Eating Disorder

With all due respect lynsey, you might work in the psychiatric community, but I HIGHLY doubt you've worked with women with eating disorders...and I'm not sure anyone in this thread glamorized it...

No one is proud to have had an eating disorder...I wish I didn't have one...and maybe I wouldn't be as fucked up as I am...

Please don't assume that we like what we've done...because I don't think any of us do.

 

Annie with all do respect you know nothing about me to make those sorts of judgements. My arguments were for a general population-not towards a specific person.

 

I'm just saying, I don't remember reading anywhere that you've worked with women and eating disorders. YOu can't generalize about diseases or illness because they afffect everyone differently. Even the common cold...

 

you're right I did not post when I worked at the group home but those who know me well on here do know my experiences there. I'm just saying that there is a cause, it's not toally a food or control thing, it's an addiction. Which I don't see how that is not true because if it was not an addiction would everyone have a short and easy recovery the second their health took a turn for the worse?

 

Why does everything just HAVE to be a big debate here?

Seriously.

Who the fuck cares, just drop it and let people carry on.

 

looovee is comminggg

 

alright- DEBATE DROPPED. i made this forum to make people feel comfertable and to discuss annonomously, and for 'normal' people to maybe drop in and learn atleased something about eatings disorders.

for what its worth, any attention i get having to do with food makes me nervous and break into a cold sweat. the room starts spinning and its like im DYING. and it doesnt take much either, all someone has to say is "arent you going to eat that?", and then im a mess. so for me, definitly not for attention. i do know people who 'glamorize' starving- but they DONT have an eating disorder. they are just asking for attention. its just the same as someone saying "oh my god my arm hurts so bad from those heroin needles ive been thrusting into my arm!!" it just DOESNT happen.

anyways, today i had an interesting day. my family had a get together and of course it all centered around this 'dinner' thing. and then they wanted to drink that sparkling cider stuff. it makes me sad that my whole night wasnt about my family all getting together for once, or about catching up with people i havnt seen in a while. instead, i spent the whole night plotting on how i could stay as far away from the food while mentally DEVOURING it. i sit here, still, (as they are all still at the table) thinking just how many calories were really in that bell pepper i ate, and multiplying it by two just incase.

IM SO SICK of this.

 

Wow this turned into a huge thread. Obviously eating disorders are a huge problem in our society but I have no idea what could actually solve the epidemic. I started going to a therapist who specialized in eating disorders a few years ago but seeing all the girls in the waiting room who were thinner than me (never mind that they were dying, I was pretty fucked up) made me try to lose even more weight. I was 5'6" 90 pounds and the nutritionist was telling me "you don't have to starve yourself, I can show you how to lose those extra pounds the healthy way." the fucking healthy way?!?!
i think what i'm getting at is that all anti-eating disorder stuff makes people with eating disorders just want to keep up their behavior. anything people told me about how bad i looked at the time just reinforced the fact that i was skinny. nothing else mattered.

 

u know. ppl tell me alot when i say im fat and i need to lose weight and that i want to be skinny, that i need to shut up and stop cursing myself, and accept myself the way i am. and they start preaching, its the same with my depression issue. i cant say nething about either one, otherwise ppl freak out and throw God in my face, and it just makes it worse. i just dont see why ppl feel the need to try and tell you that u have a problem when its obvious u already are aware. kinda pisses me offa lil bit

 

I agree 100% and know how you feel.

I'd rather run and hide than deal with people asking me if I ate or trying to pity me or something. I don't like attention drawn towards me, especially for negative reasons. If someone's going to tell me I'm a good artist or something, that's attention I'm happy to accept--- but if it's something like that, I try to avoid it as much as possible.

I hated it when I was in school and everyone would ask me questions... I never knew what to do. A lot of times I acted like I didn't hear them, and I would walk by...or I would just say that I didn't know, and change the subject. It was more humiliating than anything.

I developed agoraphobia because of my disorder; I guess I was afraid to be around ANYONE really, because of the attention that I got, I hated it... So, while I was dealing with that I missed almost 2 full months of school, and spent it literally locked inside my room, and emerging only to use the computer and talk to my parents sometimes. Well, clearly my parents took me to therapy for it, and when I started coming out again, and went back to school there were rumours ALL over school that I had been in the hospital dying from my eating disorder. It made me want to just go back to never coming out of my room again.

Then, I pretty much just stopped going to school and changed schools.... and by that time I was so far behind I would have had to stay at LEAST an extra year to graduate... So I got an HSED [kind of like a GED] instead.

I still regret it a lot, even though it wasn't really my fault.

And I still get upset and queazy when people ask me about when I graduated and all that---

Yeah.

It was always quite the polar opposite of craving attention for me. I always got enough attention, anyway...my parents were always there for me, and I had no reason to want extra attention.

 

I wish you well and congrats on your recovery

 

wow- yea i can totally relate. ive missed so much school last year and this year (im a junior) just to stay home because either i was to weak to get up, didnt want to deal with anyone, or wanted to stay home to excersize or just be in the kitchen. i hate saying that- because it just shows how messed up my priorities are. id love to sit here and say, "yea family and friends and all that come first." but they dont. in reality, they really dont. all my mind cares about is all this eating crap. but i guess thats obvious.

id love to know- how did you people start recovery? did your family hold an intervention or did you put yourself there? was it by choice or by force?

 

Well it was both.

