Am I Good Enough?

Aww that is sad..i'm afraid of totally loosing my father..somedays I feel this vibe that he doesn't want to live and it scares me..because I want to know him..and i want to get close to it but it's hard..alot of personal things i have to work past. I'm glad you liked the poem..and thanks for the compliment

 

"Dance"
Wispy little feet,
all tied up; one step here.
Two steps there. Try not to stumble,
and try not to fall.
Pick yourself up and try again.
Piroutte across the floor.
Sashay-sashay. Speed it up; keep with time.
And one-twirl, two-twirl, three-twirl; STOP.
Perfect posture, perfect stance, keep those legs straight; but don't let them lock up!
One more time..

 

your poems are pretty good.
i especially love the ones about shackles.
"confined", perhaps?
you should read some of mine
and let me knwo what you think, okay?

 

pitter patter,
pitter patter,
pitter patter,
like the rain falling from the sky.
I'm waiting,
waiting,
waiting,
for my epiphany to shatter.
Shatter through the barrier,
into the threshold of waking consciousness.
I'm unable to understand the unconscious encoding.
It all looks like computer data, written in binary code.
And can't forget the chemical equations.
Just waiting for it all to click and come to light.
Waiting,
waiting,
waiting.
Pitter Patter,
Pitter patter,
pitter patter..

 

i think you are a briliant bitch why do you think your dad wants to give up? What's he doing that's hurtin him ?

 

why thank you.
I think he wants to give up because he's diabetic and doesn't take his medicine like he should and he eats a ton of sugary foods and things..and plus he's blatantly said that he doesn't want to live..so yeah..

 

Mmmm babe,,,I feelin ya there.
It's so sad cuz you are right. My exwife is fullblown diabetic, hep c, chronic pancreatitis, hooked on morphine Rx for almost three years, alcoholc, cigarette smoker.
I don't even understand how she's alive.
I don't speak with her to much anymore but the children (four) ages 16, 18, 20, and 22 talk withme about her sometimes.
It's got them all fucked up too.
People lose hope.
My ex told me that it was easy to Not Care....once you have given up on living.
Wow.
Justagrrl420 Peace&Love to you so much.
PM me if you ever wannna talk straight up about life and stuff.

Paul

 

"Don't Let Me"

Don't let me forget to say good bye.
Or to say I love you.
Don't let me forget to say that I'll always be with you.
Don't let me forget to smell the flowers,
to cherish the Earth.
Don't let me forget to stop and take a deep breath and forget about the mundane world.
Don't let me forget to laugh and smile.
To hug and kiss the ones I love.
Don't let me forget to be me, because if I'm not me, then who would I be.

 

You work, go to school, both or neither ?

 

This is my favorite one so far.

 

OleFlower: I'm a fulltime college student..
and thanks gib..

"Crashing Waves"

Swoosh,
crash,
swoosh,
crash,
the echo of the waves coming and going as I sit and watch the foamy water creep closer to where I lay.
Staring up at the sky as I watch the moon turn to sunlight; thoughts creep into my mind. And I can't help but wonder.
Why am I here? What is my purpose?
the waves echo in my brain, penetrating my very essence.
"Listen closer" I feel it say. So I close my eyes and meditate on the sounds I hear around me. What am I listening to? I begin to wonder about creation and the very nature of why are we here? And is God pulling on strings and turning me into a puppet, to think and act the way he wants me to act? Does he already know what I'm going to do before I do it? Is that not creepy to you? Someone who already knows where you're going in life and what you are going to be. Or maybe it's the fates pulling on my strings, guiding me here and there. Taking away some lines of strings, and adding more for the path I'm on. Can I never go back? Can I not change and go down those other paths? How would I do that? It'd probably be too hard to sit and wonder. Underneath the stars and moon.

