the white binder cont. from old journal days

The guy I've been playing music with for the past handful of weeks is a paranoid schizophrenic. Needless to say, it's been hard getting much done. Now I don't know what to make of the guy. He calls me like a little child needing a friend to the point of harassing me. One day when I decided not to pick up just because I needed some alone time away from him I had like 15 calls. It was ridiculous. Everyone needs a friend but how far should one really go before it starts affecting you to the point where it hinders your own life? I've decided to give him one last try, I'll have to sit down and make things clear to him and if he can't listen to me I'll have to let go.

I want to continue playing music however. This guy has done that much for me. I had a bad experience many years ago that made me hang up my equipment. Parts of songs were stolen from me after I was mysteriously kicked out and now that group (last I heard) had played up on stage. My music, my feelings, my soul, but yet I was supposed to be forgiving to someone who couldn't communicate well and I got kicked out of my own band. Yes, oh yes, I did try to forgive. I still tried being friends with the guy-lead singer of the band and ex neighbor, school friend, best friend. But then I found out he said stuff behind my back about me and then I gave up. So go figure, friends, you can be one for years and still not know a thing about them.

I changed the title to my hipforums journal today. I no longer felt that "Instincual Thoughts" was proper. I used to have over 10 years of journal writing, a big mistake happened in my life, then I destroyed it all- All the journals of writing that I kept in my white binder. So now properly (for me) this online journal will be called "The White Binder". I need to make note that destroying the writings I did in my white binder was not the mistake. It was actually very healthy for me to do so. It's like starting over, a new life. When I looked back on all the other writing, I felt depressed and it was like a reminder to continue to be depressed...even though it was all just venting.

Eh, eh!, and eh? Things change, things stay the same. I have 3 cats now. Writing is up and down. Playing music, almost have one song completely down with someone else after years of being away from it. Still reading.
Not much on the mind. Bored. Frustrated as usual with stupidity. So yeah. EH!@#$ Be retarded, and if you are reading, be retarded with me for a moment and lighten up your mood. Here it goes:
eh, doiplah, rerekerplunken, doidoidoidoidoi, gunkenpoop, weweyoiyoiwoi, deedee derder ka! Now see how fast you can go! Later!

I'm tired of the same old life. I have done the same things for years, reverted back to old thoughts and friends, written the same ideas in poetry or in writing longer things and I'm just tired of it. Tired of needing to feel this negative comfort zone. I'd like to feel a positive change in my life. Something that is beneficial or good that I can stick with. It makes me feel a little insane when I look back on my life. It's funny, at my age now, when I was young I thought would be old, now I'm that age and older people think I'm still young. I guess the weathered aspect of life hasn't full hit me yet to fully understand, but I do understand a greater deal more than I think... I'm sure. Oh-well.

Well, what can I say is new now. Time moves on of course...that's always new and always moving. But to simplify it a bit, I got another free kitten. This one is female and named her Arwen from Lord of the Rings. She gets along well with Yoda. It's weird but this time my girlfriend had the dream about a cat and then that day we found a free kitten post at a store we went into. Those are always the best animals- is when they come to you.

Ahhh, now the beef jerky. Yes! I bought another dehydrator after my ex
ran off with the one I bought before and other things that were mine. I am trying to begin to formulate ideas on beginning my own business with it. Some time is yet to come with the idea but I'd like to pursue it since it gives me meaning, a purpose. And it smells REALLY GOOD while it's dehydrating.

Entry 13: 13. In the study of numbers, 13 is simplified to 4 which has been believed to be the God number. However...I've been having some really strange realizations/hypotheses about God and the Bible. Some have believed that BIBLE stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. However, last night when I couldn't sleep there were other acronym's running through my mind about it like one of them was Believe In Beelzebub's Little Earth, and Basic Instructions: Believe Lying Ebb's. I have a couple more written down at home but it really made me start thinking about how God became and even who God really is. I know my journal is public so I say to you who read this far, my intention is not to offend, every person has their own beliefs, to each his own, let bygones be bygones. My belief is to question all forms of authority, to search, to find meaning, to set aside what the mass population believes is a way of life and find a deeper truth, meaning or facts. And I have found that even the smallest things have great significance and the largest things have the smallest meanings. Hell, life is just crazy if you think about it...like a mental disease. Ehh, now I'm babbling, I'm off to do other things now.