How are you?

GOOD! lets all feel good together!
like I always say to myself.. The ecstasy only works if you smile!

Peace and Love!!

and creampie00 (hehe what a name) do not worry! everything is gonna be alright!
man are looking at you because you are one sexy beast.. be proud!
do not be jealous. man look at women. this is the way of life. does not mean anything.. he probably loves you more than words can tell..

 

Day number two w no cigarettes here.

I'm doing it for money reasons this time (I've quit lots of times in the past...but I don't get stressed out about the whole "starting and stopping" thing. I just figure anytime I stop for any length of time my lungs are getting a break.)

Anyways, day two w that and doing alright w it. Not TOO cranky.

My mother in law is coming over in one hour. Then Cason and I are going food shopping and then.... I'm gonna come home and make a couple diff soups and just hang out. It's rainy and pretty blah here today BUT it's not so damn hot and humid. The humidity here the past few days has been very annoying- worse than it was all summer.

Oh... I did TONS of cleaning yesterday and earlier today. And now I'm into more the organizing and decorating aspect.

It's a decent day.

 

I thought you were cheating on him...?

 

I'm okay. Its rainy and icky here and my work really sucks on Mondays. I'm pretty tired too because my son woke up last night around 11:30 and decided he wanted to play for a couple of hours. Then I finally got him to sleep and drifted into a deeeep sleep myself....when all of a sudden my boyfriend's phone let out a really loud alarm. Appearantly it was the weather app on his phone letting him know about imminent flooding in our area. So about the same time the heavens opened up and it started pouring down rain, right in time for us to realize the car windows were rolled down. I finally fell asleep a while after that fiasco and then my son wakes up at 6 am wanting to play some more. so I'm a sleep deprived zombie today.
buuut i'm off tomorrow and the next day for my boyfriend's birthday and my son's birthday the next day. I'm going to make birthday cakes. My life is about to get much better.

 

I might relapse smoking today. because I want to. I will stop again anyways because my throat is not healthy and cigarettes make me hurt and make me sick but Im working all night and work starts soon. I have to survive somehow. I have to rely on cancer sticks for stimulation... bummer..or maybe its not a good idea.. I might have a hole on my lungs.. got to get a medical check up soon..
I snorted some speed months ago and I still got the chest pains.. maybe some powder got down there and burned a hole ..I dont think its my heart.. I do bungy jumpin and could not induce heart attack.. (yeah im kinda like that... actually here is a confession I have to make.. (goddamn coke) Im depressed and acting happy is the only thing that keeps me ... me. .you know.. you have to act happy to be happy.. if you dont act happy then you are not happy. what ever way you act is what you are..

Its all an act tho. we are all neutral and all one but the way we act separates us from each other..
I have to learn to act again.. from scratch because I have been acting like a fool and a depressed quiet loser who cant even get himself a partner for life... The love means nothing if you don't show it to the others! I have to learn to act differently! I have to learn to live with others and not alone. Im a loner. a lone rider. But I do not want to be.
Ahh look at all the lonley people.. they played a beatles tune yesterday at the psytrance party.

Im feeling good... But lonley..
I hope all people enjoy my posts.. It hurts me to see that people feel bad.

I have a post for Writer: I am not Cosmokrot 2.0.. I know Im addict and I will die an addict but My life will be different. i hope you are feeling good and Im sorry that my careless drug abuse upset-ed you.
Some ppl are just strange when your a stranger...
i hope all of you are doing good!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7gdC6XWIoU"]St Germain - Rose Rouge - YouTube
goddamn I love cocaine...addict for life.
Peace and Love and Unity and Respect and (If you can) Responsibility!
Lets all trade candy and share stories!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

 

She did say she was fucking Terrible

 

Tired. Lonely. Under pressure. Constantly switching between wanting to give up and resolving to try my hardest. Very tired.

And worst of all, out of weed. For a whole week already, with no prospect of a remedy.

 

Good one.
I might have confused her with someone though, a lot of HF women cheat on their husbands.

 

I guess I'm good then,...or funny?, now they are funny too.

 

I am just drifting through a dewy meadow.

 

I took some books back to the library and got some more...yay for the library! :2thumbsup:

Today I got my license renewed. They do it for 10 years in my state (unless you are in your late 80s and then they still do it for 5 years). The past 10 years have gone in a flash...and also crawled. How is that?

FTR: I found the difference between 46 yrs old and 56 yrs old in a photo almost terrifying...I never thought I was, but I've discovered in the past several years I'm a little vain. I don't feel, in my head, any older that I did in my mid 30s.

 

I'm doing well, thanks

 

doing great, waiting for K to get off work so we can go to the beach

 

waiting for driveway to dry out a bit so i can finish dropping the transmission and transfer case out of a truck

 

Having a drink at the bar... Still pretty lame

 

sounds like a lot of work

 

it is ..but it makes pulling the engine easier

 

Had a long day. Work from 6:30am to 4:30, then went to hospital to see my grandmother in-law after having knee surgery. Felt bad leaving her so soon so we stayed until like 7 and didn't end up getting home until after 8. Stopped off to have a few drinks. Very long and stressful day. Glad to be relaxing now.

 

Kind of down, actually. My built-in resiliency has failed me, for some reason.

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." ... Stephen King