Bi men and aging

From what I've read from other guys here, a married bisexual man with a wife who gives him the "green light" to having sex with other men is far more fortunate than he realizes.

I've heard a lot of horror stories here, where the wife TOTALLY freaks out and has a MAJOR meltdown, when hubby tells her that he enjoys sex with other men.....it sure ain't pretty, that's for certain, and God help all involved........

 

Very fortunate. Guys are always asking how to get permission, and I'll ask them, "What are you willing to do to get it?" I also tell them, "If you're not willing to give her anything she asks for - and whenever she asks for it - well, you might not get that permission." A lot of guys find that they're not all that willing to do whatever is required for this valuable permission and they also find that offering her "all the dick she wants" might not get him the permission he wants, either.

The horror stories are real. Most women are highly offended; they feel betrayed, lied to, even cheated on even if hubby has stayed true to her. Something about him now becomes something all about her and her devastated feelings, crushed heart, feelings of inadequacy and believing the fairy tale that she's going to be all he will ever need, which presumes that if he needs something, she's duty bound to give it to him lest he get it by other means. Yes, it can get very ugly for a wife to discover that she's married to a man who likes cock or wants to like it but what is even more devastating is finding out that marriage... doesn't work the way she was told it was supposed to work.

In another posting about the price of pussy, sure, pussy can be expensive and almost prohibitively so and it's not always about cash on the barrelhead or your PayPal account but if you think that the price of pussy is high, the price for getting permission to have sex with a man can be even higher... and if you want her and some guy's cock, you're either going to pay the price or... you're fucked and not in a good way because now you've outed yourself to her. This is so hard to get that men just assume that if they ask her for it, the answer is going to be, "Oh, fuck no!" - so they don't ask.

Now, some wives set the price tag for their permission and the cock-hungry hubby says... "Deal." Now they have to sit down and work out the terms, rules and regulations that will govern behaviors and a lot of other things that can induce headaches but this, too, is part of the price to be paid to get her permission. Some wives might say, "Whatever dude; you do you..." and I don't know about them but that would worry the shit out of me and, well, there are a lot of scenarios around this but getting that highly valued permission depends on the price you're willing to pay for it and the woman you're married to because, who knows, she could be a closet freak that you didn't know about and especially when she was in college or she was one of the first prudes off the Mayflower.

For the record, when I first got permission, I didn't ask for it; she needed to get my permission and my price was... if you can do it, so can I. She was clearly not willing to pay my price and I said, "Well, if you don't or won't agree, we're getting a divorce and I'll be talking to a lawyer first thing Monday morning."

"I really don't want to do this but if you're giving me an ultimatum, then I'm leaving you no other choice in the matter. If you wanna do what you wanna do, then I can do the same thing."

She did not want to agree with my term/condition... but her need, apparently, was great so she agreed. We then sat down for a series of long, painful talks and especially about her cheating on me, why she did, who she did it with and, man, hardest fucking conversation I've ever had with anyone but we agree to terms, oh, maybe, three months later.

Yeah. It took that long to hash out the rules we realized had to be in place. Again, part of the price to be paid and it's like I told my youngest son when he confessed that he was going to cheat on his wife with another woman - he showed me the pic of her and, fuck, I would have cheated on my wife, too! - and I asked him, "Can you imagine some other guy fucking your wife stupid?"

"No, I can't," he said after a very long silence.

"Then maybe you shouldn't cheat on her," I advised.

He did it anyway. This isn't easy as asking her if you can get into sucking Brad's cock - this is about changing the whole course of your relationship and into territory that's not as well-known as some might thing. Also part of the price.

 

KD23:

Indeed, the complexities are many, the unchartered waters are deep and turbulent. and the ultimate outcome is highly unpredictable at best.

This highly-charged topic not only involves the husband/wife themselves, but also, the entire family.

Who can predict HOW they are going to deal with having a dad who's into cock as much as he is into pussy?

Again, from the accounts I have read through this discussion, things CAN (and often do) get downright ugly and violent, a true horror show for all involved.

They often say, "honesty is always the best policy".

Perhaps in most other situations, but, here, well, a married bisexual male would be wise to think things about thoroughly considering all options all the pros and cons, before "coming out" to the unsuspecting wife.....

