Dead Man's Hand

(c) LK 2005

XIII

"'Scuse me, miss. I were wondering if I could ask you a question." It was Hornbet's voice. His nap had been cut short by all the noise that livened the little town when its newest guest had arrived in such magnificent splendour.
"What d'you want, stranger?" replied Nina, who was accompanied by the love-struck professor of ancient languages from Miskatonic University.
"I apologize for the intrusion," said Hornbet with the same leer that a fox uses when it sees a chicken, "but I couldn't help overhearing the good sheriff saying that you were from Pasadena?"
"That is true. What of it? Everyone here knows I'm Nina from Pasadena. Ain't no big secret, stranger."
"Begging your pardon, miss. My name is Lucifius Hornbet. I am a professional gambler by trade. If you can call it a trade. And this here is my pardner, Ace..."
"Be that as it may, mr. Hornbet," interrupted Nina. "I am in the process of showing the professor the historical museum of Corpus Christi."
"Ah, yes. The largest single collection of spitoons in the US," said Hornbet admiringly. "They even have Jefferson's personal phlegm bucket in there. Anyway, I don't want to hold you up, but I was wondering, since you're from Pasadena, if you knew of a man called Arkwright, who is supposed to have settled here around these parts?"
"That would be my pa," replied Nina.
"Glory be, hallelujah!" Hornbet's eyes lit up, and the only things that were missing from them were the dollar signs. "We have an acquaintance, miss Arkwright. You see, my pa knew your pa, many years ago, when they fought together. I was wondering if I could possibly meet the man. It would be a great honor to talk about the old days."
"That would be impossible," said Nina. "He passed away."
Hornbet immediately took his perforated hat off in a mock sympathetic gesture.
"I am truly sorry, miss. Please accept my condolences. I trust it wasn't painful."
"Hardly, he died in the whorehouse," stated Nina. "Now, we must bid you a good-day, mr.Hornbet. Good luck with your gambling career."
"Good day to you, too, miss," said Hornbet, replacing the hat on his head the wrong way round. His mind was already calculating as the odd couple walked away. Meanwhile, Ace didn't waste a chance. He wouldn't have been an archdemon otherwise. Whilst the gambler chatted away he had entered his mind, rammaging through all the tedious information it held until the time when Hornbet's eyes had lit up. Ace could see the object in the gambler's mind, which was covered by fog like the previous time. He brushed the fog away and grabbed the glowing item to look at it.

It's not often that someone as powerful as a leader of a hellish domain is baffled. Even the most brilliant human mind cannot match a single brain cell in an archdemon's encephalon. Ace, or Asmodeus as is his most common name, was tormented as he had never been in all his existence, right from the time his Master created him. He was overcome by a sense that he hadn't felt before. It was weakness, superimposed by humiliation that there was something in this lower plane of existence, and made by an infinitely primitive race of living beings, that HE Asmodeus, Prince of the Eighth Dimension, didn't have a dicky bird about. It was obvious that the object was made of metal. Nickel and bronze to be exact. The shape was so curious that it looked like some form of puzzle, with twists and curves and labyrinthine turns. He could see that there were some moving parts. He wanted to spend more time examining this peculiarity, but his outer self called him to tell him that the conversation between the gambler and the girl had finished. It would be unwise to remain there.

When Ace returned to his own physical body he looked at Hornbet, who was in deep thought. He hoped he managed to get out of his head in time not to be detected.
"Did you get what you want? Can I return to my home now?" asked Ace.
"No, I haven't finished yet," replied Hornbet. "She must have..."
"Have what?" asked Ace.
"Never you mind, devil. My business is mine alone. You just do my bidding, as you're contracted to do. You find a way to get her to play cards with me an' I'll take care of the rest."
"Is there anything else?"
"There is one thing that's been playing on my mind, yes."
"And what's that?"
"I order you never to enter my head again!"

(to be continued)

 

(c) LK 2005

XIV

Although he should never have been surprised, Hornbet spat a misty spray from the glass of water that he was drinking in the saloon whilst waiting for all the players to show up. What was he thinking of? He was, after all, dealing with the devil's right hand man, or as Old Nick would put it: his left hand man (Author's note:alas, a joke for demonologists!). Ace had found a way to get her there that night. He had managed what the gambler considered theoretically impossible, but she was there in flesh and spirit, looking around the sleezy saloon with curious detraction. Obviously she had never stepped a foot in the place. Hornbet recomposed himself and turned to the disguised demon next to him.
"How the hell did you manage to do it?" he asked. Inside he was burning to find the answer.
"Oldest trick in the book, you cretinous human," replied Ace.
"That's fine, but would you like to fill me in as well?"
"The only thing I'd like to fill you up with is hot lead through your veins, but if you really must know, the answer is temptation," answered Ace matter-of-factly.
"Don't tell me that you offered her an apple!" joked the gambler.
"Not quite, though I'm impressed that you've managed to read a few pages of that travesty which your kind call a bible. No, you hairless monkey, I did not offer fruit and even that condensed underworked organ which you have in your head should be able to calculate that. After I left you, I transformed myself into a 12 year old boy, then I accidentally bumped into the prospective couple."
"And? What did you say?"
"Patience, you fool. Hear me out. I told her how glad I was that I was born a male, even though I was poor and my parents beat me all the time. Well, the professor was concerned about the abuse, but you can guess what drew her attention..."
"Why were you glad to be born a male?" asked Hornbet.
"That's exactly what she asked," replied Ace. "First of all I told her that when I grew up I would be able to ride a horse and carry a gun. So she said: Bullshit. I can do that, too. Then I said that I could get drunk and fornicate. The professor was somewhat shocked by my statement, but she was adamant and said that she could do that, too. In fact she went one step further by saying that she intended to drink a whole bottle of whiskey before shagging the professor's brains out tonight!"
"Really?"
"You should have seen the professor's face! It was balanced between glee and utter shock. I almost felt like laughing. Anyway, she thought she got me and had a big satisfied smug on her face as she turned to walk away with that gormless baboon. So I said to her: I know something I can do that you will never do. Ever. And so she stopped and turned round to challenge me. When I'm a man I said, I can go in the saloon and play poker all night until morning."
"But that's bullshit!" said Hornbet. "If women weren't allowed to gamble then I wouldn't have asked you to get her to play, would I?"
"Relax! She didn't know that! The professor told her that I was talking lies, but I rubbed salt in her injured pride, saying that gambling was the last bastion of mankind and that men played cards to get some peace from the constant nagging of womankind!"
"You crafty ol'devil!" said Hornbet.
"That's ME! Anyway, she was hooked, line and sinker, and she's out to beat every man at poker just to prove that what talentless bastards such as yourself can do, she can do better."
"Hmm...we'll see about that."
"What do you want from her, anyway? She's just a country bumpkin."
"I think that's enough fishing for one day, demon, but if everything works out as it should, you will be released pretty soon."

