co-worker flirting

You put it so much better than I was able to. Thank you!

 

Sorry I'm also against cheating that’s why I haven’t done it yet, I may have considered it but you will soon learn why...

My wife doesn’t know about my co-workers advances, we have decided on a separation but I have not moved out yet!

To date I have not been with anyone else, I have not cheated or flirted with anyone else (ok until the last two months (I mean flirted))...

I'm with my wife 5 years now....One year into our relationship I found out she was receiving "phone calls" from her "ex" at night. What hurt me was not that she was speaking him, I didn’t mind that, just don’t lie about it! that night she even rejected several of my calls, saying her phone battery was dead...But really she chose to speak to him instead of me (her current bf)...and she still denied that until one day she left her mobile at my place and I received a string of phone calls around midnight, each time I answered the call no reply...and she still denied it even after that saying maybe he dialled by mistake and that she cant control his calls her...

So I decided I cant be with her since I don’t TRUST her anymore, but before I could dump her, she tells me she thinks she’s pregnant, we do a test and its positive...how can I dump her when she pregnant?? I don’t want my kid growing up without a positive father figure in her life...

So I stay with her, not because I wanted to but because of the kid. We start living as a family after my kid was born, and I dedicated my life to making it work. I've been with her every step of the way since then...supported her everyway I can, Right now I probably sleep 4hours a day, doing extra work so I can give my family everything of the best...but that doesn’t matter ‘cos its for my family)

Two months ago I was just thinking and I asked her when last she spoke to her ex...She says me after baby was born (some 3years ago, we were together for almost two years) and that he told her "he will not come between us cos we a family now". I ask her why she was chatting to him even after I found out and why while she was pregnant ...(btw she insists it was "just" phone calls nothing more!) she tells me they've being through so much and were trying to patch things up...but why if she with me and I'm her bf??

I ask her when WAS the last time she was with him, she tells me she "don’t know" and insists that. If he was so special to you and what you’ll had was so great, how come you cant remember the last time you and him were together, surely you will cherish that last moment together??

When I heard all this, something died in me...cos I've put my whole life aside to be with her, to raise my kid in a secure environment. That’s not all...so I ask more...

Then she tells me she never really loved me when we married, she was just having fun with me, she never thought we will last and she thought they could patch their broken relationship 'cos they've been through so much...

Then the best part she says..."but she grew to love me, now she loves me with her life"...wtf?? How do u marry someone when u don’t love them? Why??

I've put up with so much of her shit, shit from her family...trials, torture from her parents, just to make this work, I’m not selfish, I've always put her and my kid first, they my number one priority...(she was but my kid will always be)...

I don’t want a divorce as I know the kids suffer the most from that...

so please dear ladies go on telling me what a scum I am to be in this situation, because I deserve feeling like this...shit...

Don’t I deserve to feel "special" or "wanted" or "sexy"??



-----------------------------------------
smile even though your heart is breaking...

 

in the words of doctor phill

kids rather be from a broken home...

than live in one

 

Precisely. What crystaltreehugger said.

And ... wa wa wa... so now your telling the good-guy sob story. Its still not coming from her mouth so we are still only hearing your version of the story.

And no, kids dont suffer the most from divorce. Kids suffer the most from seeing their parents pretend to love each other. Worse yet, to learn later on that the parents remained in the relationship only because of them. Yeah you can tell yourself youve done a good thing but you havent. The only good thing you are doing is finally ENDING the relationship. Facing responsibility..... in doing whats good, not just what LOOKS good.

You are still LIVING with her.... you are getting something out of the relationship still or you would have LEFT it already.... you werent making yourself look any better by staying around. Thats what it sounds like... you are just worried about looking like a bad guy... well, too late....

Appearances mean nothing if it is hiding the truth. Getting married just because you knocked her up? .... gee what a nobel thing! OH what a wonderful man!! he stayed in such a horrible relationship and took care of the child.... oh ........good grief. Stop your freakin pity party! nobody feels sorry for you. Sure, put it off on her, saying she was in it just for fun.... well so were you.... an you got her knocked up. So you play the part of the good father and behind the scenes, you play around.

Its a fucked up situation either way. ...yes another fucked up relationship resulting from people who dont think before they act, fuck, or marry. So now you reap the consequences of the choices you've made. So you can go ahead and heap the blame on her and blah blah blah, and say she is responsible for what you are doing with your cheating flirting...... but the fact is it is you alone who makes your choices, and nobody is making you do anything.

So the shit is heaping up on you now.... what else is there to say?
Bear it.

 

thanks for your support either way...



