What stops you from trying sex with another man?

Suburbanray, that's a whole different discussion. The cost of not doing it can be very damned high. Suppression has insidious, long-term damaging effects; it can actually change one's personality subtlety or, yeah, not so much and as I've seen. I've seen guys and gals who were chill and all that turn into "raving lunatics" because they have a sexual need that being in a relationship cannot and will not ever take care of. It had occurred to me quite some time ago that one of the reasons why women live longer than men is that men... can't be celibate and the effects on mind and body helps to put us in the grave faster while women who nature ultimately makes celibate... are okay not having to spread their legs anymore.

I know men - more than women - who have decided that if they don't do this, they're really going to lose themselves and they have a good idea of how this isn't going to be good for himself or anyone else so... hopefully, what she doesn't know won't draw that infamous scorn that women are known for. This part of the rabbit hole goes way deeper and writing about it... takes a lot of time. Us guys grow up dealing with women who like to ask, "What about me, how I feel, what I need..." all that stuff but as men, we are not allowed to ask those questions... and we should and some of us have, only to have her ask, "What about you?" or say, "This ain't about you - it's all about me!" and... I think I'm going to call "Stephan" and see if he wants his dick sucked because I can't deal with this relationship insanity, not at the cost of my own sanity.

 

For most of my life (until recently), I have deeply to my core wanted marriage with a woman and children. But I failed to achieve it, and it brought me lifelong clinical depression and countless thousands of hours of suicidal thoughts, thinking I have been an utter failure as a man, let alone as a human being. For unknown reasons I was just rejected by girls and women time and time again, until 5 years ago when I decided I had enough with women, without any intention to ever have sex let alone romance with them, despite still having sexual attraction to them. But hearing from friends and relatives and reading online the countless horror stories of men's experiences in marriage, including, from the get-go, the neverending sexual manipulation by women, that eventually became dishing out sex rarely, and finally never at all (as if sex was a commodity instead of an intimacy to enjoy together)--part of me believes I dodged a bullet. That is even before bringing in the issue of bisexuality, like all of you guys in this forum are writing about constantly.

The bisexual effect for me was with every rejection by a woman, I would immediately allow myself to feel those buried same sex desires, and then act on them. The simplicity for me was that I was never in a relationship with a woman to complicate matters, allowing me to freely suck cock and eventually fuck ass, and to experience and enjoy the gay side of myself.

But this "good fortune" to be single all my life to allow me to have sex with both men mostly and a few women is an extreme rarity. So I've come to deeply sympathize with you married men in your low sex or sexless marriages, needing to fulfil your ever-growing and eventually extremely powerful desires for cock or male ass, while feeling in conflict with your marriage vows of fidelity, and hurting your wife and family and reputation, and risking losing your family and mostly enjoyable way of life. I am so very sorry you have such burdens and suffering, and surely wish for you to be free of them, somehow. I can truly appreciate how deep the conflict must be with so very few of you taking the @thepapasmurf route of divorce and the effects that can bring. I am happy for you that you took that route, Papa Smurf, but of course I'm sorry for the negative effects it brought as well. I hope the family part of your life comes back to you and accepts and loves you again and your new "lifestyle"--your way of being you.

What a nightmare you married bisexual men all must live. I'm sure my lifelong loneliness and unfulfilled family wishes pales in comparison to your suffering. I have no idea what I would do if I ever had been able to fulfil this powerful wish for marriage and children, to eventually find myself in the situation of needing to live my bisexuality. I'm sure, at 62, I would be in that same situation of having a sexless marriage, with uncontrollable sexual desires for guys. In fact, given how strong the gay side of myself has always been, I'm sure I would've felt these conflicts much earlier in my marriage. And now, even before losing desire to have sex with a woman again, I knew that I could never again be in a long-term relationship with a woman, because I can't stop having sex with men. I love it and need it way too much.

 

You still only live one life albeit one with dual attractions, desires, needs, all that good stuff that's supposed to make life worth living. @RisingBi, it's not that much of a nightmare for all of us and not all of us suffer. What doesn't help married bisexuals are the rules of being married. "Keeping only unto yourselves" is a killer for those who find that the... call to the other side of the fence is too strong and powerful to ignore and ignore without consequences to self. How do you - how can you - express your sexuality in a relationship state that doesn't allow for much of anything?

You're either going to do something about it or you're going to do nothing. The worst of that nightmare you mention comes when a man decides to do nothing, that sacrificing himself for the sake of an institution that demands that you only be heterosexual and remain faithful to a partner and no matter what price you have to pay to do this. You get caught between that rock and hard place because you love her - or you love him - but that... pull is strong and trying to ignore it or otherwise pretend it's not real is just you lying to yourself about what you really feel and why but monogamy doesn't allow you to think or feel anything about anyone other than your partner.