"Miss Arkwright," continued Hornbet, slipping off his seat like a predatory viper, "what a pleasant surprise to see you in a place like this."
Nina Arkwright looked sour and determined and professor Allmy was fighting not to show his distress, for he had witnessed some of the outcomes of gambling amongst his students.
"What time's the poker game, gambler?" asked Nina. "I'd like to buy myself in. The professor's explained the rules to me and they sound pretty simple."
"No, my dear," said the professor. "That's what makes the game dangerous. Many are the foolhardy that are suckered in, by cardsharps such as these."
"I'll ignore the insult," said Hornbet, keeping his composure," but perhaps the professor is right. Maybe I'm just too good for you...Oh, sorry, I meant too experienced. Pardon me for offending you, miss."
"None taken," replied Nina from Pasadena. "We'll see how good you are when you go home in your bare feet after I've cleaned you out."
Hornbet laughed and he nudged Ace next to him to follow suit.

"Please, at least allow me to offer you a friendly drink. Just so there's no tension between us," said Hornbet, smoothing out all the malice in his voice. Nina didn't care for any drinks from ugly strangers, but the gambler insisted that it was a manly custom and that no man would ever refuse a drink. Thanks to Ace's story he had found the right buttons to press with this boisterous young lady and she accepted, asking for a whiskey. Hornbet told the barman to get her a large one, since he was treating her. The crafty gambler wasn't leaving anything to chance that night. He was leading the lamb to the slaughter. He could smell the sweet smell of success tantalizing his nostrils.

When Nina finished her drink, which didn't take long, since her patience had withered, she asked the barman to get her some playing chips for the game. The barman told her that all transactions happened in the solace of the cards room. She could see the other major players arriving and stepping into the room, so she tried to follow them through. Hornbet played his trump card to get her to stay and simultaneously to ensure that she wasn't clear headed.
"Begging your pardon, miss, but there's no women allowed in this cards room," he said.
"Yeah? Well, step aside before I kick your balls through yer mouth! Ain't no man in Texas that's gonna stop Nina from Pasadena goin' anywhere! Shoo!"
With a big smile, Hornbet lifted his arm to let her pass. The stage was set for action, but before the greedy gambler went in, something very unexpected happened. The young black lad, who had been staying across the street, walked in with his two servants. The music stopped and everyone turned around speechless to stare with undisguised discontent.
"I would like to play in the big poker game tonight, please," he said amongst the solid uncomfortable silence.
"Get the hell out of here, boy," shouted the obnoxious barman. "We don't serve negroes here..."
"Whoa! Hold your horses, Ed!" Everyone turned around again to the door, but this time the voice was familiar. "I know we have our set ways of life over here, and far be it for me to start changing our narrow minded customs an' all, but if a man wants to gamble then he has every right to do so."
"But, sheriff, he's black!"
"So are half the cards in that deck of cards that you use. Gambling's neutral ground, Ed, an' you know that. Skin colour's not an issue where money's concerned."
"He's too young to play!"
"I've had a chat with this young man an' believe me, he's a lot older than he looks. I weren't too sure either at first, but when he opened up that bag he's carrying I was convinced. Ain't no minors that walk around with that many greenbacks."

A tsunami of curiosity washed all racism out into the street as soon as the large sum of money was mentioned. Ace, who had been watching from behind Hornbet, was no stranger to the effect that monetary units had amongst what he rated as a shallow species. Sheriff Hardway accompanied the money-loaded trio of males, and the white uniformed general who had also walked in, toward the cards room, but they found their path blocked. Hornbet was seething and was ready to drown in his saliva.
"If that boy enters here, then I'm not playing," he threatened.
"Fine," said the sheriff. "I was hoping you'd say that, so you can pack your bags an' get the hell out of my town. Now step aside, before I throw you out."
Hornbet was defeated in this battle, but then he saw the daft stupidity of it all. Once he got what he wanted tonight, then there would be no need to worry about anything anymore. Ever again. He followed everyone into the cards room, cracking his knuckles. It was irrelevant how much money the kid had in the bag. Hornbet was after a prize far bigger than even god and the devil could imagine.

