Chatnuts roasting on an open fire

Holy shit I drank too much last night. I don't remember coming home. I don't remember going to bed. There is odd shit in my YouTube search history and I don't think I made it to midnight last night, but I don't know...

Happy 2018 everyone. I'm going back to bed

 

i need some obscure Netflix suggestions.....someone?

anyone?....good movie suggestions?....just watched venice with bruce willis...it was barely ok...seth myers is good in it

i have ''shot caller'' on deck???

 

7 psychopaths

hell or high water

 

Having a few Beers Tonight but I got work in the morning so I cant go mad !
just ordered Pizza which is something I never do so a bit of a treat really

 

Don't know if it's on net flicks.. but girl trip had me laughing..

I will be watching again.. lol

 

fairly certain ill need to uber home 2beer limit i wasnt having it

 

parody thread

chads nuts resting on an open flamer

 

A man heard that masturbating before sex often helped blokes last longer during the act. The man decided to give it a try. He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to wank. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.

Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

 

^^^ ROFLMAO

 

soon as he got under the truck i knew the punchline

ftr...i wouldn't jerk off if it took 5 minutes....that's way too long.....rookie

 

I don't get it.

 

one my electric heater fans makes a noise that sounds like its saying "halloween, halloween" .. or its saying Kill Me in a foreign accent.

 

the truck rolled away while he was underneath masturbating with his eyes closed.....

 

my washer may have crapped out...it works right up until the spin to get the water out and it doesn't engage...it washes fine...the pump works but it didn't spin.....bought it from sears who are now out of business

i looked underneath...looks like 3 main parts that all clip in....one of them is the spinning mechanism

 

He could have just done it at home.

 

wash with no spin is usually just the lid switch

 

i will look


kitchen tap just started again...thank you

bed for a bit....

 

yes yes bed in a bit... stayed up after drinking coming home from work but need to get up a tad earlier for my uber

 

My favorite joke over Xmas I read went something like

I went Thailand and wanted to have sex with a hooker but I didn' want lady boy. So I found this chick, she looked like a woman, spoke like a woman, boobs like a woman, ass like a woman. Car like a woman. Wasn' until she started reversing up to the hotel car parked until the alarm bells started ringing. No woman could have reversed parked into those small lots the first go.

 

Well dammit. Alabama beat Clemson. There were some bad calls...but hellfire. smh It is what it is.

I figured I would just go ahead and post it...like ripping off that bandage quick. It hurts but I'm going ahead and getting it over with. gahhhh

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I have 3 blankets and 2 throws on my bed. Of all the radiators in this house the one by my bed doesn't work. good grief

I'm getting off line and wind down. It'll be over and hour before my body will even think about letting go and going to sleep.