Eating Disorder

Oh and, also, I know that what I'm saying might even annoy you a bit, these sorts of things annoyed me when I didn't want to recover too.

But I would feel terrible saying nothing at all, especially having exerpienced it first hand.

 

no i dont take anything you say as offensive or annoying. i look forwrad to reading what you have to say.

its stupid because i only know you from online, but knowing that someone else out there is working on recovery and realizing they dont have to live this way (you), i have stopped myself from purging/binging/not eating a couple of times. i know, 'big deal.' well it is a big deal for me.

i admire your hard work and am greatful that you are willing to be so personal on here. it helps me to read about what you, and others have to say.

thank you.

 

That honestly makes me really glad...

And no, it is a big deal. It might seem like "baby steps" and it is, but in due time those baby steps will get you somewhere far. Its like a penny jar, you start out putting a couple in everyday, and it doesnt seem like much, but one day you crack it open and count it up and you got yourself enough to buy something nice.

[My crazy analogies]

And its not stupid, sometimes online support is one of the best most effective ways, because its much easier to find people that understand what you're going through, and it is less personal... like you dont have to worry about me going and telling your parents or something about what you say haha...and vice versa.

I talk to a girl who is in recovery almost on the daily on MSN, and I find it more helpful than almost anything.

I don't know how long you have been dealing with this, but it takes a long time to start understanding it, really. I think in the earlier stages of an eating disorder its hard to comprehend exactly what's going on or why you're doing what you're doing.

It's taken me years to get to where I am now and have the grasp that I do on it. And there are still many things I don't understand, or am just not sure how to deal with.

Its a long learning process... and I think of it in a way that, it will only make me a stronger person. I hate being this way, but at the same time, I can't be angry with it, because I have learned so much about myself, and psychology and other things along with it that I think will be useful in my lifetime.

Like I said before I really want to do public speaking one day, and without dealing with it firsthand, I wouldn't be able to be as helpful to others.

 

i think so. i think we're reincarnated as whatever we feared being the most, to help us learn. if you go through life thinking "thank god i don't have a big nose" you will have a big nose in your next life, so that you can come to terms with it and accept it as part of the perfect and beautiful infinite universe . but in a less literal sense, i think if you judge someone based on some characteristic you think they have (for a stupid example, lets say you think black people talk funny) then you will have that same characteristic. i used to judge stoners. so there's your proof. haha.




and now i'm gonna read what everyone else wrote . i just had to reply to this first.

 

i love and relate to everything you say, but that part really got to me...

fun social situations where people are snacking and laughing and having a good time, are ruined for me because i'm thinking "five cheetos. one cookie. one cup of juice..." over and over, calculating calories in my head, and if i get past the number i wanted to stop at i'm just in a horrible mood for the rest of the day, unless i do some kind of exercise or make up an excuse. i'll be having fun on the outside, and nobody will know how badly i'm obsessing, but i can't fully enjoy myself.

i don't think i'm at the point where i'm not eating enough. i eat at least three times a day most days, and i usually end up at around 1300 calories. i think that's healthy enough. it's just the mental torment of listing and counting and regretting and planning and not feeling good when i look in the mirror that is driving me crazy and scaring me.

i blame my health teacher for all of this. we had to write down everything we ate and how much exercise and sleep we got, everyday in his class. and i would list everything i had eaten, and look at it, and think "jesus... that's a lot of food. that's embarassing. i'll try to make my list better tomorrow." we learned a lot about nutrition labels and all the disgusting things in food. so every time i would eat something, i would look at the nutrition label and ingredients list and think about how i had to write it down later. that started the repetative thoughts about what i had ate, how much, etc. and i kept the list going after i left the class.

yesterday i went out and walked to this hill, and climbed all the way up it (i was trying to work off a milkshake i had, which i was hoping would guilt me into not eating later, but i ate some rice and pasta too so i felt awful, even though i was in a great mood) and took pictures. i'm a horrible photographer, so i got about 4 pictures of just my stomach and legs in different places in this forest. i really couldn't believe how small my legs looked, and i thought "it's just a camera angle, or the way i was sitting, or something", but all the pictures in different poses and in different places looked the same. i didn't eat last night or today, and it's 2 pm. i'm not hungry. but i should find something to eat.

i'm sorry i'm not helping very much, but just talking about it helps me and so does reading what you guys say. whenever i'm done here i usually go eat something, when i wouldn't otherwise ... so that's good.




according to what i said a few minutes ago, i'm going to be really fat in my next life.