 

Maybe Your thoughts are your gods.
Maybe You are 100 % responsible the heaven or hell that you live in.
Maybe You grasp and hold and cling to things and people you have no power over
You suffer and despair
You create or destruct.... resurrect or burn your own existence Justagrrl420
What pulls your strings is your thoughts which precede your actions consciously or subconsciously,
not a god that is mocking you with it's own agenda
Nothing is to hard for you unless you think it is.
You can go anywhere you want Justagrrl420.....
But you know not where it is you really want to go maybe ?
Lots don't.
Without great dreams and visions of who we are as gods and goddeses ,,,,
we can't make it to our Heavens because we haven't created them yet.
Never underestimate the Moon and Stars to guide you along the path you choose this season of your amazing life.
You have great power Justagrrl420. Do you know that yet ? It's not just madness or sadness or lostness.
Write your wildness and fly anywhere
Release your sadness and die anywhere.
Your power is ALL the power that created everything
It's in you right now.
How do you get to it girl ?
That's the question ...........

 

"Lazy Days"

I've forgotten what it's like to sit outside.
My worlds running 75 miles per hour.
I barely have time to tie my shoes.
I long to hold a fishing rod between my tiny fingers.
And day dream my day away on the sweet North Carolina banks.

I haven't been fishin' in 5 long years.
The last time I was just a wee little girl.
But I had fun out on the river bank,
fishing until it was way past midnight.
Talking away to my older cousin.
He must've been tired of listening to me!

So I went to our tent and slept for the night,
on the river banks of North Carolina.
I haven't been back to visit the bank.
Shortly after that day, my great-grandmother died.
She said I looked like I was a tiny little baby-doll.
And those words still echo in my mind.

Oh how I long to sit and bait a hook.
It's funny how when I was little I never could.
I'd look at my dad like he was crazy.
"No girl would ever do that!" I said.
And he looked at me and sighed,
and baited my hook for me.
And whenever I caught a fish (which was a rarity)
He'd take and unhook the fish for me.

But those days have long since faded away.
I'm grown up now, and can bait my own hook.
I'm not afraid to get dirty or rough.
I actually like being considered "One of the guys".
I want to play a drinking game and out drink all my guy friends.
Hey Hey!
So let's go out and fish along the banks in Manteo,
or Edenton, it doesn't matter to me! A fish is a fish,
aslong as it's not eaten by me!

 

I hate this world,
no more like despise this world.
What the hell is wrong with people?
Homeless people on the streets,
and hardworking people struggling to make a dime.
What the fuck is wrong with this place?
When we let children suffer and say it's for the benefit of man.
When we degrade people to begging for cash and living in boxes.
Just because they can't keep up. But maybe they where never given a chance.
I thought we where all equal in this "free world."
Equal only if we have money?
Money to pad the aristocratic minds of today.
Who sip on bacardi in their yachts on the water and piss life away.
I'm tired of all the suffering in this world.
I'm just really sick of it all..why can't we fix this mess?
Is it really all that hard?

 

Fix your own world first....if you can
When your Love for yourself fills you completely up....
your Self Love will overflow and come out in a way that will heal the world as you know it,
First you.

 

Blast from the past, aka, I'm at home and I found my poetry folder with my poems from '99-'04. If I haven't mentioned before that my poems aren't what a normal teenager would've written then here goes..hahha

"Crystal Raindrops (Boys Don't Cry)"

I see the crystal raindrops forming in your eyes, but all you do is wipe them away and tell me that boys don't cry. I try not to get too emotional, but I know that you want to cry even though you say you don't. I hate seeing a friend hurting, I wish I could kiss your heart and make you feel better. But I know I can't. I look to you as a friend, that I love so much, I wish I could take the pain all for you.

Yeah, baby they say that boys don't cry that pain makes them stronger. But sweetie you're living a lie if you believe for one minute that boys don't cry. Everyone cries, that's what makes the pain and betrayal go away. Your eyes are raindrops, your hearts been broken, and I wish that Icould be that crystal that you see through those eyes. You'll find someone else that can make you feel better, that can treat you like the wonderful person that you are.

"Child"

I am just
a child
with no feelings
staring at my wounds

I am just
a child
staring
out my
window
I'm in a
cage
a cage of
despair
an I'm
drowning
in a stream
of tears.