(to be continued)

 

(c) LK 2005

XV
Hornbet stared at the other players as he took the red diamond deck in his hand, cut it in half and crisply shuffled the cards.
"I s'ppose you're all familiar with Texas Hold'Em?" he asked, grinning at Nina.
The girl remained silent. Her pride refusing to conform to the truth. As the first chips were thrown into the centre of the green baize table, Hornbet started to deal the cards. Everyone jumped in the air all of a sudden. Someone was manickly thudding at the locked door and calling for the sheriff. Hornbet looked miffed.
"There ain't supposed to be interruptions once the door's closed," he said, but the sheriff didn't care for the gambler's tenuous traditions. He unlocked the door and stepped out of the little room. Half the town had massed itself inside the saloon. They all looked terrified. Sheriff Hardway could hear shooting and yelling outside in the street. It sounded as if they were being attacked by bandits.
"What the hell's happening?" he asked.
"It's the end of the world, sheriff!" said the sleezy hotel owner from across the road, who had also made his way inside the saloon and had conveniently helped himself to a bottle of whiskey to suppress the effects of armageddon."They're acomin' from all over the place! There'll be critters risin' from the ground! They're just indescribable<hic>! Well, we kept shootin' at them, but there's more and more. There's too many!"
"What are you saying, man?" asked Hardway."You're drunk!"
"<hic> That may be so, sheriff-f-f , but if you pardon my language, what I'm sayin' is that we're well an' truly fucked!"
"Get out the way, you fool! Let me take a look!" said the sheriff, unholstering his firearm and heading for the saloon door.

As he opened it, he was pushed back by two men. They were carrying someone drenched in bruises and blood.
"We managed to save him," said one of the men. "Got to admit, he's one brave man trying to fend them off with the bible!"
The injured man was the priest.
"Padre, are you able to speak?" asked the sheriff.
"<cough> The Lord have mercy upon us," was the only thing the reverend could say before losing consciousness. Fortunately the doctor was at hand and tended to him, whilst the sheriff decided to step outside to see who or what was causing havoc to his peaceful little town.

The first thing he noticed was the sulphurous smell. A thick, dense cloud of smoke had sealed off the sun and the air felt as if it had a vibrant unnatural energy. Still the sheriff wasn't scared, but he knew something evil was around as more and more of the town's inhabitants found their way into the saloon. Their faces were icons of torture. Faces that Hardway had only seen at the worst stages of the Civil War. And then he heard the noise. Like a thousand rats ascending from the hull of a ship. It churned his stomach and this time fear begun to swell through sheriff Hardway's body.

At the end of the street the first of these strange entities appeared and the lawman couldn't comprehend what manner of beast it was. It was the size of a dog, but its shape seemed to shift and contort as it moved. It's colour changed between a dusty grey and a flourescent purple. Eyes seemed to appear and disappear from everywhere on its torso. Though nervous beyond reasonable doubt, the sheriff's curiousity at this oddity prolonged his stay in the street, much to the grief of everyone who was shouting from inside the saloon for him to return so they could barricade the door. More of these unearthly creatures begun to appear on the horizon, but they seemed confused and unaware of the sheriff's presence. That didn't last long. The first creature turned its temporary head in his direction and it transformed into a maw of razor sharp teeth. The screeching mass slithered towards him and the sheriff unloaded all six bullets into it to bring it to a stop, before going back inside the saloon.

"I'll be damned!" he said. "Someone fetch me a whiskey!"

(to be continued)

 

hello there....i love the irony and humour in your writing..it always gets better as well...your characters are fitting and also absurd, a clever combination...so im able to think this world is real...[as the wiredness carefully slips in..]or possible at least! i love the unusual twists and references to rascism and alcohol, peacemakers too...the comic timing is really finesse.

I'd really like the sherrif to have more of a brawling dialect...like heavy near inconhereable!

MORE!

 

Thanks Keramptha. I will take due note.

(c) LK 2005

XVI

All the occupants of the exclusive cards room were now squeezing along the packed saloon, trying to find out more about the sordid affair that was plaguing the small town. Whilst some men were barricading the door with turned over tables, the shrewd saloon keeper was sweating and having palpitations. He wasn't sure that a hellspawn infestation was a reasonable enough excuse to have his property wrecked.

General Stickman quietly approached Ace, who was standing by the window with his his hands crossed behind his back. They were the only two in the whole town that weren't totally concerned with what was going on. Then again, neither of them was human.

"I hope you're really pleased with yourself, Asmodeus!" said the general. "Now, why don't you step outside and reign in your hounds before the damage is irreparable?"
"That would be an excellent idea, even from a single-view henchman for the old Maker," replied Ace, "but there is a slight problem: they're not mine!"
"Cut the bullshit, demon," said the archangel. "If you don't sort this pandemonium out I will blind you indefinately with holy light!"
"Oh, give over, you cretinous fudgecake chewing old fool!" hissed Ace. "I am telling you: these creatures are not from any forbidden dimension I know and if the Master made new creations I would have been informed."
"And what makes you think that you can trust him?" asked the general. "You really make me wonder sometimes! How can you trust your Master? It's not as if you have ethics in hell!"
Ace didn't reply to that question. Truth be told that he didn't trust the Master one iota, but he knew of everything that went on in his dominion because he had spies everywhere.
"No, maybe not," said Ace. "I find myself at a loss. I don't know where these creatures are coming from and the strange thing is...I'm confused...something which has never happened since my existence begun."
The old general was about to add some venom to some verbatim before throwing it in the demon's face, but a scuffle broke out outside the cards room.