 

I have read many of this posts here and had one sister die of an illness related to anorexia (though she was never diagnosed as anorexic) and another who destroyed a portion of her life because of her obsession with food, so I would fully agree with many of the negative aspects of anorexia and the food aspects of people's self perception.

I would say, however, that anyone who gets so obscenely overweight that they 'pass beyond the ordinarily overweight' have issues with food too.

 

definitly, and its not much different from bulimia or anorexia. they are both a fixation on food, and all a mental game. people who dont eat are basically showing themselves that they can choose not to. and people who overeat choose to comfort void feelings with food. (generally.)

i actually switch back and forth. there will be weeks that i eat basically nothing. then, for like 3 days, ill eat anything and eveything i can. i stop caring. and then, i realize how much i ate, and starve it off for a couple weeks.

im cringing just writing this.

 

isn't anorexia a "loss of appetite" by definition?

sometimes i'll think about food all day, and sometimes i'll realize it's 6 pm and i haven't eaten.

 

Yeah that is the definition of anorexia, but what you're looking for is the definiton of Anorexia NERVOSA.... which is the disorder, not the disease, I'll explain more later, but check out the definition of Anorexia Nervosa here:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anorexia nervosa

I have to get ready for work, but I saw that you girls wrote a lot and I want to read and write back <3

 

what you said here is now days defined as a type of bulimia.

for the three days you eat everything you can, thats the binge aspect, and then when you ate basically nothing for weeks, is your purge period.

I dealt with an issue like this for a short period of time when I was 16, and thats how my eating disorder therapist described it. If I didn't starve myself after I binged, I would work off all the calories I ate, and then some.

It didn't last long because I was already in therapy when I developed that... but I am having the most difficult time battling anorexia because it's something that's almost engrained in my head now, since I've been dealing with it since I was 11.

It's going to take a lot of time, patience, and hard work.

Anyway, you're lucky in a way, because now days they know FAR more about eating disorders than even just 9 years ago when I developed mine. More knowledge on the subject = better help.

You also have to look at, are you really binging for those few days or do you just THINK you are??? Because there is a huge difference, and sometimes our minds play tricks on us to fool us into believing we are eating tons more than what we really are.

There are days where I feel like I eat a ton, but when I ask my boyfriend or dad if it seemed as if I ate a ton, they tell me I ate hardly anything and say something like "All you ate was rice and vegetables, how is that a ton?"

It's hard for me to realize that unless it's pointed out to me. I never actually binge, but sometimes I think I am.

Also, do you realize WHY you're probably binging? Your body is starving, and is becoming very malnourished... when that happens sometimes it becomes hard to control how much or what you eat because your body needs so MUCH. It's refeeding itself. It tries to compensate for all the lost calories and nutrients and grab them back.

I'm guessing you probably instantly gain weight quickly when you do, and although it's hard to remember this, it's not permanent. Your body is just grabbing the food and keeping it there in preparation for another period of starvation.... if you would say, eat normally instead of starve though, your metabolic rate and everything would soon go back to it's normal state and you would lose the excess weight again. [and I'm just giving you facts, I'm not saying in any way that I always remember this and follow this... I still have a really difficult time remembering this, and it scares me out of eating healthy a lot of times]

I won't lie, when you refeed yourself more fat comes back in comparison to lean fat and muscle tissue, INITIALLY... but after getting in the habit of eating right, proper exercise, and keeping it that way, your body goes back to what it SHOULD be.

It's scary for people who have eating disorders to recover because of that, because that initial "fat" becomes our worst enemy...that's a big part of why relapses happen often before fully recovering.

