are you happy now?

^Me too. I'm pretty much always "happy" but I wouldn't call it happiness per saaayyy, more like content no matter what.

 

Yeah, what I said was probably too cerebral. Better to be innocent.

 

shrooms i hope that you can get through that, it's terrible
a friend of mine just went through it
lean on your friends, they'll be there for you
good luck and much love dear

mitten you are right, right now and almost always..i have nothing to look forward to...
i have nothing i want to work toward...

in any given moment i can be happy, i can have fun
but it's all forced and it's a falseness i want to get away from

i want to find true happiness
i suppose thats something i could work toward..i'm just so indifferent to everything

last night after a row with my boss i called up my friend to do something, he went so far as to buy me eggs to throw at my bar to make me happy
afterwards i send him a txt thanking him for the evening to which he replied "anything to make you happy"

and that got me thinking....
and thinking is a dangerous thing

 

I used to long to find true happiness. I always thought that when I got older I would experience it. Then I watched the movie The Hours. One of the characters said something that really struck a chord. I just googled the movie and found the quote: "I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then."

It made me cry when I heard that and I realized that I was wasting my life by waiting. I know that to be happy I have to make myself happy. I don't know why I used to think that people or situations would make me happy....because really they don't. People and situations can amuse you...they may amplify that euphoric feeling of happiness....but they don't cause it. You know that by the way your friend couldn't make you happy. It's not possible. It drives me crazy when relationships end because "well he/she no longer makes me happy." He or she never did to begin with.

Jess the thing I do is try to stay positive. I'm not happy with my situation in life.....BUT...I am happy that I'm alive. I'm happy that though I may have freaky health scares, for the most part I am healthy. I'm happy that I am a person that deserves to be loved and is loved. I'm happy that I have so many wonderful people in my life that I can share my happiness with. It is a state of mind - being happy. It's not some grand emotion that will consume you one day......or just something that happens. Like all things worth having happiness is something you fight for. I have to fight my own feelings of doubt, insecurity, and just plain moodiness. I REFUSE to give in to negative thoughts that ruin my happiness. I don't care if I am young....I'm not promised to live out the day. Sure there are days when I feel really low......when happiness seems unatainable. On those days I give myself a few minutes to wallow and then I start focussing on the positive and it brightens my day.

Be happy Jess. In life and love - be happy.

 

No. I have the flu and I'm having contractions.