"Don't you come near me!" yelled Hornbet.
"This is ridiculous," said the young black man. "That jewel does not belong to you! Your selfish human greed will bring the end of the world! Look at what is happening!"
"Is that true, gambler?" asked the sheriff after a big swig at the whiskey bottle. "Are you a cattle-pinching vermin? Looks like I'm a gonna bein' hauling your hairy ass in jail after all!"
"What jail, you beefbrain?" replied Hornbet. "Minute you step outside, those gremlin things are gonna turn your balls into fajitas!"
"That be true, sheriff," said Big Eight. "Them things have got big sharp teeth!"
"Shuddup Big Eight! This ain't the time for philosophizin' an' shit!" said sheriff Hardway. "The law's the law an' the law won't be made an ass of! Now, young man, where didy'say this theft took place?"
"The moonstone was taken from its resting place from Alexandria," replied the young black man. "My men and I have travelled many leagues in search for it."
"Alexandria!" exclaimed the sheriff. "I thought y'were from New Orleans. Now where the deuce is Alexandria?"
"Egypt."
"Hell, that's a diff'rent story, pilgrim. That's way beyond my jurisdiction. We'll have to ger a court order on..."
"We haven't got time for that," the young man was exasperated and unfortunately the alcohol was having an undesirable effect on the sheriff. The un-nameable creatures were now harping at the door of the barricaded salloon, trying to break it down. The noise was escalating to a fever pitch sending terror into all the humans's hearts.

The young black man's eyes rolled up and he begun speaking in a strange tongue no-one had heard before, beside the archangel and the demon.
"My word!" said the professor, recognizing some words. "Is it true? He's speaking Egyptian!"
"What is wron' with that, Allmy?" asked Nina. "The littl' fella said he were from Egypt!"
"No, my pudding, you don't understand. This must be ancient Egyptian! No one alive knows how it was spoken! I really must have a word..."

Before he could approach, the two men that had all this time accompanied the young man winced with pain. Their backs stretched and their clothes begun ripping. Everyone moved out of the way, thinking that they had some kind of tropical disease that might infect them, too. Hornbet's eyes were as wide as saucers. He was momentarily dazed by what he saw, but he had to think fast, because the young man was casting a spell. The faces of the young man's guardians proturded out and darkened in colour. Their beards spread quickly all over their bodies, covering them with short coarse hair. Professor Numbersoff stared with scientific bewilderment. He had seen these kind of monsters before, on the walls of Egyptian architecture. The two living representations of Anubis bared their fangs and Hornbet realized that he had precious little time left before they consumed him. In all the mystical showtime he had simply forgotten that he had a very heavy card that he could deal.

"Ace, kill them quick!" ordered Hornbet. "Asmodeus, se diatazo na skorpiseis ton thanato!"
Before the sheriff could draw his weapon, or anyone else blink for that matter, Ace turned a bright red like a lobster. Scarlet steam emmanated from his eyes and without stepping, his body stretched like elastic from the spot he was standing. With an evil grin, he begun coiling himself around the three assailants and opened a mouth with two long fangs like a giant Amazon anaconda.

Only divine intervention could save the situation and general Stickman, alias the archangel Michael, took course for action. Like a blazing wind he scrolled around the room leaving a trail of thick white paste behind him. When nothing can be done to save what you truly behold as precious, then the only door open to you is to self destruct rather than leave the spoils to the enemy. No one apart from the Maker could really tell what would happen if an upper dimensional being would touch the moonstone, but that he did.

Time stopped.

And then something very very peculiar occured.

(to be continued)

 

wow!

this is so good.

its hilarious and dark. in reminds me of terry pratchett. Have you read 'Good Omens' by terry pratchett and neil [somone/mcormack..i forget] its a joint book and your voice sounds like the neil guys a bit...it was my favoritie book in a long time.

and the openeing paragragh was just top class...this section was bloody good!

 

Cheers me dears! I've only read one Terry Pratchet book and enjoyed it very much. I'll make a point of getting some more. I tend to be influenced by H.P.Lovecraft, but I can't be too serious like he was. To coin an old cliche: life's too short. Thanks for the feedback, Keramptha. You have a good eye for detail. And now... on with show:

(c) LK 2005

XVII
(Author's note: At this point it might be essential to interject that continuing to read this part of the story whilst under strong substances might incur troubling hallucinations and visions that might induce psychosomatic disturbances. The use of cameras is also strictly forbidden and remember to throw your rubbish away when you leave in the litter bins along the foyer.)

Though they could still see and hear what was going on, everyone inside the saloon found themselves paralyzed on the spot. Noone felt any pain, but a sense of sickness overcame them, whilst their every bone felt as if it was made from ice. Ace's red eyes lost their evil glow and they were riveted on the general with genuine fear of what fate had in store for them.

There was a steady vibration, like a small earth tremor. Bottles and glasses begun to fall off the counter and shatter on the floor. On top of that, it looked like the walls would tumble and the occupants's inabilty to move would make them easy prey for the hungry creatures waiting outside. The shaking eased a bit, but not for long. It started up again, more violently and everyone felt as if their stomachs had lead weights in them. A gargantuan noise roared with the earth's angst fighting against all that is unnatural and doesn't belong on its surface. The laws of physics were struggling to ward the intrusion of this alien force.

The whole saloon seemed to mometarily disappear, like it wasn't real. As if it was a projected image on canvas. Everyone held their breath; for they knew it could be their last. Even the archangel begun feeling doubt setting in. Noone could look up, but they could feel that the roof was no longer over their head. A chill run down the nape of their necks. The professor longed to kiss his sweetheart before it all ended for ever. The reverend wished he could pray and make his peace with god. And if only Big Eight could reach that tequilla bottle. The rumbling continued and they could see ahead of them that the walls were fading. Outside in the street, the confused monsters were also fading with them, so at least that was one problem out of the way. Then the floor wobbled.

