20-Year-Old Son Smoking Pot

As far as I'm concerned, a 20 year old is THOROUGHLY AN ADULT. If you don't want him living with you as WHO HE IS then ask him to leave, but don't treat him like a child.

 

I think you missed the point totally. It has nothing to do with Bush, pot was illegal 40 years ago too. If her son gets caught using any kind of drugs in her house, the police assume implied consent and she could loose her home and her job because of that.

I'm a mom and home owner who was in the same situation. She has earned the right to make rules in her own home. What have you earned?

 

You may get to make the rules. Though as hes clearly being responsible i think its too harsh to kick your son out for such acts. Maybe he would not be doing so well without such relief every once in a while.

 

to the OP.
you are right. it is your house, is he paying rent and did you guys make a prior agreement regarding weed? no.
he is breaking the rules.
i'm 19 and recently moved back in with my mom and the rule is only smoking in my room at certain times, like when my smallest borther is away. and then smoking in the garage or back yard.
i can handle that.
when lving with other people you have to take that into consideration, smoking weed is a habit that not everybody is into, like leaving your pubes in the nath tub...
you just gotta keep peeps around you in mind

 

Just tell him if he wants to do well at college and care about what happens for the rest of his life, he should cut down on the weed. I'm 21 by the way I know this, I'm trying to start my own business and I know smoking weed would make it really hard to concentrate so I don't smoke it any more.

 

whats wrong with smoking pot? you are a fucktard

 

Here's my perspective. I am about to be a senior in college, I currently am living with my parents until I move into my apartment in August (I've been out of the country for awhile so have to make money before I can move in). Anyway, when I was 19 my parents found my stash, about 4 months later my dad found stuff in my car as well. I've been good (as far as parents are concerned, meaning good grades, jobs, ambition etc..), so when my parents found it I hadn't really been in big trouble before. At that point I was 19, and all they said to me was "Be careful, don't keep it in your room. It's dangerous, and never bring it back into my house, you are putting your mother and my jobs at risk. You need to be smart. I can't tell you not to do any of this, but you need to know the risks you put yourself into when you have it in your car and house."

I have always had good relationships with my parents, so I respected them, and was shocked that this was all they said. Maybe this isn't the advice you want, because I continue to smoke. However, I didn't REALLY start smoking till college. And honestly, I still smoke, but my grades have drastically gone up, and I do believe its a direct result of my smoking. It motivates me to learn, sure i smoke to fuck around sometimes too, but I want to learn.

I'd say just tell him why it's dangerous (legally), and that you don't want him to ruin his future. He may not stop, but hopefully he'll be smarter in the future with whatever he decides to do.

 

Basically if you are true about rules you'd put your foot down and stop babying him he is a man.

Part of being a man is standing up to your own failures full head on if you baby him he will never become a true man.

It is hard for parents to let go of children, it's called tough love.
If he doesn't follow rules he suffers consequences.
You think if I went to college and came home and started smoking weed in my mother’s home you think she would allow that?

I know damn well the rules of my mother’s home.
If I don’t like it I can get my own apartment and smoke there.
The point is rules are rules, laws are messed up but what can we do?.
They let child molesters loose on street yet a guy smoking weed gets busted and sent to prison instead of rehab.

Rehab can do wonders but it’s not always guaranteed.
If he drinks a lot then he has a problem, drinking is more likely to damage someone instead of pot.

A night in jail will affect some people. But no one wants there kids locked up.
It’s understandable you have to make a decision instead of being afraid.
You need to be a parent and put your foot down if you claim you have such good rules and you’re doing it for his good.

Don't suspect sympathy from the internet, people hide behind a computer screen and say cruel and terrible things.
But there are sometimes good people on the internet.

Put your foot down stick by rules, its tough love he broke them he pays.
It's easier said then done; I do apologize if I sound harsh.

Cheers and good luck on your decisions. :cheers2::grouphug:

 

what does it matter?!?! if he gets caught, then his ass is on the line and he can deal with the consequences. but honestly, a little weed isn't going to kill him. it sound like your a good mom, and if you've instilled good values in him, then don't worry. he's 20 years old - let him make his own decisions. being overbearing will only push him away!

yeah, it's still illegal. but it shouldn't be, and one day, it won't. it's less dangerous than alcohol or cigarettes. would you be flipping out if he was doing either of those?

