Advice for a secretly bi guy?

I retract my earlier statements.

 

I respect your view point, but he can not be someone hes not. In other words, he has to go with (his own) flow, and see where the road my take him. Your right, we can't do everything we wish to do, but we sure can do a lot of which we desire to do.

 

Again, horrendous advice, and bordering on condoning other's narrow mindedness and bigotry. A gay guy can force himself to act straight, but he will NEVER be straight. The reason why so many LGBT people kill themselves is because they are too scared to be themselves, and cannot face the huge strain of a lifetime of living a lie, and pretending to be someone they're not just to gain other's acceptance and approval. You don't seem to realise, the narrow-minds. and bigots of society are the ones that are in the wrong. And pandering to those bullying mindsets is basically saying they are in the right. Which is exactly what you are doing. LGBT people are more than 3 times more likely to attempt/commit suicide than non-LGBT people. By saying pandering to the bullying mentality is the best way to fight it, you are really no better than the bullies themselves, because you are condoning it. It is the bullys, and narrow-minded society who need to change their ways, NOT people who have done nothing wrong, except be born different to the norm.

Most christians are hypocritical, and don't live by Jesus' example. And organised religion, (In particular, Christianity and Islam) is the main cause of wars/narrow-minded ness and bigotry in our world.

Oh, don't tell me what people go through, I know it all far too well, and from personal experience. I am an intersex woman, though for most of my life I just felt like a female trapped in a male's body. You can only imagine the inner turmoil I have experienced due to that, and the added suffering I've been made to endure, because of others' uncaring, ignorant, bigoted attitude towards me. Believe me, I have seen enough people live a lie their whole lives deep into adulthood, and then end up snapping and either end up being themselves, or killing themselves, because the massive strain of putting on a total facade and living a lie for so long purely for others' benefit has just become too much for the person. So again, on the surface, your advice seems okay, but really, living a lie definitely is not the easy option. As many people who have tried to do that have found out the hard way, through bitter experience. I have never tried to live a lie, but I have seen enough other people doing that to know that in the long run at least, it is a terrible idea. People who think living a lie is the easy option, is kidding themselves. And sooner or later, the pressure of doing that for so long, will cause the person to snap.

Now we are really getting to the bottom of this. "Don't make a choice"? The big problem here, is gay people don't choose to be gay. You can't help it if you're attracted to your own sex. So, for most people, being gay is not a choice. So you talking about "choices" and decisions" is a load of nonsense. Do you think if I had a choice, I would have chosen to feel like a woman in a man's body? Or be born with a condition that led doctors to mutiliate me at a very young age to make me appear one sex to appease the bigoted, narrow minded society you seem to think has to be accepted, and people just have to go along with it? No, I wouldnt have chosen either of those things. And yes, my life has been terrible, but I also wasn't naive enough to believe that pretending I was a man, would either 1, make me a man, or 2, make my life any easier. Opressing yourself and hiding your true feelings is not the same thing as changing yourself, or getting rid of those feelings. Because the latter is not possible. People are misguided into thinking that living a lie for a long time, will eventually "cure" them of the thing that society seems to have a massive problem with. But it does not. It just leads to inner turmoil, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Making yourself appear normal, might make the outside world think you are okay, and happy, but just because other people are not aware of your internal suffering, does not mean it is not there. Am I happy? No. Have I had a good life? No. But I know one thing, if I had tried to live a lie to appease others, I would not be alive today. I knew fine well I could not live like that, and if I had tried to, I would have killed myself a long time ago. And Id rather be unhappy and miserable on my terms, than pretending to be someone I'm not just to appease society yet still suffering horribly on the inside.

Oh, and comparing serial killers to bi/gay people is just ludicrous. People choose to be serial killers, gay people don't choose to be gay. And don't tell me you're giving him the advice because you have "seen what people go through". I have lived a lifetime of misery, and been treated like a leper and a freak for being who I am, (including by my own family) and I still say your advice is terrible. By saying those bigoted mindsets have to appeased to make you happy, you are by default, endorsing those mindsets. And bigots are the last people the OP needs advice from. Hiding your misery and suffering from other people doesn't mean it's not there. If you are not suffering due to your decision, then you are not really gay/bi and never were. It was probably just a phase. (thats if it even existed at all) Therefore, you are not in a position to be giving anyone who really is those things advice.