It was all like a stressful dream that knew no end. The ground still looked wooden, but it felt sticky and bouncy. Ether sipped into their nostrils and the nausea made Juicy Lucy vomit spontaneously through her nose, though she couldn't move to save her life. There was nothing they could do to struggle against the will that had captivated them, as the ground gave way and their bodies tore through it.

Fear clenched them like a cornered cat savaging out their eyeballs. Their jaws ached with the force of gravity pulling them with a speed that left a trail of their image behind them. Nothing could describe what they were seeing, for they were travelling too fast to perceive any images. And yet they were still conscious, even though the humans would gladly give up their will to survive to end the mental torture. No one could tell how long they were falling, for whilst they fell it felt like indefinately and when they stopped it felt like it had only been a brief second. They knew that they had stopped, but they still felt like they were falling, whilst the image of their trail caught up with them.

General Stickman was the first to perceive their surroundings. He was as baffled as the rest of them. As far as he and the demon could make out, there was nothing organic they could relate to. They were suspended in some form of space, but it wasn't the universe that the humans inhabited. For their part, everyone could still breathe, but it was strange since there was no air present. The general could feel that Ace didn't have a clue where they were either. They had been to the edge of the universe, both being compliable to the laws governing infinity, but though this environment was similar, it had some subtle differences.

The distant light of just a handful of stars blinked and faded and then appeared in different parts of their surrounding. Panic set in again as everyone started drifting slowly away from each other. They remained unable to move and their grief turned to sorrow, knowing that they would die an incomprehensible death. In the distance they could see a light heading across the nether. It was probably a wondering comet with a beaming tail. Everyone tried desperately to think of some good thought before they departed. Except for the demon. He thought of some perverse bondage porn involving a sadomasochistic hamster. Some writers would quote that the greatest fear is that of the unknown. The inhabitants of Corpus Christi would beg to differ, for that fear soon manifests itself into something entirely real that the mind refuses to accept.

In this case, as the comet loomed closer, it was clear to everyone not suffering from myopia that it wasn't a heavenly body, but a worm the size of the moon. It slithered and wavered, but it was apparent what their death would now entail. They were to be consumed . With an astronomic force it reached them within seconds. The worm glowed with its own light and as it swallowed them everyone was almost blinded from its piercing rays. Its insides were shards of mirrors of different shapes and sizes, all reflecting everything within to some floating point irregularity. Everyone was falling apart. Their reflected images were breaking down their physical composition and bouncing it around the mirrors, gradually breaking it down further until all thought, emotion, memory even something that some people describe as a soul, became nothing more than a series of energy pulses. The worm continued its relentless journey through the blinking lights.

And then there was darkness...

END​

OF​

Part​

One​

(to be continued)

 

whaaaa??

this shit is steaming!......it goes well with my mind...

 

Thanks Keramptha. Having seen your writing I know you're on a higher plane, but you've never looked down on everyone, instead you always try to help others reach higher. That was the apex of my eeirie part of the story by the way. In a few days I will slightly turn down the tone. Ever so slightly. The shit is about to get weirder though

 

haha...thats what i think of your writing though! i was just thinking it must be sweet to see your work out there. im goigng to get a copy..

 

Wow! Thanks, Keramptha. I hope you enjoy it. Make sure you let me know when the first print of your book comes out too, so I can get a copy. I'll also put a dedication on my website for it on my site. Cheers, fella.

PS There'll be more from the nutters of Corpus Christi in a few days, because I'm too knackered at the moment. Who knows what will happen? Has anyone survived? Will they be able to live a normal life again? Will I get a tax return? All these questions will be answered soon. Love you all. See you soon.

 

(c) LK 2005

Part​

Two​

Life is a game​

I
At first she heard a soothing sound coming from afar. Someone was playing exotic notes on some kind of flute and the music was caressing her ear like a caring parent, much like her mama did when she was an infant. In the darkness she could feel a warm glow pressing on her eyelids. Confusion and fear kept her from opening them. She knew she must have died, but she was still able to think! The tender harmony made her think that she ended up in heaven, but the heat that beat down on her gave her doubts. Even though she was exhausted through the ordeal, she realized that she couldn't lie down with her eyes shut for ever. Then again, it may all have been a nightmare. Surely none of it was real. These things don't happen and it was all too sudden. It was the most powerful dream she had ever seen and she chided herself for being such a scaredy-cat. Nina flicked one eye open and looked up at the clear blue sky. She almost cried with relief to see normality and tried to get up to see where she was.

There were dry fields everywhere that she didn't recognize. The ground was scorched from the blazing sun and the texture of the earth was finer, as if there was sand mixed in it. Wherever she was, the farmers were having a difficult time. There must have been a drought. Where the hell was she? Nina had heard of people walking in their sleep, but not all the way to Mexico.

She looked to her sides. People were working on arid land, similar to hers. They were scraping trenches with rake-like intruments that seemed archaic. Didn't these people have horses to help them? Were they so poor? They all seemed to be digging towards the same direction ahead of her. She hadn't noticed before, because it was gleaming from the sun's bright rays, but there was a river about half a mile away. She slowly walked towards it, her muscles aching with pain. She felt dizzy and almost lost her step, but she continued as if she still hadn't fully woken up yet. When she reached the banks, she could see that the river was once wide from the high tide marks left behind, but it had since swelled up catastrophically. These people were facing a disaster. Why were they still staying there? She turned to look at them again. They were dark skinned and scantilly clad with white linen skirts. Their hair was a healthy shiny black and cut in a straight line around their necks. She hadn't ever seen Mexicans like these before.

