and notices Tru's bladder and bowels had released, and he was, in fact, dead.

Allergy to white rice
Click to expand...

I'm only 18 and my birthday is months away

getting scared half to death twice in a row

crummyrummy · Nov 15, 2007

TruInfini said:

I'm only 18 and my birthday is months away

getting scared half to death twice in a row
Click to expand...

no one said you were gonna die tomorrow.

BrideOfLibertine · Nov 15, 2007

Tornado

crummyrummy · Nov 18, 2007

Walking barefoot on a beach and accidentally stepping on a used needle that washed up, drawing a pack of hungry great white sharks.

salmon4me · Nov 19, 2007

In a shocking bit of irony, crummy will be killed by overzealous dog with a foot fetish.

crummyrummy · Nov 19, 2007

Bird Flu

FlyingBurritoBro · Nov 19, 2007

We're ALL dying from bird flu. Except Crummy... the earth will split and swallow him up, just like in the old testement.

stinkfoot · Nov 19, 2007

FlyingBurritoBro said:

We're ALL dying from bird flu. Except Crummy... the earth will split and swallow him up, just like in the old testement.
Click to expand...

...and except FlyingBurritoBro who will be taken out by a falling safety sign.

goofydrummer · Nov 20, 2007

ingestion of battery acid

BrideOfLibertine · Nov 20, 2007

Stage lighting accident

FlyingBurritoBro · Nov 21, 2007

Overdosed on long vowel sounds.

PriceCheck · Nov 21, 2007

His mother in law makes one too many bitchy comments and he simply expires having lost the will to carry on.

crummyrummy · Nov 25, 2007

knee deep in the hoopla

PriceCheck · Nov 27, 2007

Trying to have sex with an industrial vacuum cleaner.

FlyingBurritoBro · Nov 27, 2007

Suffocates trying to disguise herself as an industrial vacuum cleaner.

PriceCheck · Nov 27, 2007

Falls off a ledge whilst trying to get a peek at a very attractive woman disguised as an industrial vacuum cleaner.

FlyingBurritoBro · Nov 28, 2007

Impaled on her own hand

crummyrummy · Nov 29, 2007

guillotine

FlyingBurritoBro · Nov 30, 2007

They tried that once already.

Flayed, like that saint on the Sistine.

PriceCheck · Dec 1, 2007

Gets tangled in a long strand of Christmas lights and is simultaneously electrocuted and asphyxiated.

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How is the person above of you gonna die?

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stinkfoot truth

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PriceCheck Senior Member

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How is the person above of you gonna die?

TruInfini Member

crummyrummy Brew Your Own Beer Lifetime Supporter

BrideOfLibertine Member

crummyrummy Brew Your Own Beer Lifetime Supporter

salmon4me Senior Member

crummyrummy Brew Your Own Beer Lifetime Supporter

FlyingBurritoBro Sing Me Back Home

stinkfoot truth

goofydrummer Senior Member

BrideOfLibertine Member

FlyingBurritoBro Sing Me Back Home

PriceCheck Senior Member

crummyrummy Brew Your Own Beer Lifetime Supporter

PriceCheck Senior Member

FlyingBurritoBro Sing Me Back Home

PriceCheck Senior Member

FlyingBurritoBro Sing Me Back Home

crummyrummy Brew Your Own Beer Lifetime Supporter

FlyingBurritoBro Sing Me Back Home

PriceCheck Senior Member

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