For bi men whose wife is still "in the dark".......

Reality check? For? About?

 

When a bi married (or a str8) guy thinks that, NOW that he has a wife, he can have ALL the pussy he wants "on demand".

Realistically, even I know that just ain't gonna happen............

 

If that's what men think today, I'm thinking that something's rotten in the state of Denmark because that was something was believed from the 1950s through maybe the early 1970s and at a time when Women's Lib came to be and they decided that they wanted to be seen more as equals and people but not sexual objects. As I seem to recall, the early 70s gave birth to a lot of divorces for lack of consortium and husbands being arrested for raping their wives because she said no and he believed that he had a right to the pussy 24/7 on demand and resistance was futile.

This was a damned good reason to hit the DL for sex and more so when women/wives/girlfriends were holding the pussy hostage and making getting next to it so highly conditional that it wasn't even funny and... why bother with this Women's Liberation bullshit when there were (a) women out there who could easily be charmed out of their panties and with legs wide open and/or (b) guys who didn't have a problem sucking cock and bending over to take the high hard one in the ass. It was also a good reason for those guys who, for all intents and purposes, wanted to be the girl and spend time on their knees worshipping cock with their mouth and exulting in being fucked and inseminated.

Into the 1980s, there were still guys who had a bad case of "Me Tarzan, You Jane" syndrome and with that Old Testament mindset about what a woman's role was supposed to be, i.e., barefoot and pregnant and when he wanted the pussy, she was to drop everything and give it up and whether she wanted to or not. Women had had enough of that bullshit and forced a change in the male mindset so if there's a guy in 2025 who thinks that getting married means all the pussy he can handle, someone's fed him a lot of misinformation that's way out of date. He should have gotten that reality check and possibly when he was a teenager.

And even if he gets lucky and marries a woman who wants to have sex more than he does, at some point, that well is going to run dry and... then what? Now what?

 

KD23:

Yet another "right-on-the-mark" response; VERY well stated, and, also, "says it all"......

 

Now, what women either didn't understand or didn't give a fuck about was denying a husband the pussy was a good way to cause him to do the one thing she didn't want him to do: Cheat on her. A lot of women would pour the sex onto a guy, he puts a ring on it and... little to no sex and that's what they mean when they say that the honeymoon is over. Such women figured that their husband wouldn't dare risk an ugly divorce that was sure to happen when she caught him cheating and... a lot of those women were sorely wrong because remember that one of the laws of the jungle was "If you don't take care of your man/woman, someone else can and will." This law would be amended to include the fact that the person who's now taking care of your man/woman could be of the same sex as they were.

If this did nothing else, I thought it better "legitimized" married women having girlfriends that they were having sex with and if they were caught out about it, oh, well, too bad, dude although it is true that some husbands got violent with their wife over this and got to be guests of the state for beating on her or, worse, killing her. Women could be equally violent against men and got away with it because, come on - who's gonna believe a guy who said that his wife beat him up? But if women were going to, again, hold the pussy hostage or deem her husband unworthy of getting any from her, it would inevitably force a guy onto the DL either with another woman or... well, is there a guy who doesn't know that there are other guys who love to have sex with guys?

Guys would take the risk of throwing it down with other guys because if a wife suspected anything, it would be that he's cheating on her with another woman and they also knew that when she confronted them about this, they wouldn't be telling her a lie when they said that they weren't cheating on her with another woman. But there came a time when women seemed to know that he was cheating on her with another dude and now shit is hitting all kinds of huge fans and he's finding himself defending the fact that he's not gay but, all the while, she's not trying to hear that he was sucking cock with this dude because she refused to have sex with him and now taking something about him and making it all about her and what she wasn't going to do and what she didn't have to do, it was her body, so on and so forth.

It pushed guys deeper onto the DL to be able to get some cock on the side until it was "proven" that bisexuality is real but bisexual men were - are - a clear and present danger to women because of STDs, HIV and, of course, AIDS. They still didn't seem to get or understand that if they weren't going to have sex with him, he might decide that it would be cheaper to keep her so no divorce will be forthcoming but... his needs are being ignored and "Teddy" had offered him a blowjob the other day and... how bad could it be when there were, obviously, "a lot of guys" who sucked dick? A clear reference to gay dudes, of course, but they'd soon find out that not all men who suck dick are gay.

