Eating Disorder

aloneinabigbadworld,

Your boss might be your best and closest ally.

Ask yourself this one question - do you want to be a man, or a mouse?


Hotwater

 

hotwater, thats an awful thing to say.
i mean,
if it is meant generally, there can be truth to it,
but if it is the same stereotypical "man" thing..
i just cant agree.

 

Well I guess there's hope for him yet


Hotwater

 

I have three kids and a doctorate to pay for (two of whom are about to start college). If my boss wants to push me about till I graduate, let him.

 

i have to vent here because no one else wants to hear it.

i am eating too much.
i feel like a cow.
id rather die, than be this fat.

i want to just take a scissors and cut off my stomach. and scream. and cry.

 

Apples, i've looked at your pic of 9th Oct, & even though it only shows your face you dont look fat. Certainly on your pics of 12th & 5th Sept you look thin. Can you post another very recent pic & I'll give you my opinion.

Remind yourself that some fat is necessary for health.

How are you sleeping?

 

seems to me that your situation is better than you think it is.

I mean, its better to have 3 guys interested in you, than to have no one interested in you.

you dont have to chose. You can wait. you can decline being a girlfriend, but say you still want to be friends.

If the guy cant accept that, then he was probably only interested in sex anyway.

& how do you know that they're all about to ask you to be girlfriend?

Its also worth bearing in mind that if you have a boyfriend, that he'll find out about your eating disorder, so if you chose one of the 3 guys, my advice would be to chose the one who would be most understanding of your eating disorder.

But in my view, its more important to enable yourself to get more sleep.
You said you dont need your job

 

Im afraid of opinions right now...even though I know other people dont think I look fat, all I think when they say so is that ...I dont know. I just feel weird about it. I have many more pictures from my trip and only posted that particular one, because I'm too ashamed of how I look in every other one...and it sounds incredibly vain but I cant help it. It makes me sick.

And thats the problem... I have a PHOBIA of fat... no matter how much I know that some is important, Im too afraid of it to care.

Im sleeping well, by the way. At least 8 hours a night, in a bed, good room temparature, etc.

Im eating fine now, but its making me fucking anxious. I dont feel good about myself when I eat like a normal person.

 

i know what you mean about not feeling good about yourself when you eat like a normal person. it freaks the shit outta me too, excuse my language :/ . im starting a fast today again, second one in two weeks. im so excited for it in a strange way, ill feel so good in a day, then two, then three. on the other hand, i get so emotional and want to cry

 

I was thinking about it yesterday, and there is a verrrrrrrry fine line between being fat and thin to me, and I have trouble separating the two more accurately. I mean, if I gain so much as two pounds, that puts me in the "fat zone"

I know it doesn't really work that way, and that it's ridiculous, but its the whole distortion thing in my mind.

I have no real sense of what I should be eating or look like in terms of my body.

 

Apples+Oranjes,

I think your allowing the opinion of others to influence you way to much.

Self-image should be something naturally intuitive and instinctive.

While I'm 6' 2" 165 I'd know in an instance if I put on so much as a single pound.


Hotwater

 

Hotwater, I wish I could reply but I can't.

It's not something I can break down.

I retyped a reply out several times, and I just can't explain it to someone who doesn't really *know* what its like.

I'm sorry

 

^^^about that,

I meant, it's not just as easy as a natural instinct, and as much as others seem to think its about influence of media or other people, it's really not. I only WISH it were that easy.

If it were, I wouldn't be in this struggle....not for 9 years like this.

I wish it were as logical as you explained.
It's not.

Not when you have a mental disorder that distorts things.
Mental disorders can really ruin any natural instinct you have/had....
Especially something like this.

 

Apples+Oranjes,

If you're really having difficulty understanding you own body, - just remember these numbers 36 24 36



Hotwater

 

Hotwater.......
*laughs*

Not EVERY woman is built like that, whether or not that is the *ideal*---I couldn't get my bust to be 36 if I fucking TRIED. I've always been built small around my chest.

No offense, but I'm sort of done talking to you.

 

I was just curious if any of you had to go into treatment and whether you found it helpful or not.
I've been in a hospital setting (not helpful), an IOP (also not helpful), and residential (surprisingly helpful). I found that the community setting of residential was an effective form of treatment compared to the other two. It focused more on helping one another out instead of having the doctors "fix you." In fact, I think residential treatment is one of the reasons why I love the idea of communes so much.

 

I found IOP and the hospital setting unhelpful was never resdidential but i dont think it would have helped eiter because I got wrapped up in the competion of being around other ED's I gained the weight there and did all the work in therapy.

 

i feel like a sack of shit. i feel ugly and gross and honestly not worthy of anything around me. today i was driving and considered just not coming home because my family would be better off. i know that logic is twisted but lately i have felt so worthless that im having a hard time knowing and thinking about what is really important to me. anyone feelings simular?

 

Well alot of people say they worry bout me cause i usally stop eating for a couple days but not completly stop eatin just ill wake up eat like a cookie or a apple...go to school and not eat lunch, come home and usally wont eat anything and if i do its sumthin like a slimjim or sumthin small.... i wont eat dinner somtimes....but sumtimes i think i might have a chance of gettin into a disorder.....BUT I LOVE FOOD! like when i eat i eat.... and im 5'7-8" and im 150ish.... 16 so im healthy and im active and everything i just perfer not to eat....not cause i dont want to i just dont feel like it.....but the main reason i think i might have a chance of becoming a eatin disorder is because i get so upset with my wieght i cant drop it down to 125 or ever 130.... its hard for me to lose weight because it just turns to muscle which weights more than fat right? so i believe i have chances and i did talk to my friends about it and they usally try to stuff me with food when i go 4 days without eatin a actual meal....my BF gets pissed!!!! like off the wall mad if i say i dont wanna eat or sumthin....i feel like i do but dont....yea no...cause there is ppl out there right now on the scale that reads 75 lbs.... and is my age ....its scary....

 

That's the thing with eating disorders, though. It's not all about weight. Even if I weren't underweight but still had the thoughts that I do, I'd still have an eating disorder. A lot of people have the wrong idea about anorexia nervosa (and bulimia nervosa and COE etc.). At it's core, it's not about 'being thin.'