My nutritionist also brought up a good point; she said she has seen in her patients the one last thing your body needs to go back to normal, and start acting and processing healthily again, is for your mind and heart to believe you won't starve again. Your mind is even more powerful than you probably already know, it controls everything that happens in your body, so if you are still in doubt inside your head that you might relapse or starve again, the body will have its defenses up just in case. And this might just be a theory, I'm not really sure, but I completely agree with it.

That's the struggle with eating disorders, we often feel mentally unstable if we eat because of the disorder, but if we don't eat, we physically feel ill... the project is getting both the mind and body working together, and back to normal.

 

That's what I don't understand about people with eating difficulties. You're obviously a bright, sparky kid. I can't understand how someone as obviously smart as you can develop that sort of thinking. (That isn't meant as an insulting by the way)

 

I have a problem explaining this to my fiancee. Somedays I just want to stay home and do nothing because I know that I will just feel awkward in situations where there will be people and food, and that I won't have any fun... and he will usually say "But you always have fun once you get out, I can tell" I must be really good at not showing the inner conflicts and turmoil I'm going through on my outside. Even in situations without food, I'm thinking and wondering IF I'm going to encounter it, and how I'm going to excuse myself out of eating it.

A lot of times I simply can't stop thinking about how terrible I feel, and my thoughts go back and forth with each other... I'll think "I am not going to eat, I am too frustrated" and then my rational thoughts will argue with it, and I'll think "But I want to get better and not eating isn't going to get me anywhere" and this will play out in my thoughts for hours on end, and I don't feel like I can function when the inner me is consumed by this battle. It's stressful to be around people right now, especially people who don't understand what I'm going through, and it sucks because I love being around people, I'm very social.

Hun, that isn't enough even though it seems like it. Not for a female of your age, your reproductive organs require about 500 calories to function and even though 1300 is more than you may have eaten in the past, or because it's "close to" 2,000 calories, over prolonged periods of time this equates to semi-starvation. Especially if you're active, which it sounds as if you are. Three times a day is good, but if you're eating barely anything those three times a day, that doesn't matter to your body. It NEEDS calories and nutrients, even though our whole fucking society is scared to death of calories. I don't blame you for thinking and feeling this way, and I feel this way too most times, but I do know the facts, and what we are thinking and feeling doesn't coincide with what is actually the truth. And, even if 1300 calories was enough, that mental torment needs to be taken care of one day, or a relapse or more severe eating issue will develop. Everyone has these thoughts and feelings from time to time, but when it becomes torment is when it becomes dangerous. Any little thing could trigger you in that state of mind and that's not good. I am not trying to be a hypocrite, I just really care about the issue and people who struggle with it, and I hate to see anyone dealing with it. You're a sweet girl, you don't deserve to be putting yourself through that mental torment [and I don't mean you choose to have it, I just mean you should think about doing something about it one day, and resolving the issue]

Don't be offended by this, but you can't place the blame on your health teacher for it. I think that yes, it triggered the problem, and ignited some thoughts and feelings you may not have realized before, but something so basic and simple shouldn't have sent you into a whirlwind of eating disorders. We often look for what "causes" our eating disorder, but in reality, it's a mixture of a number of things that we experience and the way we digest it. One person could be teased for being fat, and just cope with it, and another person, like you or me, could be teased for being fat and it would sit in the back of our heads and nag us. Sensitive people are more prone to things like this, because it's difficult for us to let things like that go, it hurts us or at least, more so than it does others.

I think there is definitely a biological explanation for eating disorders, because of that. Some people can be thrown into so many situations that would be triggering for people like us, but never have an issue with it. I really believe that some people are just more prone to developing an eating disorder. I do think with proper research and knowledge, even those people can be prevented into developing an eating disorder, but unfortunately we still dont' have all the missing pieces of the puzzle. Eating disorders are one of the most complex mental issues in my opinion. A series of other mental issues tag along with eating disorders, and there are so many different causes, factors, and aspects to it. Eating disorders also tend to differ with age groups. A 13 year old with an E.D. will treat it tons differently than a 40 year old would.

