Eating Disorder

for the signs, go here:

http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/signssymptoms.php

 

Thanks for that. The website was a little scary though, because it implied I have some of the characteristics of an eating disorder (I don't).

 

I just spent a week in the south and being forceed being around southern food and I am disgusted by fat on myself and on anyone else at the moment. I know I'll get over it and I ate today just all fruits and veggies but just all these grease and the careless people concerning their bodies scared the shit outta be and made me disgusted with every ounce of fat I have on my body

 

well everyone will have just about 1 or 2 or a few of those things, I'm guessing yours were the more "minor" signs ....To be diagnosed with an eating disorder, doctors look at the ratio of symptoms you fit... which are all based on behavioral, emotional/mental, and physical symptoms. If say you still have many of the qualities of one of the eating disorders but don't fit the physical criteria, like your percentage in weight loss, or whatever, they consider it ED-NOS [eating disorder not otherwise specified] which is still considered an eating disorder; people who fit that group are usually people who recently began dealing with an eating disorder.

I was diagnosed with anorexia by the nutritionist I see because I lost my period, and am underweight for my height and body structure, and have troubles maintaining a healthy weight too... because I have been dealing with it for a while, it's actually difficult for me to gain back. It's also based on the mental attitude, but my mentality is actually doing a lot better. Which I will talk about in my next post

 

Ok, I have good news.

Yesterday was a huge step for me. I ate some cereal, which clearly isn't enough for a days worth of food... and I started to feel weak, and short of breath, so I ate a banana. I knew that wasn't enough, and I just got so angry with my eating disorder that I literally told it to "fuck off" and went and got a pb&J sandwich and onion rings and ate it all without caring how many "calories" were in it, or anything. No remorse afterwards either, I just felt good, and had energy, and was happy.

That doesn't sound like much to a normal person I suppose, but it was a HUGE step for me, and it gives me tons of hope for what's to come

 

Congratulations on the eating thing (I think). Incidentally, how do you know when you've lost enough weight?

 

I got my period today. I thought I developed amornoheria (sp?) again. I lose my period if I get the slightest bit underweight (I'm meant to be a bigger girl) but I am glad I got it...well not glad but you know glad that I'm not letting old patterns/habits consume me

 

Great Job!!!!!!!!!! I bet the onion rings were your AAHAA moment. I know when I was recovering in high school eating fries was my step over to the side of normality again.

I think you are just amazing and even though we rarely agree I have tons of admiration and respect for you *hugs*

 

Heh... I didn't know, my nutritionist just diagnosed me as underweight.

It's hard for me to decipher because of the whole distortion thing... Though I suppose I realize it because I'm a bit embarassed of how thin I got, and how quickly.

I'm not emaciated or anything, but I don't look healthy and I hate that.

 

I'm still waiting to see if I get mine... It's a week overdue so...

 

Yeah they definitely were, lol. I wouldn't come within 10 feet of something like onion rings just the day before that. It was a good feeling. I felt like part of the crowd again... in a good way. Usually eating around others makes me nervous, uncomfortable, and paranoid, but with my plate of onion rings I felt just as stable as the rest of my friends lol

Honestly.

And thanks a lot, that means tons. I respect you as well, I think we both may have just let our opinionated attitudes get in the way at first But being opionated is a good thing. You have a strong personality, and that's so admirable, especially in today's world.

 

I'm sorry to keep asking these retarded questions. I feel like I'm putting you on the spot over them and I don't mean to. I'm genuinely interest in it because of my history. With the distortion thing, do people see themselves as bigger than they are or do they see the skin and bones and simply misfile it as meaning something that it doesn't?

Or is that as retarded when you read it as I think it might sound when I read it? Feel free to tell me to take a long walk off a short pier if you don't want to answer.

 

i love the recent posts. lots of topics. i lost my period for about a year but it has since returned... but its been so messed up. ive had it three times in teh past two months.

its hard to admit this but im sad that its back. it means that im getting bigger. i know logically that just means healthier, but it really doesnt seem that way to me.

i was looking at my sister today and she is gaining weight. it rememinded me of a while ago when i used to tell her that if she just stopped eating she wouldnt look like such a cow. that was such a bad time in my life and i hurt her so much. im starting to be like that again. i was watching my family eat dinner and calculating how many calories each person is eating. i was thinking of how fat they are going to be when they get up from the table. i wish i could tell them that they are disgusting, but i dont.

i know its so wrong to think that way, and thats what is worse. im being so hurtful and judgemental. i HATE people like me. i HATE THEM.