I am just
a girl
with
hair ribbons ~~(><)~~
and small
little dresses
with teddy bear print
tied down
with my life
passing by

Your scared
that I
will
leave
your
hold

I'll dress
up as a
beautiful
butterfly
spread my
wings and
fly
then I
won't be
just a
child
anymore

I am
your
daughter
your
young adult
trying to
break
free
from
this cocoon

I am
not just
a child
I am
a woman
open
your
blind
eyes
and see
the
truth
...f
.....a
.......l
.........l
before
you

"Sixteen"

Today I turned sixteen.
Sixteen candles covered in vanilla icing,
with fudge cake trapped underneath.

Today I get the keys,
and where will I drive to?
The edge of the world; or
maybe I'll run away to
find my charming prince.

I don't know,
but reality's such a bore.
I'm going to go watch t.v.!

 

"A Sharp Pain Called Life"

Mirror, mirror on the wall;
shatter, break, and fall.
I see my image, I see myself,
and I see the pain of my childhood past.
The pain of being teased, a sharp pain
of self inflicted hurt.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but who ever said names would never
hurt me was lying.
Unjustified pain, no self worth.
Scarred with pain, and scarred with hurt.
Dear Lord help me I'm falling in a deep
dark hole. Catch me Lord before I fall
into the darkness of this world. Lift me up into the heavens,
because my life isn't
worth living anymore.

I can't breath, I'm suffocating.
Is someone going to call an ambulance?
I hear voices calling my name, but I'm too weak to say a word.
My breath is slowing down, I feel like I'm choking. Someone save me!

Darkness is upon me, the voices are gone.
Where did everybody go?
Great I can hear them, but they seem very
far away.

The ambulance is here, what are they saying?
Did he just tell me to hang on, and I'm going to make it?
I feel like I'm slipping, slipping away from the world.
Slipping, slipping far away.
Somebody catch me before I slip away for good.

Please momma don't cry,
I will always be with you.
Dad be strong,
don't weep for me because I'm not gone.
Lil bro, I wish I could be there to help
you with your homework.
Always listen to mom and dad because
they know what they're talking about.
Friends,
don't cry because life goes on.
World don't weep,
because it's the balance,
people die and people live
and life goes on.

(written 1/30/2000 @ age 13) Wow I can't believe it's been that long!

"Sand Castles"
Laughing, smiling
Waves splashing.
Sun's a glowing,
feet in the sand.
Giggles.

Warmth on your skin.
happiness is around.
Face to the sun.
it's shining on my skin.

Happy and free
Hands in the air
Laughing, loving,
and building sand castles.

"Roses are Crimson Red"

I prick my finger,
and let it run.
So I can show you how crimson red
can be the color of a rose.

Let my jagged heart,
rip the petals apart
and show them that my heart's immune
to all the bull you've put me through.

My unpure soul,
with all my secrets,
flowing through the river
of my mind.

Bitter despair
makes me feel hollow,
filthy, and dark inside.

If I set my
my soul free,
I'd be setting a
wild untamed
beast free.

Can you take
my heart, shred
it apart? Take
my soul and twist
it some more?
Could you use me
some more for
all your sick pleasures?
Kill my very being
and don't give a damn?

Can I ask you this,
can I do this to you, what you've done to me?

"Untitled"
Clean my hands,
take away my pain.

When the only comfort
I know is my razor blade.

And slowly it's turning into my enemy;
just like food.

Can never be good enough.
Can never be pretty enough to have you near.

With my heart trapped and my soul burned.

Angel or devil?
Who's the friend, who's the foe?

I'm trapped, fading fast.
looking for the nearest exit.
but it's too far gone.

 

i really appreciate your writings, whether good or not, because you do it to try and show how you feel. not enough people want to really let their feelings loose anymore. it's a shame

 

Isn't it amazing that your poetry changes so much through the years? It grows with your mind and your soul through experiences both good and bad. I enjoyed some of your ideallic early poems as much as the latter poems that reflected some of the darker experiences since.

You're very prolific, which indicates your poems are your journal, which is good. Your life comes out through your writing.

I've enjoyed reading them. Thanks.

 

i like "child".
made me think of my inner child.
and my actual former child self.
thanks, made me smile.
it made my day