I was seeing the counselor at that point and time, that I'm seeing now. I was seeing her for depression. She's just a general psychologist. Well, my mom knew I wouldn't talk to her about what was going on--- and not because I didn't want help, but because it was just too hard for me to talk about. I was embarassed and I never really liked talking about myself in the first place. I wanted to tell my psych though, so I had my mom come in with me one session and explain that aspect of my life to her, for me... and well, I continued to see that lady for probably only one or two more sessions before she said that she didn't feel she was educated enough to help me with an eating disorder and recommended me to this other lady in the city, Judith.

So I started to see her, and at first my mom did most of the talking, but I really grew to like Judith, and she made sense, and she made me want recovery more than I ever had. So things went fairly well from there on out.

We did a lot of art therapy which always seemed to help me the most.

But, unfortunately, Judith retired before my treatment was up. I met with a few other therapists specializing in EDs and I loathed them all. They were your stereotypical phony-ish psychs who talked all quiet and were all "everyones beautiful".... It annoyed me to all hell, especially when one of them accused me of trying to kill myself because I got drunk one night. I was 17... of course I was being stupid, I wasn't suicidal.

So I just flat out stopped my treatment, and tried to pull myself up by my own boot straps.

It couldnt have been a better time, too, because I recently started dating the most supportive guy on earth.

However, I relapsed...A LOT. And I still have to watch myself. I still don't feel comfortable saying I'm fully recovered...I'd rather say I'm in the process of recovery.

I think it's going to take years before I'm "fully" recovered; it's something that has been a big part of my life and is almost like, etched into my brain.

My body is still adjusting too. I still get tummy aches after I eat and the whole bit, and my bowels are all over the place too. I imagine it's going to be a long time before my body is healed, and before my mind is strong.

I'm actually thinking of sucking it up and looking for another eating disorder therapist and nutritionist so that I can do it right, because lately I feel I've been a bit weak with my recovery... and I don't think I know enough about it yet to fully recover on my own.

I just have to build up the strength to admit I need help---something I'm not good at. I'm very very stubborn.

 

well good for you for atleased thinking about seeking helpful recovery methods.

 

Eating disorders are horrible, My mum had them when she was young, and I am afraid that I could be on the way to getting one. But mostly I am just obssessed with getting enough exersize in to burn calories.
I think it is socitey and the media that just sets up this totally unrealistic vision of woman, that we think we have to live up too.... Its fucked up..
This is why woman like Margaret Cho are my heroes..

 

does your mom still display the effects of the 'former' disorder? (like making weird food for dinner or maybe deciding there wont be dinner?) my friends mom has an ED and will make everyone dinner but then just sit at the table and watch them eat it, and she picks at raisens.

 

Random:

So, today is my day of reconciliation.

I relapsed a few weeks ago, about 3 or 4...and, I finally mustered up the guts to tell my family, and get help to recover [again] and...

I already FEEL a lot better, because everyone was much more understanding thaN i thought they would be.

I was so worried about hurting/upsetting my loved ones, and that they wouldn't get it, but they all seemed to understand that this sort of thing might happen from time to time in my recovery process, and I feel much much better. And I think they do too, knowing that I can come out and admit when I'm having a problem, and that I'll get help for it, rather than let it go to shit like I used to.

So, now I have to find a good nutritionist, and I'm still contemplating whether to tell my current counselor for different reasons....

But, yeah.

So that's my input for the day.

 

that's brave of you to admitt... I was thinking about getting a nutritionist too.. does that help?
Is there a reason you can't tell your couselor? if you feel uncomfortable telling them stuff like this you might want to consider finding someone you CAN tell...

 

I actually don't know if it helps because I never utilized a nutritionist before, even though, in the past my therapist HIGHLY urged me to see one....
At that point and time I think I was far too sick/distorted, and I felt like it would just make me fat. I grew up since then though, and I realize that's not true, and I really just want to get better...so we'll see. I can let you know what I think of it when I start it up.

The only reason I don't want to tell my counselor is because I saw this same counselor when I was 15-ish for depression, and when my mom had come out and told her about my eating disorder, she recommended I go see someone else, who specialized in eating disorders.

Right now I don't want to start all over with someone new, so I'm worried that if I do tell her, she's going to want to recommend me to someone else instead.

The thing is, the things that we are working on in counseling together right now, I feel are a major aspect of *why* I struggle with this disorder so much, and I think that if I can continue to work on those things with her it will ultimately help the psychological part of my E.D. as well.

So, I don't know...maybe if I just tell her that's what I want to try, maybe that could work, but on the other hand, I don't want her to feel like she can't handle me anymore, because she's doing a wonderful job....much better than most therapists I've met with in the past who actually DID specialize in eating disorders.

EDIT TO ADD:

• it wasn't easy telling my parents and fiancee, but I knew that it was necessary if I wanted help, and to recover.
• the reason that I WANT to try a nutritionist is because I feel that I never learned how to eat like a normal person. Even since I was young I don't feel I ever ate in a healthy manner... I either don't eat anywhere near enough, or I get so hungry that I gorge myself to the point where I'm "overfull". So I'm hoping that with the help of a nutritionist he or she can teach me how to balance that, and do it the right way. Aside from my psychological aspect of the disorder, I honestly just don't know HOW to eat right... my parents don't even know, so I was never educated on it.

 

first, congradulations on coming clean to everyone. im sure its much to presumptuous for anyone to say "yea that must be hard" because no one can know the intensity of telling the people you care about the one thing they really dont want to hear.

i tihnk a nutritionist is a great start, but as you said before, you really have to let them have all control, which was the WHOLE problem in the first place! i genuinly wish you the best of luck with all of that. now that youve said it, its hit me that ive never eaten normally either. my mom has distorted eating so the whole family has been raised on these variable ways of eating. (eating to much, to little, only eating certain foods). anyways im very happy for you. your moving forward and thats GREAT!!