Then she heard the music again. She followed it like a hypnotized snake to find its source. Near the bank was a tall palm tree, which again she looked at curiously since she'd never seen one before. She wondered if she was having a dream within a dream, but it was so real. If she wasn't so tired, she would have been concerned that she was losing her mind. An old man, dressed in some kind of white sheet, was playing a twin flute-like intrument to someone who was sleeping like a baby in the shade of the tree. Suddenly her eyes stretched wide and her energy returned as if slapped awake.

"Allmy!" she shouted. "You're here, too! Thank the Lord!"
She ran over and jumped on top of the professor, covering him with kisses.
"Gently, child!" said the old man. "You'll wake the young master up and that would be a considerable shame, since he's having a well-earned rest."
Nina didn't even listen and Allmy stirred from his sleep in a half-daze.
"Where-what?" he asked. "I need a piss. Are we alive? Dream?"
"Allmy, wake up!" shouted Nina, almost in tears. "We're alive and we're in Mexico. Fuck knows how we got 'ere!"
"I'm sorry, master," said the old man. "I tried to keep the peasant girl back, but I think she's suffering from a heat stroke. Ra is being unkind today."
Nina stopped.
"Who are you callin' a peasant girl, you sheet-wearing-flute-playin' weirdo? Go play with your organ down some alley and let us be."
"Hey, ease up, honeypie," said Allmy, trying to get his bearings. "Help me get up. Where are we?"
"I told you: Mexico, I think."
"This don't look like Mexico to me, sugarplum," said Allmy.
"What is Meggsico?" asked the old man, who now also looked confused.
"Why're you dressed like that, Nina?" asked Allmy. "What happened to your clothes?"

For the first time Nina looked down and to her embarassing horror saw that she was dressed just like the other workers. I say embarassing, because her breasts, gorgeous though they were, were fully exposed for all and sundry to admire. She immediately crossed her arms around them and Allmy took a thin turqoise cloak from around his back to cover her modesty. That's when he realized that he was wearing different clothes, too, only his were more regal.
"This is unbelievable! Nina, are we still dreaming?" he asked.
"Yeah, and by the looks of it, it's a wet dream. Hey! Who is having the dream anyway?" asked Nina.
"I'm sorry, but who are you?" asked Allmy, turning to the old man.
"Is master making one of his jokes?" asked the old man. "I am Prophano, the court philosopher. I have been your tutor since childhood. Are you feeling alright, master?"
"This is unbelievable!" said the professor. "Nina, have you just realized?"
"What?"
"We're speaking in a different language!" replied Allmy.
"We're-wh? Fuck me! We are an'all!"
"It's the same language that young black man was speaking back in the saloon!"
"How can that be, Allmy? I mean, you're a professor, but I never even finished school!"
"This is unbelievable!" said professor Numbersoff again. "I learnt to read hieroglyphics, but like I said, no one knows what it sounded like! This is un..."
His sentence was cut short. He turned around to look behind him. He remained silent. Nina turned to see what had grabbed his attention and nearly fell from awe.

A cyclopean triangular structure was reaching high to the sky as if trying to touch the heavens. It was like a big hill, only the frightening aspect was that this wasn't naturally made. It was obvious that this had been made by somebody, because its symmetry was perfect. And even more disturbing was that there were two similar structures near it, to keep it company. Its sides were smooth and white, made of marble and on the very top it had been coated with gold, making it give off a beam that competed with the glory of the sun. The only place Nina had seen a building like that was on the bottom of a one-dollar bill, but she never guessed it would be this large!
"Wh-what is that, Allmy?"
"It-is-unbelievable!"
"Will you stop saying that? Old man, where the darn hell are we?"
"Are you both mad?" he asked. "We're in Thebes!"
Nina hadn't heard of Thebes before, but one thing was sure: they weren't in Mexico and, as sure as hell is hot, they weren't anywhere near Texas.

(to be continued)

 

wow... i love this....

 

hehe... i know the feeling

this is progressing nicely, scorpy...

*hugz*

 

All my love to Keramptha and Hippievixen. Thanks for the support guys. Without it I wouldn't find the inspiration and energy to continue. I never planned the story to go for so long. It was meant to be a short story, but I find these characters talking to me whilst I write as if they were real. It's turning into a saga I wonder if we can get George Lucas to help out?

 

(c) LK 2005

II
They all turned their heads up as they heard a screech. It was just a falcon flying across the arid sky.
"The imperial court is now in session," said Prophano. "That is a royal falcon from the house of Horus, master!"
"Please, remind me of my duties, old man," said Allmy. "I'm not feeling very well today, as you can tell."
"Why! You are the great Arithmus, greatest of all royal mathematicians, master. I taught you from an infant myself, all the theories of the Pythagoreans, but you showed genius from an early age, albeit with an excessive imaginary spirit, if I may be permitted to add."
"That is unbelievable! I am dying to find out what that entails. Prophano, my aged and learned friend, let us proceed with haste."
"My oh my, Allmy!" said Nina. "Y'really are picking the flow of the rhyme. We've only been here ten minutes."
"Err... I'm erm...afraid the young woman cannot possibly accompany us, master," said Prophano, feeling very uncomfortable.
"Why the Rameses not?" asked the professor.
"Well, err... she is a... how can I put it without offending master?"
"Offending master?" shrieked Nina. "How about offendin' me, ol'timer? An' don't think I've forgotten about that peasant bullshit, either!"
Prophano looked confused.
"Master, the woman doesn't even have a name! How will she be introduced to the aristocracy? It will cause an outcry!"
"Yes she has!" replied Allmy. "She's Nina from Pasadena."
"Pasa-what?" Prophano was lost.
"Oh. It's a place far, far away from here. Don't worry about it. Listen, the girl is my assistant. I will vouch for her. You just lead the way."
Prophano shrugged his shoulders. He could never get used to his master's eccentricity.