 

You just have a closed mind. Thats all. I was comparing a serial killer to being bi. everyone is pretty much telling me be whatever you want to be. So if you like killing people, why not be a serial killer? Do you understand yet? lol

 

No dude your cool. I don't really call this arguing. I call it a debate. Everybody is fine.

 

1. You have to have the willpower to get through it. Otherwise, I consider you weak. But not in every case is someone weak. You must have the support of other rathers than lone wolfing it. I could have been bi. But I CHOSE NOT TO. And i'm happier than I would have been bi. I worked at it and also had friends that supported me. Hell, I even had a friend invite me into a orgy with him and these two other girls. And that HELPED ALOT! Blocking those feelings out of my head. Forcing the good ones in. Masterbation to straight porn will do wonders. And i'm not embarassed to say. Movies, and music have blindfolded us and told us its okay to have sex at a early age. You fall in love in the first couple of days. And you also should be able to do whatever you want in life. Well, its all wrong. And to me you sound like you eat it up.

2. How the hell are you going to compare me to the other people out there? You don't know me at all. You can only form an opinion of how I am because of what I'm saying. Hell I might just be debating on this. Which brings me exactly to my point. I'm different from everyone else that posted. I have a different opinion. And everyone thinks that they are right and i am wrong and just a loud mouthed idiot. But, If I had said " Yes dude, do whatever makes you happy." I would have blended in, Conformed if you will. Good example eh? CASE CLOSED! lol. [Need I remind ya'll i'm studying to become a lawyer one day.] To the guy that posted this. Take a good look at what being different will get ya.

3. Of course I judged him. We all judge other people on a daily basis. Its something we can't keep from doing for we are all sinners. But repenting is what sets us aside from the hypocrits. The world is evil due to people who take advantage of freewill. Its not because of close minded people or bullies. But they do add to the fire. Think about the murderers, rapists, drug dealers, and gangs. They do bad things. But honestly, they don't make the world evil. We all make the world evil from our sins. If there was only one person on the planet, the world would still be evil. Because they would still be sinning. And doing bad things.

4. All i'm really saying is, You don't have to conform to EVERYTHING. Just the things that would get you into some shit later on down the road. That would knock off opportunities you could have had. Important things, such as friends, jobs, sex, etc.

5. Last but not least. I would use big words. But i'm prone to type little words because they are easier to type.

 

Okay, there are two things I find laughable about this. First of all, you talk about "weakness". Being able to be yourself in the face of, and in spite of massive adversity takes immense strength. So, being yourself and fighting other's bigotry, on the contrary, is anything but weak. And secondly, I say again, if you could "choose" not to be bi, then you never were, I put it to you. Most straight men, have at some point, had homosexual thoughts. It doesn't mean they were bi or gay, it was just a phase. Your advice is pathetic, and I'm glad everyone else in this thread seems to share that view. Your kind of "help" is exactly the sort people of oppressed minorities do not need. You sound just like these extreme christian fundamentalists who think gay people can be "cured" of their homosexuality. And if you are one of those people, as I strongly suspect you are, then your "advice" does a lot more harm than it does good. It is attitudes like yours that help perpetuate the bigoted views that demonise, and oppress people who are different from the norm. And crucially, cannot help that.

 

Who cares? I'm not conforming to this thread and your getting all pissed. Your setting a good example for the guy who posted this thread. Keep it up!

 

You should be able to do what you want in life, as long as you are not hurting others in the process of doing so. Which being gay definitely does not do, so again, your logic is idiotic. Demonising something which harms no-one is wrong. And if you can't see that, then you are just a bigot.

Oh, I know your sort only too well...

