Having trouble getting my girlfriend to accept my lifestyle

I'm glad we helped, make sure you don't wimp out on keeping us posted on how it goes and I hope she can find a way to overlook the image thing.

 

Idno though, wearing yourdads blood from when he got shot in the arm? Thats kind of... idno just seems off . I don't like it when kids where army clothes for some reason though. Id say whawtever you like. I don't tend to wear tie dye all the time because its kind of a hassle because everyones like fucking hippie. But just talk to her about why it matters to her what you wear. Beauty radiates from the inside, your right, so I just wear plain clothes a lolt of the time. Just kind of comfortable clothes, not like those big brand clothes that ppl pay ridiculous amounts of money for.

 

Well this is how the conversation went....

She came home and I asked her to sit down, that I had a problem that we needed to talk about. I explained to her that the comment she made about the way I dressed left me pretty hurt and feeling pretty down. That I was willing to compromise, but not to a point that kept me from expressing myself. She looked at me and just smiled, she said that I surprised her by being willing to compromise and that (and this was the shocker) wouldn't want to date me if I wasn't being myself...and that if I was wearing what I was wearing because it was who I was and not something I was trying to be she wouldn't try to change it. It was a little more emotional than that (we are both very emotional people) but what she said really struck home. A hippie I am and a hippie I will stay. Again I really appriciate the adivce and time you have given me to solving my problems, again I'll say it you guys are great. Sorry I kept this so short but I am in no mind to type, I just want to spend some quality (and a little altered) time with her. Again thank you for all the help and support..I hope I can feel at home on this site.

Peace,

Al

 

Hey man GLAD TO HEAR IT!!! I hope I can find a girl like that some day, if I can't find a hippie mamma (which there are few around here, none really close to my age that I have met yet, but I am looking).

But I am glad she was so open to you being yourself man, congrats on how it went!

 

So you wasted all our time trying to help you when there wasn't a problem in the 1st place??!! God sake dude, YOU SUCK!

 

dude, I'm sorry, but she's being ridiculous.


the whole idea of dating and loving one another is the fact that you fully accept someone for who they are. if she can't do that with you, then she's got a problem.

DON'T change who you are for her. Be who you are. There's not much else to do than talk to her about it- tell her that you are proud of who you are, and that you don't want to suppress your individuality/personality just so she doesn't feel "embarassed." I hate "if you loved me" statements, (and I don't suggest you say this to her) but if she really loved/cared for you, she'd support who you were. If there was a constitution for love, that'd definitely be the first amendment- fully accepting your partner for who she/he is.

also, try to help her understand her uptight-ness and insecurity with how worried she is with how she looks. does she criticize others for how they look, or think otehrs look weird, wherther she says it or not? criticism of others naturally leads to one feeling self-concious themself, so maybe that's her problem? whatever it is, make sure she isn't taking her feeligns of upitghtness out on you.

she sounds liek she's cool, and she must be if you've been together for so long. just make sure you talk to her fairly, and at the same time firmly state your opinion. honesty is the best policy eh?
Cheers, and good luck man,
Dylan

 

thats great, i gotta remember that one

 

WOW I LOVE THAT!!! I get lines about that all the time about how I look "better" with short hair.

 

To the original poster: Though I've read the whole thread and see it's not really a problem now (which is good), I just want to say, the clothes you described is not really that far-out. Tie-dye shirt, vest, sandals, and long hair isn't that out there. I see tie dye pretty often, sandals EVERYWHERE ON EVERYONE. I mean, yeah it's clearly hippie gear when you put it all together on a person, but still, not incredibly outrageous.

Me, I just stick to jeans and a Tshirt. Never got into dressing much different, though I am usually barefoot, and do have a full beard with long hair.

And Drumminmamma, i love that line, I'll use that some time, I'm sure.

 

Well I know things are all solved now. But, just a point here. When people say don't change things for her, unfortunetly you have to change some things if you love her. Relationships are all about comprimise between both people, and if your not willing to comprimise then you don't truly love her. What I'm saying is by no means, change who you are. Not that at all. But giving up your beard or a small thing that would make her happy is not changing your identity at all. Sometimes theres things in life that just bug us, and to be willing to change some small thing about you for her, is an amazing sign of love. It may be superficial, but some things you just don't like, even if they are the physical part of a person.

Glad things are good now and turned out so well for you two.

 

That's invalid confute.

When you meet someone, thier personal style/look/dress is part of their identity, if that changes as they evolve as a human, that is still part of thier identity. To suggest changing something that is a deeply personal choice shows that you either do not love that person, or you are just incredibly selfish. To even suggest that is an intolerable fallacy. You are right, relationships are about compromise, but you do not compromise WHO YOU ARE, if you do, then you become someone you aren't, and thereby adapt for the purpose of keeping a relationship, and that's unhealthy.

 

For some reason I'm holding back all my views on this. Hmmm.

 

Sorry I didn't get back to you right away. Thanks for the help and advice with this issue, and yes I do understand that compromise is needed in a relationship. I am thinking about shaving my beard today to surprise her, and because it's getting pretty ichy...lol. Well thanks again for your time and thoughts.

Peace,

Al

 

I love the way you think..just like me!

 

If she loves you, she will accept you as you are. If you've been together this long, she can see beyond appearances so I don't see why this would be a problem for her. Don't change for anyone, you always have to be true to yourself, so maybe tell her how you are who you are and you will wear want you want, regardless of what she thinks!

 

sighhh. i love a happy ending. i do have a couple of comments to interject.

our culture is what it is right now - until we change it. if i "fly colors", as i like to call it, in say walmart on sunday morning i expect to be looked at. sometimes i don't want to be stared at, like if i'm kinda paranoid right then or trying not to get pulled over. my point is you can be yourself, but in this society sometimes we have to tone it down to get what we want.

my second point is that we do compromise for those we love. maybe she has no problem with your dress most of the time, but if you have to meet her dad for lunch she might appreciate some toning down. you wouldn't want her to wear that skimpy lingerie out with you & your boys on friday night would you?

final comment - sorry man, but the blood thing is a little out there. i respect your homage to your dad - i would keep it too. but i don't think i'd wear it around.

 

Slip her some lsd.

 

I don't know Ruby, that skimpy lingere would look great in the bowling alley...lol. I do see what you mean about compromise...and thats why I shaved the beard. I didn't expect to loose that many years..I was actually ID for ciggarets the other day, hasn't happend since I was 16.

And about my fathers jacket.....yeah I know it's kinda weird, but when you are on a campus and hear people saying "I'm gonna join the army and go to Iraq. It's gonna be awsome, I get to blow shit up." I look at them, point to the sleeve, and say..."some one could blow you up too." I guess it's my effort to pull young americans away from throwing away their lives for oil. btw that reminds me..you guys see that new ford comming out? My mother was calling it the new "hippie mobile", what she called the buses in the day. I'm thinking about getting one...what do you guys think..not sure what it's called but it uses recycled tires for the floor, net seats so no animals had to die for the seats, hybrid engine...seems great.

Peace,

Al