Advice for a secretly bi guy?

Perhaps I did, but you didn't exactly make it clear that you were joking, and from the previous things you said, I just naturally assumed that you were being serious. You said blend in by pretending to be something you're not, now me and everyone else took that to mean giving in to them. I mean, take me for example. My life could have been an awful lot easier if I had just accepted the "male" tag that was chosen for me. But "easier" doesn't necessarily equate to "happier". Sure, I might have gotten less hassle from people, but I'd have been disgusted at myself at the things I would had to have done to ensure that. From a very young age, I identified as being female, and refused to pretend to be someone I'm not in order to get other's approval. Though I was obviously different anyway, so I'd probably have got the same abuse at any rate, especially while still in school. When I was finally told that my genetic makeup is mostly female, I felt totally vindicated, not that I'd ever have felt any different even without that knowledge.

I knew fine well that trying to "fit in" wouldn't have made me happy, so I didn't do it. Im not happy now, but pretending to be someone Im not would have required a lot more effort on my part. I think lots of people who are different from the norm try and "blend in" so they don't get harassed, but living a lie carries it's own strains, as many people who have done so have attested to. This is why I was counteracting your points. Compromising yourself to "fit in" doesn't make you happy, and anyone who does think that, is in for a major wake up call. At least I've always remained true to myself, and that is one thing I am proud to say.

I think true love does exist, but those who are able to find it, are very lucky. And it's safe to say, me and people like me would find it even harder to aqquire than most people. Sometimes I think I am better off being alone, when I see all these couples splitting up, getting divorced, and all that sort of thing. I definitely know I made the right decision in remaining alone, and I do not regret it. However, if I said the lack of romantic love in my life didn't hurt me, I would be lying. Ironically, I think being born this way has by default, made me a very accepting, open minded, and loving person. It is ironic, because while I am very capable of showing love, I am denied the opportunity to show it, and that is hurtful. The one thing I haven't let bullies do, is rob me of my caring nature. Though it has made me very cynical about the human race in general.

 

idk.. I was on drugs when I conformed..to be honest.. i'm happier than i've ever been. Because the simple fact I'm still trying figure out who I am. I was on drugs from 9th grade till I graduated. So I really don't really have any clue who I am, But i'm slowly figuring it out. Most of my threads are about using drugs again to get a deeper meaning of my life. Because it this moment in time i'm having difficulties and what not. I don't want to blame it on the fact that I don't know who I am. I see that as the least of my problems. I have a couple of good bestfriends. And a really supportive family. I really couldn't ask for anything else.

I mean, I used to think my high school years were great, but I came to realize people weren't laughing with me. They were laughing at me due to the fact I was the school druggie and what not..

Listen, One thing I know about love is that it doesn't exist. I'm sorry to say that. Love for a child or for a family member does. But true love for a total stranger is just media bullshit. The media has made us think we do have someone out there. And that we can fall in love at first sight. But its impossible. At least from all the experiences i've had. Ha.

 

I retract my earlier statements.

 

To be honest. I've never been more confused in my life. I mean. I haven't completely gotten over my ex. Its been 2 years and I still suffer.. cause I can still hear those words from her mouth everyday. "I'll never leave you no matter what and I love you so much!" And now to think she is with someone else.. he has a kid.. and she calls her mommy.. she treats every guy the same. Goes out with them for a couple of months. Says she loves them. Then starts revolving her life around them till she gets tired of them. Ha. I can't believe I fell for it. I can't believe I almost took my life for that ungrateful whore! I hate her so fucking much. I wish so many things on her, AND her family. They put me through hell. One day, it will come back on them., Ha.

I also have a disfunctional family. Which has caused me to start smoking pot again. After I swore i would never touch it ever. But they are very supportive of me.

Idk. Just so many fucked up things in my life I'M trying to fix all by myself it seems and its NOT WORKING! I'm just ready to throw my hands up and so fuck this so called life. Ha.

Any friend i've ever had has pretty much only used me for money or drugs. And the ones that haven't, have a girl and they are fucking whipped. So they have to do pretty much anything she tells them too. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Maybe because of, or even in spite of my condition, I've always known who I am. I realised very quickly that how I saw myself, was not how others saw me. And that has caused me a lot of distress and unhappiness. Having the condition itself is traumatising and confusing enough, but the attitudes of others just piles on the misery, and has made life quite unbearable at times. My family has been anything but supportive, and I pretty much ostracised myself from my extended family a few years ago. It was a mutual thing really. Nothing was said, but I knew, and they knew that being in each others life wasn't going to work. I've only had one friend, but I've pretty much lost him to mental illness, which Im sure was brought on by years of drug abuse. I was offered drugs, but I never took them. And seeing the effects they had on him, made me very glad about that decision. Sometimes I would like to numb the pain, or forget about my miserable existance. But Ive never seen drugs or anything like that as the answer.

When I was at high school, I was laughed at by most of the other kids. Even without me saying anything, it was very clear that I was different to the others. And I was taunted and bullied a lot for that. Being the only non-catholic in a catholic school was also a source of the negative attitudes I suffered. I think this is partly why I became so anti-religion, or at least anti-organised religion when I got older. Religion is used to divide people, not bring them together, and my school experiences had at least a role to play in me not wanting anything to do with religion.

It is fair to say, that my experiences have made me very cynical about the human race. I do however, believe that true love for a stranger does exist. The only thing I know, is that I will never find it in any case. I am a loving, giving person, and that is something that has never changed, regardless of the terrible way I've been treated by most of society. It does make me sad that a lot of people who don't really deserve happiness can aqquire it easily, and I've never been happy, and more than likely, never will be. One thing life has shown me, bad things regularly happen to good people, and good things regularly happen to bad people. In a way, it makes me hope that karma does exist, because it can be soul destroying at times.

 

Yea. Drugs fuck everything and everyone up in the long run. 99% of people who do them think they can stop anytime they want to. But its not like stopping cigarettes or something. Its deeper. And if you let it, it takes over your life. Pretty soon, you eat, think and breath drugs. No matter what it be.

That prolly is the reason your against religion. When people try to force it upon you, most of the time it can only make matters worse. Especially at a young age. I guess the reason I'm so religious, is when I was little, if i did anything bad, My parents would tell me about going to hell. And stuff. And I went to church because my brother would always take me.. So it just seemed normal. I thought it was normal. Who knows what normal is anyway?

I AGREE! All these cold hearted and bad people get everything. The money, the power, the love, and other shit life has to offer. Its sickening to think about all the people that gave me a hardtime in school has a good life because their parents are rich and know people. They have a job, a licens[even though they've gotten 120832 duis], the girl. Ha they have it all. And I can't get that for shit. I'm actually having to work my way up to get a job. I'm actually have to get a education to fuckin get one. My license got taken away when I was riding with someone while I was drunk. Now i have to pay 500 dollars in all to get them back. Every girl that I know, Is either a whore, stuck up, or into guys who do bad shit and that will hurt them. Ha. But I'm psychic.. and all these people i know that have it all now.. won't have it all later on down the road. :]