Including them. Let's keep this on the DL because we can't afford to have our wives find out what we're doing. If she finds out and now she's all butt-hurt about what he's been doing and who he's been doing it with, well, sweetie, you should have taken care of your husband so that no one else was going to. Quite different from the situation where women are medically unable to have sex and, of course, the female libido killer, menopause. Even then, if a wife isn't going to take care of her man's sexual needs, where's the sense in prohibiting him from getting someone else to do it? The logic is sound but, yeah, he'd be one lucky son-of-a-bitch if she were to tell him to go ye forth and have sex as you need it and with anyone you care to. She might not like the fact that she had to tell him this but, again, if she can't or doesn't want to have sex anymore, well, what's he supposed to do?

Absent this? Guys hit the DL, they keep their wife in the dark, and... life goes on. Nothing to see here, move along, move along...

 

KD23:

One of your "TOP 10" responses, for sure!

I've read many magazine articles over the years that were, in all honesty, mediocre at best.

You certainly have all of the "components" of a trul PROFESSIONAL staff writer........EXCELLENT work, as is your forte!

 

It's not always about what a guy is doing on the DL but it's about why he's there in the first place.

 

KD23:

Indeed!

WHAT is that guy doing on the "DL" in the FIRST place?

Obviously, he can't get what he wants OTHERWISE, so, yeah, his only resort to "getting what he wants" is do be doing the "DL"........"feast or famine", I suppose.............

 

If he wants to express his bisexuality, he either needs his wife's permission to pursue this or go behind her back to do it. The question of why he is there isn't about availability or opportunity but what was going on in his life that had him making the decision to hit the DL and take care of his need for sex by sleeping with other men.

Men in sexless relationships is like a no-brainer; guys who were already bisexual when they got married is a 'different reason why' because once you get that taste of cock, you can never seem to get enough of it and he's also faced with either asking her for permission or hitting the DL. Then there are the guys who were never bisexual but, one morning, they wake up with an unexpected - and usually unwanted - craving to suck a man's cock. Which is really not a bad thing except the person he's married to doesn't have a cock and even though he's getting plenty of pussy, he starts to realize that until he has an experience with a hard cock, he's not really going to feel fully satisfied. Such a man will resist the urge for as long as he can but eventually, he's going to succumb to it and... how to get it? Where to get it? Who to get it from? And, very likely, fully aware that if he can't get permission from her, he's gonna have to take a trip to the DL...

 

KD23:

A-plus response!

When a bisexual man marries a woman, it is anyone's guess as to just how much complexity and grief is going to be involved, somewhere along the road....and it ain'y gonna be pretty.

Once that toxic shit hits the fan, well, NONE of us would want to witness THAT bloody carnage.........

 

That would be true if a bisexual man married a gay man. For a lot of bi guys, pussy is still very much desired. We want to eat it; we want to finger it; we want to slide our cock in it and pump a lot of sperm into it. In other words, we can still have a great hunger for it anod while having a steady supply of man-sex, whew, pussy is so hard to ignore so when you want some, you gotta get some. Now, you could ask the guy you're married to for permission to get some or... there's the DL. Or you could just go without and like you've been doing ever since you got married to him and spend your nights dreaming about pussy and remembering what it's like to get some.

Would you assume that complexity and grief wouldn't be involved in this situation? That things couldn't get toxic and bloody?

 

KD23:

Without a doubt, things would get PRETTY ugly in such a volatile situation, for sure, not to mention the grief and total complexity......for sure, a fucking toxic clusterfuck.........

 

Just my opinion........

A married bisexual man shoulders responsibilities that a (totally) str8 married male would not even be able to comprehend.............

 

He'd understand it if he ever thought - even for a single moment - of cheating on his wife. He would almost instantly see the level of shit he could get himself into and being known as an adulterer and violating one of the Ten Commandments. The shame of adultery that his wife, family, and friends could feel knowing that he cheated on her and, by our reckoning, he had no reason or excuse for doing that to her.