As they walked through the narrow streets of the capital, professor Numbersoff remained open mouthed. He must have repeated 'That is unbelievable!' at least 83 times and the only reason he stopped was that he ended up swallowing an increasing number of the local flies. When they arrived at the palace it was Nina's turn to say his catch phrase.

The regal majesty was unbounding. The structure reached with such finesse it made anyone looking at it tremble with insignificance. This was the first time Nina didn't feel too bad about being somewhere so far away from home. Although she still missed Texas, this was a picture she would treasure for her whole life. No imagination in the world could have built such a beautiful palace and yet it was humans that built it when they weren't preoccupied with killing each other.

The guards at the entrance stood aside to let the party through. Once inside the building they immediately sensed a drop of temperature. The thick stone coupled with the shadow kept the heat at bay. They advanced through the tall ceilinged corridors which were covered from floor to ceiling with colorful hieroglyphs. Allmy tried to stop and read some. He was like a kid in a candy shop, but Prophano intervened and told him they had to press ahead. Seeing that there was a distinct absence of Theban flies inside the palace (due to some special incense that they burned) Allmy was ready to exclaim: "That is amaz..."
The sentence was aborted, however, when he saw Nina glaring at him, having sworn that if she heard it for the 84th time she would most assuredly whip his ass sorry, and she didn't mean foreplay.

They passed through several armed guards and thin veiled lilac curtains that ranged high up and fluttered as mystical winds scattered all sounds like thousands of chaotic whispers. As they passed the final curtain the noise hit them like a brick. They were in the throne room. A grand hall with a balustrade and dozens of tall stone columns. Around the walls were grim looking statues of various animal entities, looking indifferent to human affairs, nevertheless sitting in judgement. But the bizarre noise didn't come from anything supernatural. The vast hall was filled with people who were all busy arguing amongst themselves. The debate was so intense, that it was debatable whether they were debating about anything at all.

Nobody noticed the three newcomers. Nina covered her ears from the noise.
"What are we supposed to do now?" asked Allmy.
"Well, master Arithmus," said Prophano. "I think the best thing would be to join in. He with the loudest voice will win, but if you let the others do all the shouting first, then their voices will eventually wear out and then you can start."
"That's quite crafty, old man. Thanks."
"Allmy, look!" said Nina. "Over there! Is that the king sittin' on that big chair?"
"Wow! Yes, it is my little sugar fairy! But here they don't say king, they say pharaoh," replied Allmy. "My! He looks so young! You don't suppose it's Tuttankhamun?"
"I don't know who Toot a man moon is, Allmy! Sounds like an Apache chief to me!"
"THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE!" yelled Alllmy all-excited and before Nina could slap him he grabbed her hand and pointed. "Look! Nina, do you recognize him?"

Nina looked vaguely at the pharaoh on the other side of the hall. Even though he was far away she had a keen eye. He was sitting in a huge throne, whose back reached half way to the ceiling and was adorned in ivory and gold. On his side were the two biggest guards that Nina had seen so far, armed with huge halberds that could slice a man in two pieces with the slightest move. She couldn't see the young man's face, because he had his head buried in his hands. He was obviously stricken with grief from all the pandemonium that had enruptured in his court. He wore a strange red crown that had a high protruding back and a gold cobra emblem in the front. Nina was amazed to see that the boy was black. She came from an environment that was used to seeing black people treated very differently and she never imagined that they would govern such an awe inspiring civilization. The young pharaoh lifted his head to gaze around with a wearisome look and then cupped his face again. Nina gasped with recognition.
"It's HIM! Allmy, you're right! That is fucking unbelievable! It's the young boy from the saloon! He's here as well! An' maybe we'll find some of the others, too and get ourselves back to Texas."
"Whoa! Slow down, pumpkin! One step at the time! First we have to find a way round there to speak to him."
"You're the chief mathemawhatsits! Why don't just tell everyone to haul their butt out the way?"
"I don't think it will be that easy, sugarpie, but maybe there's another way."
Allmy looked at one of the huge curtains that was tied to a column and stretched high into the centre of the ceiling. He took out an ornate curved dagger that was placed in his silk sash and gave it to Prophano who looked bewildered. The professor then climbed onto the balustrade and asked Nina to join him. Although reluctant, Prophano cut the binds of the curtain and with Nina locking her arms around his neck Allmy swung across the vast hall. Nina was so excited she couldn't help but yell: "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!"

They landed on their knees at the foot of the throne and the pharaoh was startled with the totally unexpected arrival. The same could not be said of the two massive guards that advanced with their spears, ready to make short work of the two assailants.

