how do you get him to do oral better

men perform orally based on taste. If he aint performing, then he doesnt really wanna be there.

 

he tells me that he loves it there and that he loves the way i taste etc so that not it, if i would let him he would be there allday!!!

 

you use a lot of toys when h is not around?...actually forget that....has he found the clit yet?

 

hmm okfrom that long story, 1st off the initial rubbing u raw , may have dammaged nerves even? just guessing, but honnestly he sounds totaly clueless as a lover. & having sex withu while your asleep? it all being about himk then going to sleep..it sounds ike if u 2 are to have any kinda decenjt sex life u need to see a sex therapist together, or perhaps take classes in tantric sexuality
i'd hate to suggest maybe seeing if u had the same results with a different lover, especialy since u have so many sexual misconceptions yourself
sex shouldnt ever feellike a chore though..
if uhave to work at it theres definately a big problemthere that goes beyond clitoral sensativity.. odviosly he doesnt have the sensativity totreat your body right
&if this is your only sexual experience, & its always been bad, its understandable you have no real connection toyour own sexuaiity

 

erm how much of this thread have you read? yes hes found it!!!

 

very little, is asking questions to avoid reading a problem?

 

oh thought umeant me..iread it all

 

thanks for that, finally someone is starting to understand my situation!!!

unfurtunately weve been to the therapy, i didnt help at all, in fact it made things 100% worse as i was told that the rape i experienced "was nothing to traumatic" and while it wasnt the sole cause of my problems it certainly hasnt helped, cause in going to the therapy we were told to do certain exercises, sensate focus, i have a big problem with that, it gave me huge panic attacks but when we reported back to her all she said was more of the same for weeks on end, got the feeling that if it wasnt on the page in the book she was using then she didnt have any suggestions, and to be honest i have gained more helpful info from places such as here and other sites i use.

 

crummyrummy - think you should read it through!! then feel free to comment, i dont have a problem with it then.

 

gotcha. no offense intended

 

ican beliegve that, the proper therapist is key, & every rape is traumatic

thats sorta why ithought u could lookinto a more like tantric sexuality wich isnt so mkuch based on the sensation, & certainly not orgasm, but a more just connective feeling, a spiritual sexuality between you,
once your more used to just taking your time to feel more connected, ithinkit may allow you to feel more..& certainly he'll learn toappreciate being more gentle & patient, & observant

from what u have said..its a few kisses & plunge onin..then nothing.. its no wonder you have zero feelings from it

just once try an hour or soof foreplay..not just going downon u but carressing, cuddling kissing..everywhere, tenderness & let the desire build slowly..ithinkyou feel no desire for sex because younever feelthat ..connection ..that desire

 

none taken, but well it took a while for me to write the explaination out and it does explane thing well i think, so perhaps it would give you better insight if you read that.

 

yes toreally understand u do need toread it all

 

soaringeagle - i have begged him!! yes begged, for things to go slower, he says he is, for him yes not for me, its either totally sex is of tonite or its full on, never anything other than the kiss when he comes home from work, ive told him i cant relax, i start going into panic mode very early on and then im spending most of the time together playing catchup!! fighting against myself, unfurtunately i have no idea as to how or where we could learn tantric stuff, i have tried to read once about it, but i really havent got a clue as to what it was on about, almost to the extent that it was written in a total different lanuage

 

hey look i have to get ready now for a friends mums funeral today, can on without me and i will read up later and get back to you all, thanks

 

it sorta is if u read certain books iguess but id suggest taking workshops..
ok i'm really at a loss since it really sounds like he has no self control, or no wilingness to vary the way he does things, so as isee it umayonly have certain options for a fulfilling sex ife 7 theyre things id only evver sufggest as a real last resort since your inlove & u have only been withhim your whole life, but the options as isee it are, communication, let himknow hes either gotta really slow down & tryharder or else you may have to go to one of the other options..jusyt sou can feel sexualy complete..
&the other optionsare..&these are only extreme lst resorts..but u could have someone else show him..someone who does know how tobge gentle..& go slow & get uarroused
or..find a lover on the side..who doesarrouse u
like i said yjoid hate tosee it come tothat
ive heard this kinda thing before where the guy was just clueless & would hurt her..badly..everytime..maybe he needs to hear these things from another man? that its ok for a man tobe gentle?
thats a possibility since sterotypicaly media & everything casts the male in a more forcefulrole &maybe he just thinks thats the way it shopuld be?

 

ineed to sleep realy soon, but when udo get around toreading this..can utell me a bit abiout your childhood?
iknow hes got some major issues, but ifeellike theres more toit onyour end as well, perhaps from as eearly as age 3 or 4?

 

i will get back in touch through the pm for that bit!! have a good sleep, and i will speak soon

 

yes please do..&..i thinku just confirmed my suspicions but we;ll get intothat tomorow..hugs goodnight

 

so sorry sometimes i forget about the time difference!! it was 10.15am here in the uk when you sent your last message, anyways im back from the funeral and have sent you a pm, for when your ready.