You are different from everyone else that's posted, because you are not gay or bi. (I'm not either, but I know what it's like to feel isolated, victimised, and abused purely for being myself) People need advise from people who know where they are coming from. You definitely don't, so your advice was never going to be helpful. Funny how everyone in this thread who is gay/bi has a different opinion to you? I wonder why that could be....Who should he be taking advice from? Someone who clearly has a pre-disposed bias towards bi/gay people, and who isnt even either of those things, or those who really are gay/bi and can completely relate? Let me take all of one second to think about that! You are clearly not in this person's position, nor do you seem to have any compassion for those who are suffering through prejudice and bigotry, because you see it as being their own fault. Therefore, your kind of "advice" is just as harmful as the bullying those people suffer. Condoning it is just as bad as participating in it.

Yes, it is because of closed minded people and bullies. You tell me just ONE way, in which being gay/bi harms anyone else, and I will agree with you, but you cannot. Which is the huge difference between gay people, and rapists, drug dealers, gangs, murderers and the like. Being gay in and of itself, doesn't even directly hurt the gay person. It's bigoted and prejudiced people's reactions to them being gay which causes the misery and depression, not the homosexuality itself. So when extreme religious people use the "being gay makes you miserable/unhappy" card, they are completely glossing over the real reason for the person's unhappiness. Which isn't their sexuality, it's other's attitudes to it. The fact you keep comparing gays to serial killers and the like makes me sick. And you are a hypocrite. You think just believing in Christ makes you cleansed of your sins? By your own religion, only god has the right to judge, and condemn others. What you are doing goes completely against what your own religion seems to stand for. "Those in glass houses shouldnt throw stones". "Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself". You obviously do not adhere to those values, so yes, you are a hypocrite, just like most christians. Just being a christian, doesnt absolve you of that. In fact, if anything, god would come down even harder on you than he would a non believer.

Again, terrible advice. Would you have told Christ not to do what he did, because he'd be ridiculed and crucified for being who he was? No, so it really is no different. Not that I believe in god, but I'm playing devil's advocate. Okay, 1: If a "friend" doesn't accept you for who you are, then they are not a friend, and you can do without those people in your life. 2: You are condoning employers who turn someone down based on their sexuality, or gender identity. Which is WRONG. And 3: What's the point of having sex if it feels wrong and unnatural? No point, thats what. Id rather remain a virgin thank you. Sex for it's own sake is not an important thing at all. In fact, having sex if it doesn't feel right, can be very harmful, and psychologically damaging.

Using big words wouldn't make your points any less inflammatory, or narrow-minded.

 

You obviously don't, so why should anyone take anything you have to say on the matter seriously?

And you are setting a good example? Your whole point in this thread, was to piss people off. If your kind are the "good and the righteous" Id say being an "unnatrual abomination" would be instantly prefferable. You keep up your religious bigotry! It is exactly people like YOU who inflict huge pressure on people to be someone they're not, or face abuse and harrassment if they don't. You are posting hate filled diatribes, masquerading them as "helpful advice", and hoping others won't notice. Unfortunately for you, most people can see right through it, and you. You talk about the pain, and hardships minorities have to endure...you're part of the problem!

You are clearly a troll, who is revelling in upsetting people, so I'm not going to waste any more time with you.

 

Jay, I was just wondering how long have you two been friends? Also wanted you to know what a beautifull thing you said about just enjoying doing things like talking with your friend. I found that so inspirational and touching. I think you're just fine buddy no matter what the nay sayers say! Chris

 

Who did you offend? You didn't offend anyone's religion. Not that I seen anyway.

 

Absolutely! Your fine. Stick with us here.

 

I retract my earlier statements.

 

lol. This makes me laugh so hard.

1. It is the person's fault for feeling that way. Nobody has a gun to their head saying, "You either be gay/bi or i'll kill you". They have a choice. They aren't forced to do anything. PERIOD!

2. I really questioned my sexuality for a long period of time. It wasn't just a stage. I scared off many people because of the fact I was confused about shit. You have to have the willpower to get through it. And support. I guess my disagreement ties in with my spirituality. "A man shalt not lay with another". I'm more concerned about where people where spend eternity. I don't want ANYONE on this Earth to suffer. Doesn't matter how much I don't like them. Nobody deserves to be tortured forever. Of course the Devil works hard to make people non-believers and to make people's lives hell all together so they lose faith. I'm going to stop talking about religion now. For religion can fuck up a debate fast. Thats just how I think though.

