Have you ever totally understand people who wanted to kill themselves?

Well, not to dabble too deep into your personal life, but sounds like ibuprofen to me. I understand you not wanting to give people ideas, but IMO, there are much more effective ways to end ones life (with much less pain). I knew a guy who got the idea to see how high he could get his BAC to before passing out, he woke up in the hospital two days later. Apparently he had some 20% chance to live.

 

Nah, pills are a bad way to get something in your system, they can just pump your stomache.

That's why something like that alcohol poisoning would work a little better, and it's a bit of fun, maybe.





I have to say, no one will ever experience this and live probably, kidney failure is like a very strange drunkenness, absolute numbness and not very unpleasant at all...

...O

 

I've thought I was dead quite a few times, or at least i've thought the odd world i'd been sent to was death. mostly it would appear to me as if suddenly i was put in a place of some sort where the sole thing that's happening is a general acknowledgment that you are in the place, everything so unprofound that it's profound. And I would assume that i had suddenly died and that this place was death.
Wanting to kill myself has never happened. I had terrible vibrations once, stuck in a loop, running around the streets, I would run almost to a car then run away and suddenl;y be so happy about my own existence (which is what I had been doubting that caused me to run into traffic) and life in general that I'd experience this wonderful peak where the world would lag then speed up like the chainsaw affect in techno and my body would spark with electricity.
I escaped the loop by cutting off a beer tab tied aroudn my neck once and the realizing it wasn't there the next time I appeared in the same place. And when i escaped I experienced intense euphoria. Timeloops are one of my worst fears and I think of them as worse than death, so they might cause me to want to end it momentarily, but I usually have evry good trips and I don't understand anyone actually killing themself while tripping; there'd have to be a lot of horrible repressed down in their subconsious, released suddenly in order to induce that sort of a horrible reaction.

 

No.

When I was a teen, living in my group home where I "grew up", a group of us dropped lots of acid. I mean lots. For example, I was living there in 1975 and a group of us went to the April 24, 1975 Pink Floyd concert in nearby Santa Monica, on acid all there there driving on the freeway, all through the concert, and all the way back home and into the next day we tripped lol. (I can easily remember the date without googling it because i saved all my concert ticket stubs from back then - and i'm looking at it right now - Sec 8 Row 7 Seat 7 )

Anyways so there's this redneck that came to be living there well after i moved in. We called him Tex. Yeah he was from Texas. he was sort of both corny (but in a cool sort of way) and naive when it came to drugs. Very uptight sort of dude.

At some point he talked us into letting him try acid. Now, what you should know is that I and some of us others in our group back then, had a lot of experience with acid tripping - including having bad trips and dealing with them ourselves and in others. (One of these times I'll tell about the guy we once saved from jumping off the top of a railroad tunnel while a train was passing under because he was convincing himself he could fly. I know - old cliche lsd reaction story - but it actually happens).

Okay, so there was this weekend when the group home counselors were all going to be away (which was a little secret that we all had - because they weren't really supposed to do that ) Our regular group was going to do one of the usual things for those weekends - trip out at home on acid. A rare pleasure! This time we included Tex in on it.

Normally for a weekend-long trip-out, us regulars would take two hits of windowpane (i have no idea the terms for today). two hits was a really, really high trip for an experienced user. a trip that could fuck up a newbie big big time. (At the floyd concert we took 3 hits of windowpane while in line waiting for it to open - a buzz i will never forget!).

So for Tex we decided on a quarter-hit of windowpane. For most newbies we'd go a half-pane. If we thought they could not handle that much we usually just declined to get involved with them on that. But we really wanted to get Tex tripping. We knew it would open his brain in ways we were convinced he needed to experience. So we made an exception for him but still only wanted him to do a quarter hit.

Anyways <shit this is getting long>, Tex freaked out. I mean completely. I don't mean like I did once when I had a really bad trip - when everything turned into a fucking WB cartoon world, and I had to walk like two miles through the city while totally gone tripping. Fucking stop lights were tall daises - thank god for my friend with me or i would prolly have died at an intersection.

No, I mean like he started running around like a wildman, grabbing everything he could grab and smashing it to the floor. Taking glasses from the kitchen and slamming them into the pool table. Throwing the pool balls through the windows and smashing them. As a side-thing here - we had this project going at the time where we were sledgehammering away our front driveway so we could replace it. Tex was grabbing broken chunks of the concrete from the driveway and heaving them around the house into the walls and everything. he was going fucking crazy - in a bad way.

Eventually he started to grab knives out of the kitchen and waving them around and said he could not hurt himself even if he stabbed himself in the chest or neck with one. He wouldn't die he'd yell. Technically I guess that isn't a suicide threat - now that I think about it. But he was going to kill himself. He was just convinced the act would not kill him. So in a way it was.

He didn't do it though. At one point he threw down the knives. That's when we had to move on him.

We, high ourselves on our two hits each, had to tackle him down. We just held him until he ran out of energy and finally quit struggling with us. Man he already destroyed a lot of shit by then. So I guess we ended up holding him until he peaked and was coming down from that. While we had to fucking peak ourselves while dealing with that shit.

Okay too long a story - but now here's how he ended up.

It did open his mind alright He changed completely. Hell he bended so far he was able to find who he really was. Shortly after that he turned into a queen. Started going to Hollywood on the weekends in drag. Ended up after he "graduated" from group home he was doing drag-queen gay porn movies. We'd visit him every so often in North Hollywood, where he lived in with this semi-rich sugar daddy in the gay porn business.

Tex kept the nickname we gave him. He went by that with everyone.

I'll tell you this - after he changed that way - he was no longer uptight. he was a very relaxed, happy, mellow dude. That acid trip allowed him to find himself. He'd told us that himself plenty of times. Thanked us actually.

sorry the long story - didnt realize it when i started typing.

 

Wow.