Anyway, my point is, I don't doubt that your health project was a very specific and profound trigger for you, but you can't place all the blame on that. Triggers, and actual causes are two very different things. A cause would be say, you carry a specific gene that is more proned to an eating disorder [they are actually doing research on this now, and finding that there might be a very genetic and biological explanation] or another cause could be never learning proper eating habits, or having a chemical imbalance, or struggling with mild OCD, etc. Triggers are things that would be simple to most people, but either worsen or onset an eating disorder in people that already either have one, or have the probability of developing one.

We often think of triggers in relation to the media, and models, and actresses...but triggers can be a number of things. Triggers can be a bad experience such as a death in the family, being abused or raped, or as simple as a mean comment made directed towards you. It's important to recognize what triggers are, which things trigger you, and how to deal with them.

I think I stated before that some things that trigger me are smells, places, and things that I liked or dealt with when I first developed my E.D....it triggers relapses for me. Much more than any model or actress has.

Sometimes I find myself dealing with triggers, but only being able to accumulate them until a certain point. Such as I can handle having a dream about an ex who triggered me [I do have an ex who seems to trigger my disorder for whatever reason], and I can even handle having to wear a bigger size of pants, on top of using a scent I used when I developed my eating disorder...but then there comes a point when just the smallest thing will set me off because I've already taken in too many. Does that make sense?

And often times, I don't realize how many triggers I have "brushed off" before that one small thing, until it sends me into a relapse. Then it makes sense to me, that I just took in more than I could withstand without properly dealing with them. I never properly deal with them, because I never learned how to... they just sit in my subconcious.

I don't want to offend you by saying that you cant blame your health teacher, but there is so much more to it.

We find comfort in finding answers to things, but in reality, there are many things we will never have the answers to, so instead, we must learn how to cope and deal with things regardless. It's difficult, but it is possible.

There are many good things about what you said here, and I give you props. First of all, despite the bad feelings, you listened to your body, and that's GOOD... You should feel proud...even though I know it's really hard to do because of the way your disorder might make you feel. You ate rice and pasta probably because your body needed it, and that's much more important than what that little demon inside you tells you to do or not do. I know, because I deal with that little demon.

Also, the fact that you did realize that you looked small is a good thing as well. Your self body image is one of the most important steps to recovery. Once you can see you for your true being, it's much easier to get past the terrible thoughts and feelings you have.

It's quite a coincidence, because I had a similar experience just the other day. I was walking through the grocery store looking for cinnamon sticks [so I can quit smoking again] and I walked past one of the mirrors they have behind the produce, and realized I looked smaller than what I always thought I did. It was awkward for me, because it was probably one of the first times, if not the first time I had ever experienced seeing and thinking I looked thin.

And, even more of a coincidence, later, my disorder battled with my step forward and tried to convince me that "It was probably just the kind of mirror, it probably just seemed like I looked smaller" It sounds so absurd when I write it out now, but I really thought that to myself.

One important thing as well, is recognizing the type of body you have and accepting it. And accepting it is the most difficult part. I realize that I'm not built to be as thin as I am right now... I have a fairly large bone structure, I'm a little above average on my height for females, and even when I'm eating healthy I have to make sure to exercise properly and eat healthy things rather than junk or I gain weight almost instantly. But I'm having a problem accepting it because I don't want to be bigger than I am right now. I'm not saying I'm meant to be fat, but I am certainly not meant to be where I'm at right now... If I was, my collar bone and ribs wouldn't be jutting out the way they are.

Insecurity and unacceptance of the self is so prevalent in today's world, but I want to do the challenging thing, and overcome that unacceptance, and love myself completely no matter what.

I totally admire bigger people who don't let it bother them and reek of confidence. [And I don't mean obese, because like it was said before, that is usually a problem as well] And I also admire those who are thin and physically attractive but display compassion, humbleness, and shame. To me, that is truly beautiful and it's something I want to achieve more than anything.

