Repeatedly run head first into the passenger side of your neighbour's Volvo.
Train it to sniff out truffles.
I dropped a quarter in the toilet and it slid down the hole so I put in my arm up to the elbow and dislocated my shoulder.
It;s too bad that cabbage wilts so quickly, otherwise it'd make a lovely handbag.
crummy
Trade it for a different egg.
Yeah. Wait...what?
I usually just pinch them or tell them they're adopted. I don't work in film though.
Psh, thirteen...who the hell would wish they were thirteen? Three is the golden age. You are waited on hand and foot, all you have to do is play...
I was just thinking in the shower... I use one of those pouffy things to wash with, and I always wash my face first because I don't want to use...
Banned because you don't make the best coffee table, but you are a decent ottoman.
I imagine you have a busy social life with those looks. A lot of girls need someone to make them feel pretty.
Dreads taking down the animated reindeer, giant inflatable elves, illuminated candy canes, life sized snow globe scene with snow machine inside,...
Ironed a shirt he was wearing.
I has a stick. You want I should throw it for you?
Crack it a little and tape it to the underside of your ex's bed.
My toothbrush is well past its dentist recommended date of disposal.
Add a set of flippers and declare yourself art.
Banned for mopping the floor with Listerine.
My grade six teacher told us it was because typewriters initially had the keys in alphabetical order but people would type so fast that the...
Separate names with a comma.