---------------------------------------
smile even though your heart is breaking

 

sweetie, i havent played around, we do not fight in front of our kid, i'm not feeling sorry for myself, i just explained the entire situation so you understand...but I guess for you its OK for the women to be dishonest...

when i got into the relationship with her, i wasnt "playing for fun", i was serious and I gave it my 100%, she rejected my love and chose her ex...and then wants to know why i stopped loving her when my kid was conceived, while all that time she was "just talking" to him...while she was pregnant..isnt that double standards???

her version is, all she will say is "sorry"...or "i dont know"

but anyways i'm glad you find my situation hillarious...

 

nobody said anything about you fighting in front of the kid. Just knowing that parents who are together and dont love each other is enough.

And nobody said it was ok for a woman to be dishonest either. What we have all been saying is take responsibility for your own actions, dont say you are doing it because of what she may have done. Your doing it because you want to, either way. And hey if thats what you want to do, do it. Get out of the relationship. But theres no way you are going to make yourself look good if you are still in the relationship, your wife STILL does not know about your actions (and why is that? if your FINALLY getting separated and if you think she has truly been dishonest with you then it would seem you would admit to your actions, but no. So you must have some hidden motives for hiding what youre doing)

You are flirting around with your coworker and trying to get her to sleep with you, all the while still involved in a relationship...and have been doing this since before August. ..... off course you've played around! But apparently in your eyes its ok to do that because of what you claim she has done it to you. Stop blaming her for doing what your doing. Regardless of what she does, you still make your own choices. As you can see, nobody has sympathy because you could have waited to end the relationship first.

As one other person said already, 2 wrongs dont make a right. But theres no point telling you that because in your eyes you are just this guy who has done no wrong. So ... whatever.

But Ill bet that coworker backed off when she heard about the wife/kid. (if she has even heard about the kid yet...) And why would she want to get involved? What woman --unless she's a real slut-- would want to try to get involved with a guy who has a wife and kid and hasnt even gotten a divorce yet? It would be disrespectful. As I said before....... good luck with that.

 

hi

yes I have flirted, thats all, I've considered cheating but havent yet. the only reason i considered the cheating is cos of her betrayal...

i didnt wanna cheat/flirt, but my co-worker did come on quiet strong, its not her fault cos i may of lead her on. all u guys out there...answer this, can yiu resist a hot woman begging for sex??

the only reason I'm looking for sex elsewere is cos i also need to feel wanted or special, which i havent felt in quiet a while...

but no point explaining myself, you guys have already concluded the case as me being a scum and cheat...

but after reading this post I've decided to stop all contact with co-worker, lead a happy loveless marriage...without communication..'cos I cannot bear the sight of my wife after hearing her shit abt:

1) her midnight phonecalls to her ex
2) telling me i was just for fun
3) telling me she trying to sort things with her ex, while we together for 18mnts...
4) telling me she never loved me wen she married me
5) telling me she still spoke to himeven after my kid was born

I cant be with her, I cant look at her, and i cant sleep with her...

caio caio...


-----------------------------------------------
smile even though your heart is breaking...

 

Again........... the only reason you HAVENT fucked this coworker yet is because she backed away. NOT because you are being faithful. If your coworker would have wanted you, you would have already fucked her. Hence the purpose of your thread here asking for advice on how to get her interested in you again!.... You are just so pathetic...the way you use your wife as your excuse to justify your own actions..... Whether she cheated or not, its up to you to make your own choices. Reading over some of your other threads and posts it really appears as if you are just out to get some revenge on her, and your story doesnt always match up, and it really does sound as if things are being left out. I wouldnt doubt it if your wife told you those things because she suspected YOU were cheating on her. We dont know the whole story. And we cant take your word for it. Too bad.

Oh poooor you! wa wa wa
First you say you didnt want to flirt BUT your coworker came on strong. Second, you say its not HER fault, because you "may" have led her on!............. you just contradicted yourself there. See, dude you are so freakin wishy-washy, you just talk to hear how good it sounds and you bend your words to make you seem like the victim.

And yeah, a man CAN resist a "hot woman begging for sex"... if they want to. you are capable of self control you simply chose to play along. Furthermore, if she was reallly begging for sex, you would have already HAD it, and you wouldnt be on here with your lame threads asking advice to get her to have sex with you!!!!!!


....... ........ ....... ......

So stop your playing and follow through with this "separation" you said you and your wife talked about last week. THEN get in a relationship that will make you feel "wanted" or "special" .......... nobody is stopping you from doing what you WANT. So go do it and stop whining.

 

lol... well here's your answer! Here is some advice you gave another kid on another relationship thread:

 

today my co-worker wants to go for a "drive" to buy lunch, i told her go herself, i'm busy...

 

i really want to kno how to go ahead without it affecting my work...i mean in the workplace, i haven't done that before, i wanted to know how with jeopardising my job...

but anyways thats in the past now...