You're either going to do something about it or you aren't. If you leave one "life" for another, then you've done something; if you decide to "greedy" and bask in the "best of both worlds," then you've done something. If you've decided that living as a homosexual is what works for you - and still in a society that sees homosexuals as humanity's most dire enemy - then you've done something. The worst comes - the nightmare comes - when you choose to do nothing. It's really one of the many decisions we make in our lives that might be a good one or falls into that "what the fuck did I do" or "why didn't I do (add something you know you should have done but didn't)?" and you manage to recover from them and move forward as best you can.
...
Because the worst part of the nightmare is... regret. Would you prefer to regret having done something about your given situation or would you prefer to regret not having done anything about it and at the risk and sacrifice of self to that institution that doesn't give a flying fuck about you as a man? They say that you can't have your cake and eat it, too... and it's a lie and one that was taken out of context somewhere in our past; it's just that if you want to have that cake and eat it, too, don't let your partner find out. And if this is what you do, then you've done something rather than to do what a great many men do:

Nothing. Choose. Or not. I am a bisexual. I am only living one life despite my dual sexual/romantic attractions. Still, I am my own person despite being married because I believe in Rule Number One: Take care of you own ass first. Rule Number Two is to never forget Rule Number One. You do what's best for you... or else.

It only becomes a nightmare when you allow it to become one and our society makes that happen when you fully believe in what our society says about love, sex, relationships, and sexuality.

 

Today what stops me is not having another male to f et into a committed relationship with. More i think of it, more i want to be with that guy as much as possible, to share a bed with him, and for us to share each other & pleasure each other as often as possible. When I was married, it was almost like irregular hook ups, and longdr it went more it sucked.

 

For some reason I did not mind my bi side being left unexplored. I knew it was there but was actually content with my sex life. I am TRULY bisexual. I love ‘em both and if one is sexually satisfying then I’m good. I am glad that I was able to explore this side of me. It has been a fun journey. Nowadays I do miss women, loved their scent. I love the scent of men as well but just missing the females pheromones.
I feel for you, good luck in your journey.

 

I prefer more of a relationship with a potential partner. I am an outdoor enthusiast so always looking for someone like that. Fit, able to hike, bike, swim. If we connect on this level FIRST, then the sex is so much more enjoyable. There are not many older (60+) that can fill the bill. My pickings are slim but I have found a couple and we have a nice time sexually and as friends. There will never (never say never) a long term relationship but surprisingly long enough.

 

Do i want to go in that direction?
After a prostate exam in my 20's and I had a" accident" all over the floor. My wife thought that it was funny. She researched it and discovered that the P spot was like a woman's G spot. During oral sex she stated to finger me. And over time toys started to be used. Life sized ones. The idea of it is a turn off for me. Then I discovered by accident transexual porn . She looked like a very hot woman till her panties came off. And I could possibly see myself there. BECAUSE SHE WAS A FEMALE or looked to be and in my mind it seems okay.
But to be honest I have never had a real penis in my anus. And I don't really plan to at this stage of my life. Even though I still enjoy solo butt play to this day. Thanks to my adventurous wife. At the time. God bless her

 

I met a woman who wasn’t wearing a bra and her breast looked sexy with erect nips. I asked her for her number which she gave me. I found out later that she was trans. When I found out that, I really wanted to meet her. I think that it would be hot to meet a woman and while caressing her breast and putting my hand down her panties to find a thick cock growing hard. I would be pleasantly shocked but would suck it.

 

I am very interested in bi, but only for the sex, not the emotions. A BJ then let’s hang out or go home

 

I'd say 98% of the hook-up's I'd enjoyed with other married men over the years were just this. Some really enjoyable and satisfying oral sex together followed by conversation during recovery. There were a few guys I'd been with where we'd enjoy a second round together if time allowed it.

 

I grew up with it being just sex and even the one gay kid in our group was more about the sex than being romantic. The notion of being romantically into a guy, back in 1964, was anathema for any guy who wasn't gay and more so when - and as you all were taught - being gay was just bad, evil, and a mortal sin that in those days, you could be stoned to death for. None of us believed that we could have romantic feelings for another guy but we were friends and lovers (to put it like that) and if there was any other meaning to things, it was that I liked having sex with you and you liked having it with me.

I would later learn that what I/we thought about sex and sexuality back then was erroneous and that you could feel great affection - dare I say love? - for another guy but you're not gay. Okay, fine, because the definition of bisexuality back then was "...having an affinity for both males and females sexually, romantically, or both." Over time, the main thrust of being a male bisexual was... the sex. Hooking up to do some cocksucking or more than that. If the sex was good, there'd be an effort to make it a kind of regular thing or if ya needed to get off, you knew that you could come find me and if I had the time, then we could do something to get each other off as long as us doing this didn't turn into a relationship. That was the line drawn in the sand because relationship + guys = gay and while I now knew better than that, I also knew that I lived in a sexual world where guys just wanted to have sex and maybe even be friends who could have sex in one of those, "I wouldn't mind having my dick sucked right about now..." moments that could come up when hanging out together.

You could call it FWB, but we could be a combination of "buddies" but as a matter of convenience more than you and I being "boyfriends" in that sense and even then, the NSA rule was still firmly in effect and on the whole.

