are you an age-ist?

Long as both are of legal age what's the diff?

Many, many (prolly most) Folks in their 20's
have a helluva lot more 'baggage' / play more games than those
older in calendar years / that have been around the block more than once.

By convention it would be the opposite...... by Logic it isn't.

 

Age, At First, May Not Be An Obstacle But As You Two Grow Older With One Another, Then, There Lies The Problem. Some Needs May Go Unappointed, Unless, However, Your Partner Of Older Age Consents To Letting You Seek Your Needs Elsewhere. How Will That Affect Younger Partner Later.

Richard

 

Totally. When this all started, I knew he was older, but I didn't realize how much older. He didn't look his age. Even when I found out, I just assumed that this wouldn't last this long.

I care about him, but jeez, his vision off a perfect future and mine are very different. And like I said, he thinks 'no' means 'hassle me some more'.

If I knew then what I know now, would I do it again? I don't think so.

 

I'm engaged to a man 12 years my senior. And it seems to be working. Why? Because I stuck to some principles I have about dating, no matter the age.

Age doesn't dictate the area of life you reside in. It's life experience that does. If you're a 25 year old that's been divorced and has three kids, you're in a different area than a 31 year old that's never been married, had kids, or any other sort of real commitment.

In my situation, it works because I decided that no matter the age, I'd never date a person with children, that had been divorced, was in a settled career, etc. Because I'm not on that level. Nor did I want to be thrust into it right on the first date.

Brian's 31, never married, no children previously, no settled career, no huge jags in his life history. And that matches fairly well with my life: 20 years old, no previous relationships, no children, no career, and just one year of university under my belt.

We're a good balance because he has LIFE experience and I have EDUCATIONAL experience. He wants to go back to school one day, and I know my way around the educational system and can help him do that. And I'm fairly naive when it comes to finances, renting, insurance, etc. We do have similar goals in that we just want financial security, to achieve things in our lives, to travel.

So, I think age has nothing to do with it. It's life experience that dictates how well two persons will get along and mesh.

 

I'm a semi-ageist...

Age is less of a concern for me than what kind of mind my hypothetical partner possesses. One can be 45 years old and still have the mindset of an 8 year old - I see it all the time!


Ideally I would like to date someone my own age, though in the event that I am to get involved in a romance, I think it would most likely be with a slightly older (ie, 2-3 years perhaps) woman than myself, and I'm 19. In fact, I would have tremendous mental difficulty in dating a female younger than 18. Mentally, in most ways I feel as though I am far away from 19, and the vast, vast majority of females in my age group don't seem to have the kind of mindset that I am seeking. However, I am always open to a female who defies this, heheh.

Also, I think it's important to note that age disparities grow less important as one grows older. The difference between 14 and 19 is much greater than the difference between 27 and 32.

 

we invent ages in this forums so ages are irrelative here.

 

Well, 12 years is nothing compared to what I got myself into. Shiiiiiit.

Also, I had everything figured out when I was 20, too. People grow apart, though. I'm not saying you and your man will. I'm just saying it happens. I have changed so much since I was your age. If you had asked me then if my priorities and opinions about some things would change, I probably wouldn't have thought so. But they have.

You just never really know.

And that's part of the problem I've had with getting involved with someone waaaaay older than me. I changed and grew and he just grew older. He hasn't really changed. He was already set in his ways when I came along. I can't go back to the way I was, though, because life has happened in the meantime and I've changed.

As you get older, though, I think 12 years becomes less significant. 12 years right now wouldn't freak me out.

 

Amen.

 

i think hippyfreak is onto something

"So, I think age has nothing to do with it. It's life experience that dictates how well two persons will get along and mesh."

 

I have noticed that dudes who like younger chicks don't want them after they get a little older. Like, the same guys who dated 18 or 19 year olds when they were 27 still dates 18 or 19 year olds now that they're 35. It's even more true for those "adult" men dating minors. They don't want an adult woman, they want a little girl for whatever reason of their own. I'm not saying that everyone who date people very different in age has that kind of baggage, but many of them do.

I didn't vote yet... I'd rather die lonely than be back in the dating game. But I don't think I'd be very comfortable with more than a 6 or 7 year age difference, in either direction. It really depends on the person, can we talk, does he make me laugh. When you get older, having good conversation and a sense of humor become way more important than how old someone is, what they look like, or even the sex.

 

We both know that I'm still maturing, that I will change. It's inevitable.

But it's also important to HIM that he makes something of himself, to try new things, to go to school at some point, to improve his life. Which is why I didn't think someone set in a career would be an appropriate choice for me.

He's not so set in his ways as other 30somethings might be. And I think that helps. And if I ever get frustrated because I'm growing and he doesn't seem to be, we'll talk about it.

I didn't want to sound as if I thought my relationship was perfectly matched. I know there are still flaws, and things could still end, but I really do think that acknowledging the possibility of the negatives but focusing on the positives is a good way to look at things

 

There's 9 years between me and my husband, and for exactly 3 weeks it's 10 years. It can be a problem once a blue moon, eg... Me "Let's do this", Him "I did that ten years ago".
Otherwise, we get along fine.

 

I have definitely seen that happen.
I know someone who is 30 and only recently started dating women who are of legal age. At least I hope he is. (He moved away.) I know he did. Anyway, he kept getting older, but his girlfriends were always around 14 or 15. As soon as they got 17 or 18, suddenly, he can't work it out. Because this someone is a relative of mine, and I did not want him to do this or go to jail, my family and I tried to intervene with this one girl several years ago. (After that he stopped bringing his GFs around us). SHe just insisted that she needed a guy his age because the guys her age were so immature. I don't think so. Then she got older and he moved on to another youngster.

That's icky. I thought it was icky before, but now that I have kids. Yeah, ick.

That's the truth. If you put all my exes in a room, the only pattern you'd see is that they're male. LOL. Looks had little to do with it. And the nicer someone is, the more compatible we are, the more appealing they are to me.

 

Yeah, it sounds like in spite of the age difference you guys are at a similar place in your lives. That's not like my stupid situation.

The older you get, the less a few years matters. It depends a lot on the person, too. Some people never grow up. Some people grow up too fast.

 

Im 45 and my fiancee is 25, I dont have a problem with it, neither does she.

 

right now i would only date someone a year younger than me. Older is fine. I think I just like older guys, but 35 is probably the oldest i would go.