am I an awful gf?

Yep this is 100% true. The ex I referred to above is Tatar -Russian. His grandfather was Muslim while his parents were both Russian Christian. In fact he didn't even move to the US until he was 15, in 1999. I'm totally American. The cultural differences are a huuuuge part of lifestyle / household expectations.

 

If you want to imply that I don't do that you are wrong. I just don't put my resume with it.

Dude, I've read in several topics that you want a domestic goddes. What I am saying in the last 2 posts here is that you don't have to get into your whole life and own preferences for 2 reasons: 1) You have shared them already 2) What use are they this time in regards to the op. I was just thinking I read a dejavu.. Same with your view on purely cerebral focussed work which sounded not only condescending but was actually not useful to the thread at all. Of course you are still free to share anything you want, I don't have to tell you that (after all I do the same)

Not harsh at all. But you must be a selective reader.

 

I know a few Russians and they do like to stick with a lot of the culture that they were raised in. And when they travel somewhere with a different culture they go into a culture shock... It is all a matter of understanding the person and what background of a culture he/she grew up in!

 

I like reading his domestic preferences. Its helpful to read getting to know him, since I won't be going back several years of archives to read all his posts, it also gives credence in understanding why he says what he does when he does. People apply personal stories to advice and conversation. He talks about his preferences, there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Yeeesss 100% true again. The Russians are very insulated from my experience. His parents were so nice, and very FOB and culture shocked even after 10 years in America. I think a lot of that has to do with the iron curtain and not being exposed to other cultures for 2 generations. I mean look at Russia today, they still don't allow people to be out in public and the band pussy riot was jailed for months. They are super conservative. And nothing wrong with that either, imo, if it works for them.

But this isn't about Russians obviously. Just a nod to cultural differences within expectations. I get the impression OP is of Latin descent.

 

If only that was the case

I agree but when you read it time and again you just notice it.. and this time I wondered what he was adding for the OP because most of it I've read before. Except his ramblings about bigger dependance on cerebral jobs, that was new I think.

 

The OP sparks the conversation of gender specific roles within the home. Unless you see it as simple as whether she should do his laundry, the cerebral vs labor debate for men & women is valid here.

 

I doubt that it is about Russians. Though a lot of communities that come from a "Third World Country" as what the governments of the rich countries would refer to it.... Are with more rules and strict Cultures. And I am speaking of experience because I come from an Arab culture Which is not that far from Russian or Latin cultures.. Maybe the clothing is different but a lot of the same mental cultural thinking is shared. That is what I have came to notice from being raised in a multi cultural country!

 

I do the laundry and the cooking because I'm not really busy and no one else knows how to cook. I want to eat good food, so I have to make it. My fiance always lets me know that I don't have to do any of that stuff, and that's why I do it. The minute it becomes expected of me is when it goes from being something I like to do, to a chore. He cleans up after himself, does dishes, etc. If you're not both doing equal parts in the relationship, you'll start to resent each other.

 

All I've seen you post about regarding your own life is video games, you don't have a job, sitting on a hill drinking beer when it's a sunny day (which, granted, is probably extremely rare where you are), and growing weed.

So what exactly is your resume? How do you feel about the original topic? In which ways do you want to provide for your future family? Would you want to worry about laundry if you are gone 10-15 hours per day making enough money to support a good quality of life for you family?

What do you want to do with your life?

And you suck at insults. Get better, seriously. If you're so tired of reading about things that are pervasive throughout my life and therefore are integral in a lot of my thoughts/posts, either come at me with some substance.. or use that feature here called block user.

 

No he does not sound ridiculous, and I feel he's speaking toward a trend in the ratio of entitled women(I'd like to add men too to this) vs down to earth realistic pragmatic people.

I think the latter is shrinking and the former growing and this is partly because Generation Y, as kids were told that they were "special" and during the good economic times of the 90's these individuals were heavily consumerized.


So yes I get what people mean when they say there is an increase in gold-digging women and men.

 

Thank you, you understood my main point.

Meh you got the gist of what I meant about money being artificial...it's worthless in a doomsday scenario....skills and know-how are what will ALWAYS matter more.

 

I think that's what women hear, and the tone this guy is using is out of line and disrespectful...THAT'S the issue.

But a valid POV, that the male could possibly be having here is that he doesn't feel that his partner is supporting him. A partner not pulling their own weight in a relationship is a problem.

But instead of discussing it like rational adults they're stuck in a debate about gender roles and ideologies in probably the same amount of time the verbal debate happened the task that started it all could probably have been done.


I know that some men make the literal comparison that their boss will tell them to do immoral things on the job or else, they do them despite personal objections, and so they get mad when their girlfriend's or spouses counter is that that don't "like" doing a certain household task and that's why it wasn't done while he was at work.

It pisses the men off because to them the defense from the woman is something they gut out everyday.

If the woman works and also brings in money though then sometimes men like the hubby will respect why tasks aren't done and lay off the criticism.

---

Note these aren't my personal views I'm just playing devil's advocate to explain the male thought process behind situations like this:


My personal thoughts go along seeing a task that needs to get done and doing it, and not caring who did what or gender roles....equal point values are assigned to each task which are awarded too the person who did them, and the person with the highest point value that month gets something like a specific sexual favor or a point to monetary value exchange for:

1. A date

2. A specific restaurant

3. Shows/movies

4. Clothes

5. Electronics

 

There have always been gold diggers. Just because that guy can't get laid or get a girlfriend, does not mean that women as a whole function this way.

