1 More Mate Lost

ehhh, been ther...done that...and this was in grade 5 and this certin perons was like my only friend...but were friends again

 

eh, i hear that. cept change the name. back to who she was anyway, she's a total bitch now.

 

You know, I've lost friends throughout the years. Some, I still wonder why it even happened because it appeared to be out of the blue with no explanation, and others, well, we simply changed and our lives took different paths. It hurts either way really.

I had a friend from the time I was 5 years old until the time I was 14 years old. She was my absolute best friend, and we were always together. I can still remember the first day that I went over to her house for a play-date. I remember playing Barbies and dress-up.

I remember us calling one another's crushes as we grew older, trying to get the scoop on whether they would be at a certain spot that day, or whether they thought we were cute or not.

I remember how over the years, she betrayed my trust, told others of things that were going on in my family, making it to the point where they were not allowed to come to my home to visit according to their parents, that I could only go to their homes because they felt it was unsafe to do otherwise.

I remember having her turn her back on me in our freshmen year of high school and never once understanding why, only feeling crushed that she appeared to loathe me and never once gave an explanation as to why.

Then another friend, whom I met in my freshman year of high school when I moved to another district, that I felt was my best friend. There was nothing that I could not say to her, she was such a strong, aggressive person, she had a mouth on her like you wouldn't believe for a female, so much the opposite of myself. She always had a way of making me laugh even when times were hard. She was someone whom I could really let my guard down with and act like a total nut.

She was forever listening to my woes of waiting for my pager to beep with my husband's (at the time, boyfriend) calls, how my entire life revolved around him, and how I wanted to one day be his wife and mother of his children. She always told me that I would be.

She was there when I was just barely 19 years old and took a pregnancy test that read positive. She was there when I was hysterically sobbing on her kitchen floor, feeling so alone and scared because I knew that my husband (then boyfriend) and I weren't ready for a baby at that point in time, and I had no idea what was going to happen to us. But, when things progressed, and I lost the baby, she disappeared. I would call her but I could never reach her. I so needed someone else to talk to, to help me through my pain, but she couldn't be bothered.

Two years later when I had gathered more strength, I finally contacted her. I was married, and had a newborn son. I had found out that her father had died, and I wanted to offer my condolences. She was shocked, and confessed that she had been thinking about me for the past years we hadn't spoken, and she apologized for how she acted. After that, we spoke nearly everyday, but when my husband and I became pregnant and we lost another baby, she disappeared for a while again. She just couldn't seem to be there during those times. I persisted and called a few months later when I became pregnant again and found that I was having twins. After that, we again spoke almost daily, but after the birth of my twins, our contact drifted. She was still living at home, and completely involved with her internet chat rooms and relationships there, and pretty much left me on the outside even though I tried to keep contact. Me, as a mother of three, didn't really have the time to chase after her and play silly games, and though I tried calling her at times, she never answered her phone, and rarely responded to any email I sent.

Finally, I'd had it. I wasn't wasting my time anymore. She's called me maybe twice this past year. The crazy thing is, she lives 5 minutes away from me now. She lives a street behind my in-laws, and she still lives with her mother. I don't miss her, and I don't regret anything. I tried, and that's all I could do.

For us, our lives became so different. It seemed that we had nothing in common anymore. It was sad, but I've come to realize that things like this happen. People drift apart sometimes.

My other friends that I have now, as well as my husband's, are ones that share a lot of the same life that we do. Marriage, children...both my husband and I have drifted apart from many of our past friends. Friends from the days when we were childless and partying like no tomorrow. They stayed in the same spot while we moved on. People change, people grow, and it's a part of life. It doesn't make it any easier, but time heals those wounds.

 

wow.

 

theres a thread like this in random thoughts...but different