 

How about taking him fishing and being nice about it instead of going ballistic over it. I understand your position, but perhaps you could try a little sugar. Maybe what he's wanted from you all along is a dad, and all he gets is a cop. Have you ever thought about that? How is a guy to grow to be a wise decision-making man if all he gets from you is traffic-keeping. Sure it's your house and times were prolly different when you grew up, but you might get a lot further if you showed him a little leadership and maybe a little male bonding things.

I'm just responding with an alternative view from all these others. You have no idea how tough it is to be a guy today and he might be looking for some clues as to how to navigate the border from boy to man. Ever thought about that?

If you go cop on him, you'll lose him for a good 20 years. Trust me. Try reason.

 

i agree 100 percent on this. if you kick him out it would be more dangerous outside the house he would be arrested if caught would be charged of possesion or even sales its your house and rules but think about what good you are doing? it is also possible for him to smoke even more because of his own mother kicking him out and end up with a real problem

 

I'm not going to laugh...not even in the slightest bit, if anything this post makes me sad. Obviously your son enjoys herb, and yet you for whatever reason(s) don't approve of him smoking. I can tell you first hand, herb is much less harmful than alcohol and just about every other drug for that matter. There's qualities that herb has which are few and far regarding their presence in other "drugs". In my honest opinion, it can help to see past certain biases, it can be used very spiritually and just straight up to relax. There's nothing wrong with your son smoking a PLANT, if he was dependent on it he'd be doing it 24/7 and nothing else, or at least very few other things. As you've said, he's a grown man so I would think he certainly should be able to choose whether or not he ingests, smokes or even cultivates a plant of any kind. Granted it's your house, so I would through the cultivating out the window, but what exactly is the problem(s) you have with him smoking in the first place? Just because it's illegal? Pardon my french, but there's so many fucked up laws all over the world. They aren't always made for the protection and well being of the people (very rarely are they made for that reason today), rather they are made for the benefit of a select few (research the history of why pot was made illegal and you'll see).

I guess I just don't see why you have a problem with your son smoking herb...even if you claim it is because it's illegal unless he's got some crazy grow op going on in your house I can guarantee cops aren't going to bust anyone for it. It's his life, not yours and he seems to be doing no harm to a single person, and if you really think about it not even himself (other than the affect of smoke on the lungs).

 

Your house, your rules.
and make that certain.
I mean, you don't mind [well, of course you're gonna mind that he smokes pot, but] him smoking outside of the house, right? tell him to at least go to his friends house or something.

 

^^I second that, its not that hard to go some where else to get high. If hes really that inconsiderate, fuck 'im.

 

I think we need more info
Does he get good grades, in college? problems with police before?
overall nice kid?

I say if he is a nice well rounded, productive kid with respect and his priorities straight, let him make his own decisions
BUT it is still your house, so he can't smoke in your house but if he wants to go out and get stoned all day, go for it just not in your house

No use getting police and shit involved

 

I'm revisiting this in light of many of the responses and considering what was posted by the OP I must reiterate my stance that it's her rules, her house. Regardless of the popular opinion here that weed is relatively harmless (which I share)... it's illegal coupled with the overzealous political anti-drug atmosphere could expose HER and her property to serious repercussions if her son scores a bag under the watchful eyes of undercover cops who follow up with search warrants and find stash and paraphernalia- they could use that as justification to seize HER property. Because of her history (the dad's alcoholism) I'm reluctant to try and convince her that it's ok. Besides, she requested that we not preach that opinion.

If the son is sneaking weed into her house then the implicit trust that is necessary for the adult son to be living under her roof has been broken and he really needs to take his act elsewhere. She can still be a supportive mom without providing a (free?) haven where he brings in contraband in defiance of her express wishes. The fact that marijuana has so many good uses and that it's less harmful than alcohol, etc. is entirely beside the point. She could rightfully bar anything from junk food to meat to religious literature from being brought onto her premises and not be obligated to justify her rules to adult offspring living freely under her roof... and she doesn't have to be furnishing shelter to someone capable of being self sufficient in order to be a supportive mom. The rules any parent makes to adult children living in their home are conditional on their continued enjoying the benefits of that shelter.