 

Unfortunately it's not about smarts.

Just because someone has avoided cigarettes all their life, doesn't mean they won't end up with lung cancer, it's kind of the same thing.

It's really hard for people to understand because eating disorders may seem like a choice, or as if it is caused by irrational thinking, but it's just as much a disease as like, schizophrenia is.

It is believed that chemical imbalances in your brain is the main cause of eating disorders. And unfortunately, a chemical imbalance isn't something you can "smart" your way out of, lol.

Also, it's not a way of thinking that we develop, it's not even actually how we ourselves think, it's what the disorder leads us to believe... it's called a disorder for a reason. The reason that many of us on here talk about our actual thoughts vs. the thoughts created by our disorder, is because we realize that it is irrational and dangerous, but we simply don't know how to extinguish those disordered thoughts. And by the time we attempt to extinguish those disordered thoughts and feelings, it's difficult, and scary to do because it is something that not only we have learned to live with day in and day out, but because its a process to get rid of those feelings, it's not something you can just take a pill and be all better for...so while recovering, those thoughts and feelings are STILL there and only gradually disappear over time, and it's difficult to fight with those disordered thoughts, because of the mental and emotional anguish the thoughts put us through. It is a great deal of emotional pain to fight against those feelings, because they are persistent. And, no one wants to deal with that sort of mental anguish, so the easiest thing to do is give in, to stop the pain. It's incredibly weak in a way, giving in like that, but everyone just wants to feel good, or somewhat happy.

Does that make some sense? This is by far the most difficult thing to explain, really...

 

All of that makes sense. But what really confuses me about those with anorexia and bulemia is the fact that I always assumed that people with those conditions started with an element of support for their point of view.

Don't get me wrong I'm NOT saying that teenagers that get anorexia are necessarily huge, but when people go through puberty their body changes and sometimes during that change they gain a little weight (either that or they have siblings who would tell them they had). I've always thought that it was that weight gain or name calling that acted as the trigger.

There's a difference between attempting to lose weight and anorexia, so when does a conscious decision become a chemical imbalance? Or is my assumption about the consciousness of the original decision completely up the wazoo?

I'm not sure you can answer that but any rresponse would be interesting.

 

Alright, I'm going to do my best here, it's a hard topic to explain to someone who either hasn't experienced it firsthand, or known someone who has.

First of all, these questions are difficult to answer, because it really is different for everyone. Some are triggered into disorders by things like prismatism said, some by being teased, some don't even know what happened [I'm not sure how or when the actual onset of my issue was, I know how old I was generally, but it's a blur] and others deal with it because of some sort of unacceptance either in themselves, or a way to outlet things that traumatized them.

For example, Fiona Apple developed an E.D. after being raped... had she not been raped, I really couldn't tell you whether or not she would have dealt with it.

But the underlying point in what I'm saying is, it normally has very little to do with weight or food, and in actuality really BECOMES about weight and food.

Sometimes, I think it's possible, that a person might start out just trying to diet, but if they already have that "perfectionist" type of personality, or any type of OCD, it could just dwindle out of control... that makes sense to me a lot.

I am not sure how to explain, but it's not really about food and weight, rather what the subject "symbolizes" to people. Some people tangle up food and weight and associate it with emotions, qualities, and coping mechanisms.

For me, my weight isn't really about how I look, the numbers symbolize control to me. If I get beyond a certain weight I feel "out of control" ...I am not sure how or when I associated those two very different things together, but I know that I do, and it's something I'm trying to break away from.

Food for some, can represent comfort in stressful situations...and others feel as if they cannot eat when they are stressed.

I can't explain where the thoughts and feelings come from, because I really don't know. This is WHY I believe it is some sort of chemical imbalance.

Like, this relapse for me, was sudden, unexpected, and overwhelming. I literally woke up one day and couldn't get myself to eat anything. I can't even figure out how it came on the way it did, or what I must have been associating eating with... I was fine, and then... I wasn't. And that's all I can honestly remember. All of a sudden I was just FRIGHTENED to eat...literally frightened. And that's what is awkward and unexplainable about it.