 

why you getting so personal about my life?? hey relax woman...

 

well your'll kno my life better than i do...
abt her fone calls i found out long ago...

but u guys can stop minding my business, if you cant answer the original question, do not leave a msg as you not being helpfull...

 

I've had many questions and comments while reading through this thread but my biggest is whether the kid is really yours. If you were so suspicious of her cheating on you with her ex, maybe it's not even yours. If the child is not yours (blood test) then cut your strings and move on.

Either way don't stay with someone you don't love just for the children. It's not fair to the children and just emphesizes you as being a selfish prick.

 

kid is mine, i dont think she slept with him

 

exactly

 

You said in your first post that you were engaging in sexual chats with your coworker (presumably before the separation went into effect). Lie to yourself all you want, but you are a piece of shit cheating scumbag. Sexually explicit chatting is far beyond the bounds of flirtation.

"Flirting" with the hopes of fucking a coworker is not acting as a positive father. Your child may be too young to realize it yet, but she will if this continues. Do you want your kid to grow up thinking that a normal relationship involves cheating, no mutual trust, etc.? If this is a daughter, how will you feel 20 years from now if you know her man is running around on her, but she defends him as not doing anything you didn't do to mom?

As someone whose parents divorced when I was 4 -- I did not suffer nearly as much from that as I would have had my parents stayed together. My mother was the whore in that relationship -- my dad worked his ass off for her, and she was running around behind his back while he was at work. What kind of role model would she have been?

I am grateful that my dad left her rather than subject me to the horrible experience of watching my parents coexist without love or trust. Thanks to that decision, I have some idea of what a healthy relationship is, as well as the strength to get out of the unhealthy ones.

 

Yes, the kids do suffer from a divorce. There is no question there. They can also suffer from watching and then modeling bad relationship skills.

Ok, Here it goes: YOU WERE CHEATING ON HER, if only for two months. SHE WAS CHEATING ON YOU, if only phone calls. You see anytime you are doing something behind the other ones back it is CHEATING. So lets end that train of thought.

You have two choices here. You make your marriage work or you seperate and make the most out of your life. In nether of these two situations is screwing the work girl in your interest. How is losing your job going to help you any?

1. If you want to stay with your wife. Cut out ALL of the flirting and show nothing but disinterest in the work girl. Sit down with your wife and have some serious conversations about where your lives are now and where you want them to go. Forget all the past and agree to a new beginning and then stick with it. Don't keep bringing her mistakes up over and over either because you are guilty of the same thing even if it was after she did it. You can work through all this and have a happy marriage but it won't create itself and it would take both of you.

2. If you want to leave your wife. Leave her so that you can be HONORABLE in your actions. Do so with the least amount of pain to the child as possible and don't fight or say bad things about her. Once you are living alone and have your self established again, start dating. DO NOT date the girl at work though. It is not worth your job. Also, you need to find a woman that can help you along your lifes journey not throw in more pain and confusion. Do you really want to be with a girl that is the office slut. One that is willing to fuck married men? Where do you see that leading you? It will lead no where. If you just want to get laid to feel better that is fine once your marriage is through. Just don't get it mixed in with work. There are sluts available out there that you don't work with.

Truely, I am not insulting you and I know how you are feeling. My wife was having secret conversations with another as well. Once it came out, I wanted revenge plus a whole lot more. After thinking about it though I realized I didn't want a divorce just the behavior to stop. So we started dating again. We talked like we hadn't talked in years. It was great. I realized we were both leading us down the path to divorce. We turned it around and the last 3 years have been great, even the trust issues are now gone. It is possible but you have to decide which path you want and work towards making you life happy either way. I just don't see you finding that happiness with this chick, IMO.

 

because I like to set the facts straight. I hate to see people take everything at face value. You wanted the people here to think you are such a great guy --although cheating-- by putting the blame for your actions on your wife. And yet, you misled us in your original posts.

Heres just a few examples:

1. you said you had a girlfriend. Didnt say she was your wife until someone else made it known
2. said you had a kid, when in fact you have 2 according to your other threads...
3. said you were flirting, and then said it wasnt cheating (and I think Haid clarified "cheating" best in his last post)

Anyone who read a few of your other posts or threads could see the same.

But yeah I'll chill, because the one thing I know about people like you, is that you will never see your mistakes until you get bit in the ass by them. Talking will do no good. Your going to do what you want either way. You know how to do it.. you just came here to get people to back you up to relieve your conscience. And now, Im sure you realize that very few people here agree with what you wanted to do.

Finally, I've not gotten personal about your life. I got personal with your posts about your life. Oh well. Have a good one.