Today, a lot of men believe that in order to have sex with another guy, you gotta be more than just casual 'lovers' and it got put out there that casual sex is bad and dangerous but FWB sex isn't and in a sexual world that still, by and large, operated under casual/NSA rules because anything other than that was still considered to be gay. We can have mad, crazy sex but if/when a guy gets into his feelings, well, I'd be understanding... but a lot of other men would drop you like a bad habit and head for the hills because they might like you and they apparently like having sex with you but getting into feelings?

Oh, hell no. Because we still live in a world and society that says and maintains that homosexuality - and anything that resembles it - is bad, evil, and a mortal sin. In 2025. It can be acceptable that if you want FWB with feelings other than lust before you give it up to another guy, then that's the way you want it... but that's not the only way this M2M thing works. So, um, if you're still an M2M virgin because you're sitting back and waiting for a Mr. Right to magically come into your life, you could be waiting for a very damned long time when the M2M world is filled to overflowing with Mr. Right Nows and men who could be Mr. Right... if you were willing to check them out and yeah, have sex with them and agree on things being a bit less casual.

Otherwise, you're never going to get to have sex with another guy. Stay true to yourself, stay true to your standards, and if you're waiting, well, that's how it is with you and if you're tired of waiting, no one is going to fault you for a roll in the hay with a Mr. Right Now.

 

I've said it before, I don't dream of falling in love with a guy and never foresee it, but if it happens so be it.
I will say casual sex is bad from a practical standpoint. You don't know what you're getting into with someone you've never met before so you have to be very careful. As a boss you wouldn't hire someone who just walked off the street. Why would you offer your body to someone like that? It's true, some people have a good feel for others and it's not like you're always expected to stay with someone after you're with them. But it's generally better to get to know someone to some extent before putting out.

 

Yeah, it seems that everyone thinks like this these days; I' just the one who'll speak on the fact that not everyone thinks like that and that, historically, no one other than gay men looking for love thought like this. Now, are you gonna say, "Yes!" to a guy who walks up to you and asks you for sex? That's insane and very few people I know would ever do such a careless thing. You ask questions; you evaluate on the spot; you decide if you wanna be bothered or if the guy looks shady or otherwise unsavory. Better to know the guy? On the surface, yes, but what isn't he telling you? He being honest with you about who else he's sleeping with? As I like to ask, do you know for a fact where his dick has been when he's not with you? I know a guy who got burned twice by his FWB.

Is there really a wrong way to go about this? No - it's all in how you want to roll but main gist of this is that you do not have to get into a relationship with a guy in order to have sex with him; the main gist is that guys thought that you did way back in the 1970s and I would shake my head sadly in the 1990s when guys were saying they weren't going to get down with a guy because they didn't want to be in some kind of relationship and I'm asking them, "Who says you have to?" and no one has been able to answer that question.

If you're saying that you don't wanna check out sex with a guy because of feelings or things along those lines, I'm telling you that it's okay if all you feel for a guy is lust because this is one of the ways it has always been. You want him to fill out an application so he can be your FWB? Do what you gotta do but it bakes my noodle to keep seeing guys saying that they don't want to be romantic with a guy and because it's being presumed that you have to be just to get or give a blowjob.

 

Points taken, and all things equal if a guy gave me an instant boner and I knew "I could get away with it" (clean, wasn't gonna go psycho on me, etc.), I'd go for it. And if fooling around meant some kind of relationship would follow, I wouldn't necessarily rule it out.
I realize it's a chance I take either way. A couple could be happily married for decades and a dirty, marriage ending secret could come out. At some point the right level of reasonable trust and "he's hot" has to tell me a particular guy is for me.
These rules aren't exclusive to the same gender of course.

 

sample size
Siskiyou County has lower population density than WY/MT.. up here by OR border, I'm in CA's fourth largest county (area) and you could fit ALL of YELLOWSTONE, YOSEMITE, GLACIER NPs within its borders.. about 100 miles x 60 miles..

it's been darn near 48 years now since giving up my pretty active bi lifestyle (I told her when we met).. I set aside sex with others.. the ladies? my wife gave herself to me and we've not 'needed' others.. she's all the woman a guy could have hoped to find.. the MM "desire" driving me since puberty never actually went away, but I buried it.. it doesn't disappear.. it is actually stronger now it seems.. I have great kids with great careers here in town and grandkids.. 1/3 (estimated.. it was once 75% because of my career and kids sports/their parents, etc) of the 3,600 residents in town know me and wave.. hundreds more in the county.. so it's not like I can just hang out up north at Weed Rest Stop.. There's cities of near 100,000 north & south within 1.5 hrs.. but I'd only go that far if I knew a guy..

but a 'secret' rendezvous for a couple of hours of sex without knowing who it's with isn't what I'm looking for.. a FWB would be great.. even just a fishing buddy.. or occasional cup of coffee and discuss world affairs.. whatever.. maybe I'll rejoin the Rotary Club? statistically, there's likely to be at least one other guy there in same boat as I..

it was so damn EZ to find someone (M & F) to recreationally hook up with for a night (or regularly) back in beach communities of Los Angeles in 1970s.. sometimes small groups too.. in the LA Co FD and Army (stateside or in 'Nam), a few of us inevitably found each other and often spent weekends in nearby hotel/motel..

maybe there was less perceived risk when young.. I had nothing, so what could I lose?