I am not sure if anyone else here knows how it happend, or what did it for them... but I can and will honestly say I don't know. I know many things that could have aided in it... I do remember feeling more and more bothered by the subject of food from day to day as they passed, but the whole fear of eating came virtually out of nowhere.

I am quite certain is a series of steps... but I can't tell you what they are. I know they happen, because when I look back, there were many signs before my relapse, but I didn't see it coming, and then it happened.

So, really, it is not a concious descision, it never was for me. I can't speak for everyone else, really.

I want to specify, too, that teenagers aren't the only victims of eating disorders. Now days they are becoming more prevalent in younger children, and middle agers.

And let me tell you, when you have an irrational, unspecified fear of food, it makes it very easy to resist it...and once you resist it, it becomes not only habit, but slavery.

I really... can't go on about it. It's something that is quite UNexplainable, and I can't seem to express what I do know.

And I'm quite burnt out on the whole subject today... Just had a family gathering with my fiancee, and his anorexic cousin was there today, and it was intense for me. Too many emotions in too short of a time.

 

Thanks for the reply.

Incidentally (and this is going back to 1988 when I was 18), one of my sister died of heart failure at 17 (having battled anorexia for 3 years, she had a week heart alreasy) and another battled it (and if I'm honest I think still battles it but has generally mastered it) for 12 years, so I have seen it from the outside a little but don't understand the psychology of it.

In the period that started about 6 months before my sister died, I was the most vocal in my family about doing something. I was saying we should do all the wrong things I guess, but to this day I can remember my parents telling me that it was a phase and it would pass (they're doctors, I was 18). It wasn't until my other sister developed all sorts of other problems that grew out of her bulemia that they eventually decided to act.

The day after my sister died (only 1 other person knows about this, so you all should feel honoured), I looked in her room for some evidence that I was right. For some really dumb reason, I knew it was there. Don't ask me why, I just did. Eventually I found a diary she kept. It was in the lining of the tuba case that she played. It was page after page of what she ate, the callories, the exercises she did and three weights that she took of herself. One in the morning, one at lunch and one at the end of a day to see if she put any weight on (she'd count the sit ups if she had 'gained weight').

What got to me was a comment that she'd repeat time and again. She'd want to weigh herself because she'd want know if 'the balance of her life was found wanting' (i.e. she'd gained weight).

I wanted to yell at my parents that I was right. That they should have done something. Don't worry. I didn't. I'm the only one who has seen it. It has, however, ensured a certain distance between me and the rest of the family.

A few years later when they eventually stepped up over my other sister, my Dad called me out of the blue to tell me what was happening. It is the only time we have had any form of discussion about it. The conversation ended with him saying 'I bet you're feeling smug now, knowing you were right all along.'

So as you can tell, we're a close family.

 

ok oh my god i have been feeling like such a fuckin FAT COW these past two daysand i got chicken strips (so fattening with the breaded crust omg i cant bear to think about it dear god) at a resturatnt (this is the first time ive gotton something other than a vege burger for 5 YEARS, no kidding). its been in the 90 degrees but ive been wearing pants and sweatshirts but because i feel so fuckin huge. well i come home tonight and put on my usual pjs (boxers and wife beater) and i feel so fat but i look in the mirror and i think i look alright. i mean, i dont look skinny but i look like i have all teh curves in the right places. but as soon as i walk away from my mirror, im crossing my arms because i feel huge again. and then i look in the mirror and i look fat.

GOD I HATE THIS.

 

who gives a fuck

im sorry

but 1/3 of your population (perhaps more), is overweight or obese

if you have a few curves who cares......you will still be skinnier than most of the population

im sorry i just cant understand an eating disorder

i guess its kind of like OCD and low self esteem put together

how much do you weigh by the way?

(or is that a bad question to ask)

 

I'm really sorry about your experience... that must have been really difficult.