Two things at work here. The first is the point of commonality that is infidelity; both men committed it, likely on the DL. The second thing is who he was having an affair with; one guy is having an affair with another man, and the other guy is having an affair with a woman. One would be... understandable; the other, not so much since it is morally and religiously forbidden. The same sexual health risks exist.

You tell me why you think a straight married man wouldn't be able to comprehend the responsibilities a married bisexual man would have to shoulder. And this is on top of the responsibilities that a married man of any sexual orientation is tasked to be responsible with and for. Both guys are harboring something in their minds that they may not act upon but it's still there, marinating and fermenting and tempting him just the same. It can even get them thinking, "Why the fuck did I get married?" because they just found out another way being married can fuck a lot of shit up.

I got married and women who I'd been trying to bed - and who wouldn't give me the time of day to save my life - all of a sudden wanted to fuck me... and some of the were women who I would have given my left leg to have sex with. They see my wedding ring and, oh, now you wanna give me some pussy? Once our marriage went open, you can bet your ass that I went back and got that pussy but that's not the point - the point is just the thought of cheating on my wife at that point in time showed me a dark pit of shit that I didn't want anything to do with. My sexuality was never a secret to her so the only marinating/festering thing I had going on was my normal craving to suck cock.

 

First, it's the fact that they cheated. Next, it's who they cheated with and yeah, "You cheated on me with another man?" is much worse that, "You cheated on me with some skank bitch?" Then it's why you cheated on her and "It just happened!" isn't going to be an acceptable excuse even though, yeah, it is a valid response, and I've gotten pussy or dick because it just happened - because shit always happens when you don't want or expect it to.

For this one, one comeback on her part is, "You should have said no!" or "You should have been strong enough to resist the temptation!" and these are also quite valid... and uttered by someone who either doesn't know how this can work or doesn't believe that it should happen like this or maybe both. Regardless of the married guy's sexuality, the moment he even decides to cheat on her/him, he's in the shit and the longer their spouse is in the dark, the deeper and smellier the shit gets and breaking it off with the other person - or they dump you - won't absolve you from the fact that you cheated on them and you shouldn't have even if you had a valid reason for doing so. Well, no - let's not say valid; let's say logical instead but even changing the word doesn't mean a hill of toilet paper and wipies because... you cheated.

You could hit your aggrieved spouse with all the logic you can bring to bear and now it's, "Yeah, but..." time, that moment when they let you know that they understood what you said... but. Then get comfortable because there's going to be a lot of very emotional shit following that "but" that will utterly destroy your logic. Then, just like what the married bisexual guy will have to suffer through, the aggrieved spouse will now take something about you and make it all about them - and even if they're the reason why you cheated on them.

If you don't have their idea of a good and valid reason, you're damned. If you do have a good and valid reason, you're damned. Most guys would be lucky to find that it sometimes is easier to beg forgiveness but if she tells you that she forgives you, well, history has proven that she really hasn't and she sure as fuck isn't going to forget. Bi, straight, or gay, your every move going forward will be highly scrutinized and you won't be able to go take a shit without your spouse bellowing to find out where you are and what you are doing - and then coming to see if you are where you said you were and doing what you said you were doing.

Any and every time you leave the house - or are otherwise out of her sight - she's going to be blowing your phone up and if you leave it where she can find and access it, she might "bug" your phone with a snooping app that'll let her know where you are and what you've been doing on your phone from phone calls to whatever you used the phone's browser for. And let's not forget that you've betrayed her trust and you can pretty much forget that she's going to trust or believe you going forward.

All of this and then some is what the guy who is on the DL for sex could face if his spouse steps back into the light...

 

KD23:

A++++++++++!

Another EXCELLENT and CONCISE reponse!

 

You also have to wonder about the bi married male, who has (so far) kept his unsuspecting wife in the dark", when, like a bolt out of the blue, with no warning, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE and SOMEHOW, she discovered your BISEXUAL.......AND....having sex with other MEN!

Now, with all hell breaking loose, you can easily imagine the sweating "outed" hubby thinking back to the day he proposed to his wife:

"What the fuck was I thinking?"

