Today I feel odd and wanted to write in public but in a hippie forum where I was dreaming to share my life stories. I do believe that only the people near to nature can feel another person.
My life has very strange situation. I have already finished four relationships and all those four were ended up after 4 years. It is always very romantic and careful at the beginning and after time passed, I am starting to feeling disappointing for many reasons. I am starting to find mistakes of my guy and then just waiting to finish the relationship.
I have never cheated a guy. Never let them to spend on me. All those four relationships I had I was the one who spent on them. And always my boyfriends were with some issues. My first boyfriend was an enthusiastic guy who wanted to build strong carrier in his life. I have supported his studies and even spend on his foods. I did those things with care. I felt I am his mom. But when the time passed, he has started to flirt with other girls and I found that. But he was always giving me my place in his life. I felt annoying and stopped my relationship. After we broke up, he was behind me nearly two years for asking me to back in his life but I didn't.
After this, I thought I don't need any more relationships. But when the time passed, I met my second boyfriend in a seminar where I was their trainer. I have addicted his talking eyes and we suddenly started relationship even I was the one who told "I love you" when he said he need time to make a decision. He took one month the returned say he loves me. But that was fine. We were living together as I did not want to keep him apart. Exactly after 4 years (OK, when it is becoming four years of our relationship) I felt he has reduced his care about me. I was disappointing. Meantime I met my third boyfriend who really stared to care about me. But I was still with the second one. One day I got a telephone call from his fire department (he is a fire fighter) to asked me to meet the chief. I went. I couldn't believe what I heard. The chief said, Sameera (my boyfriend) addicted in drugs and they need my support to rehabilitate him. I felt annoying. I was keeping him in my place, feeding him like a mother and even financing his studies. He was using drugs behind me? I suddenly broke up with him. But breaking up was easy (after crying like crazy) because I have already admired on the third one.
I was really enjoying my life with my third boyfriend because he used to be my driver in my job. When they wanted to send me outside visiting (job related) I enjoyed travelling the country with him. But then he lost his job and started to create problems to me for finding new job. I bought a van for him and he was happy to hire the van. But then the problem started. He has started to make other relationships behind me. He was meeting other girls and travelling with them in my vehicle what I bought to him. I was very angry but I still wanted to make him mine. I asked him to marry me. He was not agreed first but then he did. We got married. After that the problems increased. He has started to show off his real character after the marriage. He has become a tour guide and he was enjoying his fucking job with foreign ladies. I felt like a bitch. I lost my second relationship with such a nice guy I only had to get him out from drugs. That could be better than sleeping with someone who is sleeping with many women. I have disappointing and left Sri Lanka and stared my new life in Germany. But my ex-husband did not stop hurting me. He used my parents to hurt me. He used his legal right on me. For a Sri Lankan woman marriage is a trap if it doesn't go well. But I didn't care. I wanted to start over my new life in Germany. There I met me forth boyfriend Zaid.
He is an Arabic. But did not conservative. He treated me very nice. He is still nice. But exactly after 4 years I had to leave him because of my parents. My parents wanted me back in Sri Lanka. I came but then my visa expired. I did not go back to Germany. I missed him. But then in few months I met my current boyfriend Jana. He is Sri Lankan again. He is a carpenter. His profession is really not a matter. He loves me. Loves me like crazy. But he has a dark side in his life. He is two times married and have 3 children. But as he says, those two women cheated him. That's why he left them. Now my problem is he is really bothering my life because of he doesn't trust me too. He loves me but he is always scared that I will also cheat him. Therefore, he is strongly controlling me. Please tell me what to do?
Separate names with a comma.