I completely understand why you said you don't get the psychology of it, because I think it's very hard for anyone to understand, even people who deal with it. It's confusing even for me.

The best way I can describe what it's like, dealing with it, just came to me this morning when I woke up... it's really just as if I'm PLAGUED by the disorder. It's like a dark shadow that follows you.

It's difficult to get away from, mainly because of fear. Whether it's fear of losing control, fear of being yourself, or fear of hurting because the thoughts are punishing... I feel all of those really. I have been putting a serious effort into getting better, but everytime I eat something, I don't really obsess about the weight as much as I just feel like a failure from inside out... which is why I know I am associating food with things that are very very different. Did that make sense?

I always describe it as the little demon in me. And that's what it feels like.

There's a part of me there now, but it's tied in along with this other part inside me, that doesn't feel like me at all... I know it has to be, but it must be just this creation of the bad things I've ever felt.

I like myself a lot for the most part, but I do feel unhappy with myself somehow and I can't figure out what it is, and that's where I think part of it stems from. This part of me, that doesn't like me, sees how much it can bring me down and persists??? I don't know, really I'm just writing my ideas out, I'm not even sure.

But I do think for a younger kid, an eating disorder is even harder for people to understand, because they don't understand it themselves. I have dealt with it for years, and been in recovery, and went through and am going through relapses, and I have to and always do explore what's going on inside me. My point is, your sister was still quite young, where I think, it was easier for her to make it all about weight and food, because she didn't get to go through therapy and learn about herself, and because her brain probably still wasn't mature enough to grasp what was going on with her. It comes with time. I'm sure that even 3 years from now, I'll understand it better than I do now. You gradually pick up the pieces and find answers... but if you don't have the time or chance to do that, then it appears to solely be about losing weight.

What I am having troubles understanding about MYSELF is the fact that I am so shit scared of what's going on, but yet I can't seem to stop it. It made more sense when I was an angsty teenager who was suicidal because I was just too dumb and emo to realize how good my life was... But it's not like that anymore, so I can't understand why I can't stop something that is killing me.

And I know the weight symbolizes a lot to me, because I don't like how I look right now... but yet, I still wish the scale would go down. I don't like feeling bony like I do, it's scary... it makes me cringe. But I'm equally afraid of seeing those pounds go up... and I can't figure out why I must control my weight, and not something else if I'm feeling out of control.

I hope that with time and learning I can answer more of your questions, and my OWN questions more coherently and precisely. I think the kind of questions you asked are important to finding answers to, so that more people from the outside can understand. It's important that they do, because of situations like yours with your sister.

And there are ways family can help out, but I think they have to understand it more to do so. Because some days, Ijust need to be left alone about food and do it on my own, otherwise it's too emotionally overwhelming...but other days, I want them to nag me to eat, because I know I should and I know that otherwise I won't. There are days when I need to talk about it, but days that Idon't even want them to MENTION my eating disorder because I'm ashamed of it.

So it's a really difficult thing for family to deal with. It is a mental health mystery in a lot of ways and it varies from person to person.

I did find a biological explanation a year or so ago, on a video I watched... and I wish I remembered the intricacies of it so I could explain but it made perfect sense.

I'll try to find it again, I think it's interesting.

 

First of all, you could probably think of a way to say what you think a little nicer. This is a fragile topic, and that's quite insensitive and an unhelpful thing to say. If you just can't understand it, and you don't even seem like you want to, then don't post here...?

She needs a place to express how she feels... she probably can't to her parents and the like from what I gather... and it's CRUCIAL AND IMPORTANT for anyone battling an eating disorder to be able to express themselves. I, too, find this place to be somewhat of a sanctuary where I can say what I want and need to, and calm down.

And just because 1/3 of the population is overweight or obese doesn't mean anything, doesn't mean that's healthy or okay either, and it certainly doesn't make things all better simply because there are people "fatter than she is"

As we said before obesity is usually a problem in itself.

If you want to talk about it, and try to understand it, then please be a bit more polite... we'll all be glad to explain things to you if you're nice about it.