So many "what ifs".....too many ticking time bombs......too many potential clusterfucks..........

 

The men I personally know who, somehow, got outed didn't ask what they were thinking about when they went on the DL to satisfy that craving for sex and cock; they were asking, "How the fuck did she find out?" Some of those guys actually outed themselves - and they had no idea that they did. Their daily habits abruptly changed; some had "new friends" that they didn't have before. One guy spent a day having a cocksucking spree and sucked off a bunch of guys including me then went home and... kissed his lady smelling and tasting like cock and cum. Another guy had a lady who I would say was 'scary intuitive' and she knew something wasn't right with him and process of elimination told her what her intuition was telling her. Yes, he was cheating on her but since she had eliminated him cheating with another woman, that left only one other possibility.

A couple of guys wound up being outed because they were out having sex with their male friend and when they came home, their woman wanted to fuck, and they hadn't recovered from that motherfucking refractionary period of sex yet. That made their women immediately suspicious and, ultimately, they figured it out. Some guys never considered that while they were on the lookout for people who knew him, they weren't aware of the people who knew him because they knew his lady and, um, yeah, girl, I saw "Jeff" going into that Motel 6 with some faggot-looking dude or, in the case of one guy, he had fucked a gay friend of his wife - but didn't know they were friends. The gay dude was telling her about this new guy he met who had a lot of dick and knew how to use it and said his new guy's mouth was magic and when he described his new man to her, well, she immediately recognized that his new guy was her husband.

You can probably imagine how that went. As I seem to recall, one of those guys escaped 'execution' via "It's better to beg forgiveness" and his lady pretty much owned him going forward. She didn't really forgive him and definitely did not forget. Another guy avoided the firing squad because his infidelity with men opened the door for her to openly have sexy fun with her female lovers - and she had quite a few of them from what I was told.

The rest got the 'death penalty' and killed their relationship and their reputation. No woman would give them the time of day, so their only sexual recourse was to have 'monogamous sex' with mostly gay men. And, yeah, even when some of those guys went on the DL for dick because their woman refused them sex of any kind, the women in question took no responsibility for their part in the resulting clusterfuck.

The message remains clear: If you're keeping her in the dark, do not let her into the light because it might not go well for... anyone.

 

KD23:

Excellent (as usual!) response........

I guess being that you've seen (and done) it all over the course of many decades has given you a tremendous vista and a vast understanding of just what's "going on down", from any and all perspectives and angles.

Talk about "life's education"!

 

When you want to know why something works the way it does, you tend to find out a lot of stuff about why it works the way it does. Not everything I've learned is what I'd call good - men and women who want more than what their partner can provide - when he needs dick, she doesn't have one - should be allowed to get it so as to take care of their need while preserving their relationship. But that's not the way things work so, sadly, men and women have to put their spouses/partner in the dark while they slink down to DL to take care of that need. And when their infidelity gets exposed, yeah, all kinds of holy hell can be released upon them... and sometimes not but that depends on the couples and what they belief and if they believe in the traditional relationship rules, well, shit, maybe ya shouldn't have cheated on them but what other viable choices do you really have?

When you have some woman's husband coming to you to have sex, well, why? I've asked them because I wanted to know. They told me. A lot of sad stories. A lot of acts of revenge, i.e., she cheated on him so now he's cheating on her and in a way that he probably knows is going to make her lose her shit when she finds out. Some found out that shit really does happen when you're not expecting it to. Some are under the influence of their hair of the dog, removing their inhibitions and who knew that he knew his way around a dick like that?

Stories of, "I always wanted to try it!" Stories of, "I always wanted to have sex with a Black guy!" Not every guy who wants some dick is doing so because of a wife who doesn't want to have sex. He still has to keep her from finding out that he did it.

I learned that when a man wants and needs to have sex, he's gonna do whatever he needs to do. Cheat on his wife and for whatever reason makes sense to him? Sure, he'll do that and with the understanding of what could happen when she finds out. Just wants to satisfy his curiosity and scratch that itch? Sure, why not? What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

And when you like dick the way I liked dick, you ask questions but as long as the dick is good, the answers don't matter but get filed away...