 

"Honesty is the best policy" my left nut! Honesty can get you divorced; it can get your parental rights taken away from you; it just might make your partner cheat on you and out of spite. If you've never had a single, sex-positive conversation with your children, you are likely going to scar them for the rest of their lives to find out that their father is gay... even if he really isn't. This can be so horribly complex and the clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks that some guys resolve that it's easier to just go suck Brad's cock without telling her about it - and hoping that she never finds out. And if she does, there's no telling how she's going to react - but we all know about the worse case situation.

 

KD23:

Agreed 100%.

So much is atr state in such a situation, you wonder if it's simply safer to "go bi" discreetly on the side, without the wife knowing anything about hubby's M2M encounters.

I TOTALLY agree; in such a situation, "being honest" can indeed open a Pandora's box of unbridled horrors; literally, all hell can break lose, destroying relationships, marriages, and more........

 

In such situations, when a bisexual married guy is not 100% sure how his wife will react, if he "comes out", I think the safest course of action is simply to keep mum, and DISCREETLY seek out other men for "quality time"..........

 

Dumb as I am on this topic, even I know that, once a straight guy marries a woman, the thoughts of having "POD" ("Pussy On Demand") 24/7 quickly evaporates, when the realities of "wedded bliss" starts to hit home..........

 

Like any one of us, a bisexual married male most likely does not (during his younger days) look far enough into the future to visualize just what his life might be like when he becomes a senior of adanced years, nor what his options might be, when he reaches that stage of his life.

In all honesty, I believe most of us do not think about or senior years, that is, until we've found ourselves staring at a gray-haired stranger in our mirror, and wondering how the decades could have flown by with such alarming speed.

I also truly believe that most of us take our younger days (and good health) for granted......

 

....admire and wish well the man of advanced years (regardless of orientation) who can claim both a clean bill of health and a still admirable sex drive; sadly, not all men are so fortunate, when they reach their senior years..........

 

Shit, there was a time where I couldn't conceive being 21 or 45 in the year 2000! When you're young, you have no reason to think about what your life is going to be like when you're 60. Hell, I think I was 60 the day I looked in the mirror and wondered where the old guy looking back at me came from. Now, we get it put into our heads that when we marry, one of our wife's duties is to have sex with us and whenever want to and we have no reason to believe otherwise when, before we marry her, we're having sex like it's illegal and on our wedding night, holy shit, who knew that married pussy was better than single pussy? We think we have it made until, literally, the honeymoon is over and, as some have said, once she has your babies, you can pretty much forget getting into that pussy again and if you do, you will eventually notice that her heart really isn't in what's going on - and that's just how it can be, how affairs tend to happen, and divorces get filed and settled with no ugliness or enough of it to get TMZ's attention.

If nothing else, you really get to understand why your parents told you that life isn't fair; your wife can go get some pussy on the side but if you got some dick on the side, her lawyer will have your divorce papers delivered to you. You would think that after so many centuries and so many divorces due to charges of infidelity that we would have reinvented what being married meant so that when menopause kicks your wife to the curb, you can continue your sex life with someone else and it's all nice and legal... but we're not that grown up yet.

 

I still chuckle at how, way back when, I COULD NOT wait to turn 30!

Why?

The way I thought back then, 30 was indeed a MATURE age, and it took me from being a "kid" in his 20s to a "mature" ADULT male! (yeah, right!)

I wasn't all that enthused about turning the big 5-0, but, I ended up adapting to being a half-century old fairly quickly.

Turning 60 was ANOTHER matter, altogether!

Sadly, Mom just missed me turning 60; I can just hear what she'd say, if she were still here:

"My gray-haired baby is going to be 60."

Turning 18 (way back in 1975!) I looked forward with a lot of hope and optimism about my newfound adulthood, the wide, unlimited vista of life stretching out before me........shit, talk about a MAJOR-LEAGUE letdown!

Ahhh, how blessingly naive is youth!

 

As an adult male, I really didn't get a lot of respect until I turned 30 even though I was married with children and starting a great career. What I found ironically funny was that once I turned 30, the older men who were trying to get into my pants when I was in my 20s (and younger) just vanished and to be replaced by young, horny 18-year-olds looking for an older, experience man to show them the ropes. There were plenty of guys like me in this demographic niche and many of them were looking to have that first time - or the first time since their experimental days - so it wasn't like there weren't guys to have fun with but the guys from 40 on up?

They got ghost when I turned 30, well, except for a couple of guys and all they did was revalidate my position that everyone is fair game until they prove that they aren't.

