Are You getting enough?????

Kissya, don't worry about starting over, you got the confidence to go out and kick ass through a thousand times worse. Good luck chick, even though you don't need it.

 

Thanks...

 

You might be able to dig some diamonds out of that dungheap, Tipo. I'm finding as my own situation plays out, it's looking like it's going to turn out being good for my confidence. Except for one off-kilter evening after she'd walked out, when I hacked her email and found exactly what I was afraid I was going to find, I've held my shit in the road pretty well. I'm also aware of my part in it. I really am a yeller (though never, ever, a breaker or--God forbid--a hitter). Yelling ain't good. It never settled anything. But I was raised around it, so to me it's "normal."

To be fair to myself, I don't think her reactions to my yelling were proportional. She had a very abusive father who finally walked out on his family and left her with some "issues." I wasn't much of a yeller at first, but one stupid outburst on my part led to a week of coldness on her part, and we got into a positive feedback loop. The colder she got, the shorter my fuse became, and she never forgives anything. I recently learned that one of her ex-boyfriends still refers to that trait as her "necrophilia." Her affection has a one-way ratchet built into it: lose a little, never get it back, lose a little more, never get it back, lose a little more... you get the idea. Even now, she still brings up things that happened four years ago for Christ's sake, things I've apologized over so many times that I'm just done with it.

Anyway, I'm trying to stay centered, keep a balanced perspective, remain aware that there are two sides to every story, and work on the parts where I went wrong.

Losing my temper and yelling is always, always, wrong. For many years, I prided myself on never really having had to grow up. I never even got married until I was 42 years old. But in not growing up, one of the things I failed to learn was "emotional bowel control." There is no reason ever to hose the walls with shit, no matter what someone else does.

I'm also realizing a down-side to all of this: one of the things I always wanted was someone who could take all of me, good and bad. Somebody I could let my hair down around and just... well, hose the walls with shit, if that's what I felt like doing. And now, I realize that that person doesn't exist. Shouldn't be expected to exist. It isn't fair to even ask.

That's kind of a lonely feeling. It means I have to keep myself under a certain amount of control, conceal parts of myself, even in my most intimate relationships. But I reckon that's part of growing up, and in the end, I think that'll do wonders for my self-confidence.

 

Damn. You posted that while I was writing the above, Kissya. Looks like there are quite a few of us going through this kind of shit.

You Are Not Alone.

 

I'm not getting even close to enough

 

Although I had never ever ever ever yelled at anyone in a relationship before, I found myself cussing my wife out over what she did. That was the worst thing I ever did to her and I got caught up in the guilt. Then when I found out that her new boyfriend assaulted her I felt slightly better about myself. Although I had yelled at her I had never hit her. Now I am ashamed about the reasons why I felt better.

I hear ya about the ratchet effect, my wife is definitely like that.

Although my wife denies anything ever happened when asked about any other lovers, she leaves cryptic clues in conversations such as "we were going through a bad patch" or "you were away and I needed someone to talk to". Never mind that we were going through a bad patch because one of her friends had just phoned up to boast that he was fucking her, or I was away because we'd had an argument and she'd wanted me outa the house.

 

It was the silence that got to me.....

 

Do you mean if you asked him "why?" or "since when" he would just blank you?

 

My sex life is somewhat slow over the past two weeks. Usually it's great except that my bf's dad had a stroak a week ago and before that I started my first week of school. So, eeh, it's slow and I'm about fucking tired of it!

 

I can never get enough, sorry. Can't help it.

I LOVE sex. Licking pussy, sucking tits, eating ass. FUCKING, of course.

 

Libertine, after seeing all your posts I thought you were celibate.

 

_

 

Heh, being 17 and gay in Maine = no sex life at all.

 

Imagine being straight in San Fran then.

 

Haha good point.

 

j/k

That must be horrible, are you going to pack up and leave soon?

 

Lying in a field....your sig is way disturbing on so many levels! Heh heh

 

Wow, 71 people voted terrible, I'm okay I guesse, I usually have sex at least once a month, once I go a month without sex, then I know my sex life is terrible.

 

I dont think I can ever have too much sex I always want it

 

Well, I wouldn't call being a DIY expert "terrible", but it does make it tougher to keep my feet warm.