The only guys who makes blanket generalizations like that are the ones who are chronically girlfriend-less.

And this is one of the reasons why I do what I do. Not because I will be more likely to survive in a doomsday scenario, but because I can control my own income and future, and not wind up 'laid off' because a couple guys in suits in a different city decided my position could be merged with another department. In other words work for someone else as long as I want, or start my own independent business.

So we come full circle to my outlook not being in danger of obsoletion. But anyway.

 

I actually do all the cooking for my wife and 4 kids. I love it. I hate having to clean up though. They all should do the clean up. Screw that old fashioned crap. I am as old fashion as they come. However, I hate my wife doing my laundry because I want it done the way I want it done. However, I don't like how she cooks either. But she insists on doing all the laundry, but refuses to fold and put away towels. Now that's is kind of fucked up. Why insist on doing all the laundry, but not put the towels away. Somethings I don't get. Fact is, if he demands you do the laundry, add a pair of pink socks to the whites. He will get the message. Pile his shit up by the washer. He will get it. You can be old fashioned and still do laundry. My 85 yo Dad cooks cleans and does laundry. No reason anyone less than that age should not be able to do the same.

 

Ok, play his game. Expect him to be an old fashioned husband and bring home the bacon while you do housework and play.

 

Exactly we see eye to eye on that last bit.


But I still stand by my point that there does seem to be an increase in the gold digging mentality in the younger generational crowd, in a sense that we have NOT seen in the past.

I'm am not saying the over generalization the OP is, but I am spotlighting the foundation of the stereotype and unlike the OP I'm saying it applies to both genders. Guys are taking longer to find themselves and mature, girls are demanding stuff, both genders are inconsiderate to coworkers, especially older coworkers I've noticed.

And the gold digging mentality is just a sub-branch of the larger philosophy of I'm entitled...I'm inherently better than...I make the rules YOLO, attitude.

 

So.... OP, take a good look at his family, his parents, his upbringing and you will see what he is "used to" far as family life. It should paint a pretty clear picture. My wife and I do have an old fashion relationship, I work & she is a stay at home mother, but up until being a mother she worked as well. So prior to her becoming a mother and staying home we did share a lot of the household chores although she's a much better cook than me so that pretty much became her gig.

However since then and since being a stay home mother she's pretty much taken on all the roles of a housekeeper (laundry, cleaning, food prep, etc...), yeah I mow the lawns, fix things and do my part, but by large her's is larger than mine because I'm at work all day.


So, I'd say this. At this point you are his GF, not his wife, so if anything this should be an indication of what he expects from a wife, so if this nothing you want to be part of long term, then get out. You are not going to change years of upbringing imbedded in him, so don't even bother trying. Now that said and on the other hand, if he can go to work and make enough bank such that you don't have to work and that's how you prefer things, then yes I'd expect that you would take on the house hold work as you can't just sit there, watch TV and get your nails done and expect that to be contributing either... So ask yourself if you are a "corporate" type woman or want to be in the work force, then the common house hold tasks need to be shared. If he can't come to terms with that or you as a working woman then get out now!

 

Shroom, is it worth to stay with him? If he's already like this now, imagine if you stick together.

I hope you find a solution to your relationship.

_________________
This discussion about who has the most terrible job reminds me of something that happened between me and my husband.

I have the perfect job. The money is good and it allows me a lot of free time and vacation. To me, it's perfect. I also find it a very easy job.

I was so happy about it, my husband decided he wanted the same job. He followed night courses for 3 years to get a diploma allowing him to have a similar job. Not the same, but something with almost the same free time and vacation. Pay was less, but he's used to make less money than me.

So, he got the job. One year later, he moved back to his job. He found it the worst job he had ever had in his life. He got physically and psychologically sick of it. Actually, he didn't stay a whole year at it, but resigned even before that.

So, it's pretty stupid to compare jobs. Different people will like different things.

I don't understand people who think they have miserable jobs. Why do they stay at it? You can always move to something else. I've changed jobs several times till I found what I really liked. So did my husband. I know other people who move jobs looking for something better. And you can study to improve your chances.

Now, on the topic of housework, nobody should be forced to do it. I also don't like domestic work. I find cooking and cleaning very unpleasant. But I do like to cook for my husband sometimes, because he loves to get home and find his dinner ready, and I love to please him. However, I only do it when I'm in the mood.

He is, of course, free to divorce and look for a housewife anytime he pleases. I believe in freedom. Nobody is forced to stay, and he could even keep the house and stuff, because I'm very minimalistic and can buy other property. When he moved in with me, I've warned him I don't cook, don't iron and don't clean. I've proposed separated houses. It was his choice to move in, and he had to insist a lot. I was happy, because I love him, but I've never forced him to stay.

Sex, on the other hand, I've never denied.

 

If you truly love him and want to serve him it will provide you much pleasure to look after your man. If not, maybe you are not ready to commit to him fully. He will no doubt serve your needs in other areas of life. Make the decision if he is for you or not, and if he is then do whatever he asks of you and he will appreciate you more. Harmony.