(to be continued)

 

(c) LK 2005

III
Just as the guards prepared to make shish kebab out of the professor and Nina, the pharaoh raised his gold sceptre. Everyone and everything in the vast hall stood still, waiting to hear his directive.
"These mortals mean no threat! Surely you recognize the Royal Mathematician!"
"Mortals?" whispered Nina.
"Pharaohs were regarded as gods in ancient Egypt, darling," whispered the professor.
The pharaoh got up from the throne and motioned to the guards.
"Please escort his lordship into the private antechamber, where he may address me. His concubine can join the escort, too."
"Did he just call me a porcupine?" asked Nina.
"Never mind, darling," replied Allmy. "I'll explain later. We'll just go along now. Maybe he can explain what's going on."
They were led into a room that was lined with royal blue velvet. Candles and aromatic incense burned from ornate hangings. The pharaoh rested on a luxurious divan, at the bottom of which a cheetah was chained. The cheetah growled when it saw the strangers. The pharaoh opened a silver box and took out some dried meat which he threw in the air towards his pet. The animal gobbled the tidbit in one gulp.
"Relax Acinonyx, these are friends," said the pharaoh and the cheeteh purred like a domestic cat. The guards were told to wait outside the antechamber and the two American guests sank on some of the huge cushions that were so comfortable that they almost fell asleep.
"You're probably wondering what you're doing here," said the pharaoh.
"I suppose you could say that," replied Allmy.
"Damn right," said Nina. "An' more to the point, how the heck do we get back?"
The pharaoh looked grim.
"I can't answer that," he said, "but I can shed some light on what is happening."
"Well, if we ain't goin' anywhere I s'pose that'd be a good start," said Nina.

"As you can see, I am the pharaoh of the upper kingdom of Egypt. My name, or rather the name I am known by my subjects, is Amoun."
"Hold on," interrupted the professor. "I have studied egyptology, but I have never heard of you."
"There is a good reason for that, if you allow me to continue."
"I apologize, your majesty. Pray, continue."
"I feel that I must apologize, too, for part of this whole mess is my doing," continued Amoun. "but I will come to that later. We have all gone back in time to a little recorded part of history that appears to have been warped by an unknown element."
Nina had fallen asleep already. Allmy shrugged his shoulders, but it was probably for the best.
"She's worn out by the sun," he said.
"No doubt," said Amoun. "Anyway. When Rome conquered Egypt, the last dynasty of pharaohs, the Ptolemys, who were descended from Alexander the Great, collapsed with the death of Cleopatra. All through the time of the Prolemy rule, some of the highest priests of the land looked after me and my predecessors and kept us hidden up until the time when the true royal Egyptian bloodline would rise to the throne again. Alas, that never happened, so when the priests realized that our civilization would become extinct and assimilated by new and different cultures, they sought to seal the holy wisdom by collecting it all under one roof..."
"You mean the Library of Alexandria!"
"Precisely!"
"But that was burned down!"
"Yes it was and that was part of the plan, and probably the most guarded secret of all time. You see, the Great Library was burned down, but all its contents were taken to a secret location beforehand, just outside Alexandria, and buried where no man could ever find it...under the sea bed!"
"Impossible!"
"Really? You said you've studied egyptology, so you know that impossible is not a word that exists in our vocabulary."
"But, I, why are you trusting me with this knowledge?"
"You are part of this now and you have replaced the man who helped design what I just told you, so I think that it's vital you know as much as possible if we're to sort this puzzle out. I was given the highest honour of all, as last pharaoh. The priests cast a spell on me, never to age. All trace of my existence was deleted from all records and I remained in the subterranean library, accompanied by two Anubian guards. You met them in the saloon. They're standing outside now, albeit in human form."
"But they nearly killed us. Didn't they recognize us?" asked Allmy.
"They're not great thinkers these Anubian guards. Very loyal, however."
"I see. So how did you come to be in America then?" asked Allmy.
"Somehow, that interferring gambler managed to find the Library's entrance, using a one-man submarine device taken from your Civil War. He very nearly drowned with it, too, which would have been a blessing, as none of this would have happened. Before I realized what happened, he had stolen a book that would bring about the Apocalypse if it falls in the wrong hands."
"The Necronomicon."
"You've heard of it."
"A.k.a. the Al-Azhif, written by the madman Abdul Alhazred. Of course I have heard of it. We have a rare copy in Greek back at Miskatonic University."
"Like you said, it is a copy and nowhere near as potent as the original that was written in Arabic with human blood."
"You said potent? That's ridiculous! It's not a living thing!"
"Perhaps not, but it has a mind of its own, and that's why it must remain guarded. I summoned my guards and gave chase to this Hornbet man until I found him in Corpus Christi. It's vital that I get the book back."
"Wait a minute. This doesn't make sense. That book was written somewhere around 700 AD in Damascus. How did you get a copy down here?"
"From time to time, the descendents of the High Priests send important books down for me to catalogue, or in this case, guard."
"And if Egypt has been conquered then where are all the Romans?" asked Allmy.
"I told you, time has been warped. I should not even be wearing a crown," said Amoun. "Perhaps our sudden presence here has altered history."
"Oops!"
"Yes, exactly, oops! A real bloody calamity!" said the pharaoh. "So you can understand why I looked a little distant back there. Anyway, now that you're here it's important that you play along with the game. Don't raise too much suspicion. Egyptians are superstitious people and a mob rising would be the last thing we need on top of our other problems."
"You mean that's not all?"
The pharaoh wanted to laugh, but couldn't.
"Get some rest first. Take, err..."
"Nina."
"Take Nina. You will reside here in the palace with me. Choose any room, bathe, eat and sleep. Tomorrow I will tell you the rest."
"Are there more of us?"
"Tomorrow, err..."
"Allmy," said the professor, extending his hand. "Allmy Numbersoff."
The pharaoh looked at the hand awkwardly.
"Oh! Sorry!" apologized Allmy and bowed,like he should have done.
"Tomorrow I will take you to see the others," said the pharaoh. "Now get some rest and enjoy our hospitality."

(to be continued.)

 

Still rocking!! i forget how humourous and plain good this story is... its really funny and vibed up!

the film script seems to be evolving...!

 

Morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!!

 

please... also ive orderd your book.. dont know how its going on arrival or transportation though, its exciting!