Turning 18 was a "coming of age" moment making the jump from teenager to legal adult and while I had earned the respect of a lot of people, one woman told me, "Honey, you're not really going to be respected until you're like thirty! Come over here and eat this pussy..." As I ate her, I was disillusioned because, apparently, I was mature enough to have sex with but not all that mature to get the respect other adults garnered, worked for, expected and even demanded. She did say for me to not worry about it because that time will come for me and then she fucked my brains out. Twice. After that moment, I didn't let it bother me but it was fucked up to be interacting with the 30 to 40 group and not getting respected and all because I wasn't 30. I was talking to my mom about this and she started laughing - and that pissed me off - but we had a nice talk about 30 being the age that many consider being old enough to have earned the respect of others.

When I turned 60, my mom called me... and laughed her ass off while trying to wish me a happy birthday. She was like, "I can't believe you're sixty!" and I was like, "Well, um, weren't you there when I was born?" and we laughed some more.

I think back to being 18 and while it was recognized that I had a level of maturity that 18-year-olds weren't anywhere near achieving, having your maturity recognized isn't the same as being respected. Indeed, when I was in those early days of my life the adults around me would tell me that I was too mature for my age and I shouldn't be but, in my mind, it didn't change the fact that I was, and I was "stupid smart" according to all the tests I wound up having to take. Young, not so dumb, still full of cum and while it irked the shit out of me to be a legal adult and still being dissed, I was very much being respected due to my ability, desire, and passion to have sex so that kinda made up for it because I won't be turning 30 for quite a while... but I can make you cum and I'm very good at it.

 

KD23:

EXCELLENT post (once again) my friend!

Recall, now, the classic Rodney Dangerfield tune, "No Respect", back in the 80s?

Think, also, of how many cultures around the world actually RESPECT and CHERISH their elders; certainly, light-years removed from what is commonplace here at home......how much we can learn from our elders (if they are still with us), if we only take the time to LISTEN.........

 

I've had the chance to go to other countries and partake in their diverse cultures and some still makes me glad that I'm an American living in America when you get deep into what makes them the way they are - and it's just more proof that the things that makes us who we are is flawed and continues to go uncorrected. I kinda stopped being worried about a lack of respect so I could focus on the things I had to do to be an adult and that, all by itself, was problematic enough. Respect is only given when it is returned but it's a conundrum because if you have no respect to give, how can you get respect... to give respect?

Well, um, one way is to be good at having sex. Back in high school, I was banging this one girl and she said, "I know why you're so good at this!" and I asked, "Why am I?" and she said, "Because you're a nerd!" And... fuck, she was right. Once I started hitting every book I could get my hands on about sex and sexuality, man, I was learning so much that I'd often get headaches from cramming it all in. It was never about what - that's Having Sex 101 but the secret to having good sex is understanding why people want to have sex and the things they expect or, actually, don't know much about. I'd say that between 18 and 30, I had a lot of respect even if it wasn't all from the 40-and-older club.

Well, some of them learned to respect me, too. Learning from my elders was, more often than not, hit and miss since they all saw the world differently and many were prejudiced by things they experienced in their youth like many of them still hating Mr. Whitey and living through - and barely surviving - the residual effects of slavery. But the things I needed to learn were out there to be learned... so I did my best to learn them so that by the time I was 30, sure, now I'm being respected, and I had a good understanding of the things I still needed to do to keep being the adult I needed to be.

 

You brought up a very good point, for sure; our elders all pretty much saw and perceived the world differently from one another; I found that it was important to "glean" what I could from them, and then, focus on what they had in common, as well as the positive outlooks and views.

Indeed, while there are many beautiful aspects of foreign cultures, there are also those that are far from pleasant, and so contradictory to our own beliefs.

Even in countries where, say, "liberal" agenda mostly dominates, you can never be certain just WHAT you might encounter, an encounter you would wish to avoid, if you had the chance.......

 

I think as I age I become more comfortable with my bisexuality, more so than lasting for man sex more.

 

If you are comfortable with your bisexuality, more power to you!

 

We all have every right to be comfortable with our sexuality. It shouldn't have to be this hard. Fuck the Westboros and the chicken fast foods and the Project 2025s and the African and Ruzzian governments and all the other shitty oppressive assholes who have said millions and billions of us can't love or lust the way it comes naturally to us.