3. Anyone who is brought up in a halfway normal environment with parents who don't believe in Gay/Bi relationships won't know how to act around people like that. Why do you think some people are scared to come out. Because of bad things that will happen. You have to be strong enough to not let sex control your life. If you are a guy, and like other guys. Fight the hell out of that shit till your about dead. Because no matter the situation. It will only make your life worse. You will be looked down upon as scum of the Earth. And everyone know this just as much as I do because of the society we live in.

4. Whoever said I was putting Gays/Bis down? I know many of them and talked to some just about every weekend. It doesn't bother me. But I don't agree with it. This guy asked for some advice. And i'm giving it to him while everyone else is saying.. "Well, if it makes you happy, please do it. No matter how fucked up your life will get in the future. But what counts is that your happy about who you are." And all that hippie bullshit. Well this is a wake up message. The real world isn't this nice place where everyone can get along in harmony. Its a cruel world. Where everyone is judged constantly for the way they live their life. Does anyone understand that? At all? I mean what is it that i'm not doing to get the fucking message through?

5. How many people do you know that have had feelings like that for a while and actually overcome it? I'm mentally strong. Always have been. I've been able to bring people out of the worst of trips. If you really met me in real life, if you wasn't careful, I could play with your mind and you would never know it.:hat::hat::hat:

 

I retract my earlier statements.

 

I'm just disagreeing.

This is why Gay Rights are fucked up right now. For the simple fact that things like this happen. Plainly, Here is how I see it. And I'm really about to sin, and more than likely piss some people off. And i'm going to bring religion in on this.. And i'm going to start off with a couple of verses. So bare with me.

Corinthians 6:9
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders.

Leviticus 18:22
Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

Fact being. I care so much about everyone on this Planet that i'm trying to spread the word of salvation. No matter the sin, anyone can be saved. Those thoughts of sleeping with the same sex. Thats the devil pulling you in. He WANTS you to do that. He WANTS you to think those thoughts. Because he wants to take your soul and torture you for all eternity while he feeds upon your spirit and becomes stronger. God is all holy and all powerful. There are many questions that people want answered. God doesn't appear to anyone that is human because we are sinners and no sinners are welcome in the presence of God. That is why there is hell. Hell is for the souls of people who didn't want salvation and who didn't believe in the Son of the Almighty. There is a video on youtube.. that I think you guys should listen to.. Its only a 30 second clip.. But it will scare even the strongest of people. Its called "Real Audio Screams from hell" And it was proven to be genuine. Nobody knows how or why it happened. A bunch of siberian cave diggers drilled a hole underground. And they heard noises, they turned all the equipment off. Put a mic down the hole.. And thats what they heard.

Now I know anyone who reads this might be thinking, "Hey, I don't believe in God, So why the fuck are you telling me this." Because I know everyone in this world can if they put their mind to it hand their life over to the God Lord Almighty. Most people think you have to be perfect to be saved. YOUR WRONG! Your going to sin no matter what. No matter how hard you try not to. But you have to ask for forgiveness, Accept Jesus into your heart, and live your life the best you can. Thats how you know you are saved. You don't have to live a perfect life. Cause its IMPOSSIBLE! And God knows that.

Point being. If anyone took all that time to read this. I pray that one day, you will welcome the Love of Jesus into your life. Because walking with Jesus will help you overcome any obstacle in your life no matter how large it is. :]

 

Sorry. :[

Its just a really heated debate. I have no hatred towards you m8. I was just giving advice. Whether you take it or not is your own decision. I wish the best for you and you will be in my prayers! Add me as a friend if you want.:cheers2:

 

No church here please! I'm surrounded by the religious right, so much so, that I get really sick of it. If I wanted to listen to Sara Palin, I'd have voted for that stupid woman. Holster the church scripture read. Please!

 

I'm not even going to give him the dignity of replying to him anymore. I could prove him wrong on all his bible bashing points, but really, he's not worth the effort, or my energy. lol Hopefully he'll get banned, and then everyone will get peace from his gay-baiting! I am not part of the gay community, but I hate seeing gay people having to put up with vile tirades dressed up in bigoted, right-wing religious rhetoric from the likes of him!