 

do you guys ever feel fat just by watching others eat? do you guys ever feel FULL after watching others eat?

it hit me that i actually dont feel hungry after watching other people eat. its almost as if someone can eat food "for me" and then i dont want it anymore. like if im craving cake, ill offer my brother some, and tehn i dont want it anymore. maybe i get grossed out watching him eat it or maybe just the desire for food to be eaten is filled. ugh i dont know that makes no sence..

 

today i was watching my cousin, sorta half cousin eat like 4 hot dogs and it was fucking gross, hes already fat and hes only in 7th grade! i couldnt believe what i was thinking but i couldnt get it out of my head, then he had 2 krispy kremes, and i was thinking 'i hate you' about him, it ws crazy, but i cant believe people eat like that

 

I see myself bigger than I am... like today I weighed myself and I was 115 [I'm 5 foot 7 inches tall, if that matters any], which is what I have been for a week, but I felt, and thought I looked bigger... I am eating a little better so I think my mind is just playing tricks on me that if I'm eating more it must mean I'm getting bigger, even though I'm not. Does that make sense kinda?

It's just weird, sometimes I won't eat a thing, and feel bigger than 3 hours ago... I don't know really where it comes from or why. And when I "feel" bigger, I look bigger when I see myself, but I'm not any bigger in reality because my pants will fit the same and I'll weigh the same [if not, drop weight]

It's tormenting to me because it just makes me feel crazy and confused. And other times I think I see myself for what I look like, on a rare occassion, that is. And then I get scared and worried about myself. It's just confusing for me, and yeah. It's hard thing to describe.

And it's not just looking in the mirror, I see it in pictures of me, and just looking at my body.. It's all distorted. Like, a couple years ago when I was down to 100 pounds at 5'6", and my mom was at like 160 at 5'4" I remember standing next to her at the pool and looking at our stomachs, comparing them, and thinking I looked just as heavy as she did. And I was convinced and sure that I did... even though I knew it didn't calculate... it's weird.

 

oh my gosh its like you took the thoughts out of my mind. i will do the whole thing where i feel a lot fatter (literally like 20 pounds heavier) even if i havnt eaten anything. sometimes i dont let myself drink water because i feel like i might gain water weight (which to me, is just as bad as actual fat. if i have to carry it around in my stomach, it mght as well all be the same.) altough i contradict myself, cause i usualyl end up eating like 1000 calories shortly after, which is DEFINITLY not the same as water...

i have clothes that i think i cant fit into because ive gained so much weight since i wore them last (some i have work just last week) and i dont let myself even try them on because i dont want to prove myself right. because i REALLY and Honestly think that they wont fit. ive never tried to prove myself wrong though either. im so scared to.

and going off of what you guys said before; its not that i hate fat people but i resent them, rather, when they are eating (alot). i also occasionally will see an overweight person and imagine them eating things like fries and pizza and get sick to my stomach and then resent them.

im glad to get that out there btu i am very ashamed that i think that way.

 

i was also looking at a photoalbum of me last night (cause i couldnt sleep) and saw pictures from when i was at my lowest weight. i felt so unbeleivably fat then. but i looked so cute. now i feel like i look horrible again. i also saw pictures from when i was in junior high. i was about 5'1 and weighed 140 pounds. so you can imagine my disgust. i cried looking at those pictures. at that time in my life i felt so unbeleivably insecure and all i wanted to do was sit in front of the tv with a BOX of poptarts and fall asleep.

now i do the exact opposite, well not really, i just dont actualyl EAT the box of poptarts; i just read the label.

 

i've been jumping in and out of one all the time. It was mostly because i was just to fucked up to even eat most of the time..

I've gotten really skinny, but i stopped doing stuff, and i just forced myself to eat, and now i can eat normally

 

Thanks for that. It does make a sort of sense. The thinking involved is biggest problem for people who don't understand eating disorders. I do have one question (I'm sorry if this is bugging you, tell me to shut up if it is). Other than the whole distortion thing, is there a sort positive feedback loop set up when you start going on a diet (or keep weight off)? If there is, how does that impact the whole eating disorder thing?