I saw one of my doctors yesterday. He said a couple of things that have be very confused. He was obviously lying to me and withholding information from me. He made that pretty clear. Let's not beat around the bush here. Something is obviously seriously wrong here and my doctors are obviously withholding that information from me and others. But he had me very confused. He admitted that I obviously have neuropathy in both my hands. I've known I had neuropathy in my right hand for some time, especially my right thumb. He's says it's in both hands now. And I knew there was damage to feet and hand for some time now, permanent damage that will never go away my doctors have already told me. And now he admits that the neuropathy never went away either. I still have it in my feet, and now both my hands he said. And it's gotten worse and taken a bizarre turn in the past couple of weeks. I've had other weird physical symptoms too the past couple of weeks. A malaise, extreme fatigue sometimes, my urine smells very unusual sometimes (very stale) and is cloudy sometimes too. I think I obviously have diabetes still too. Another one of my doctors said, who are you going to believe? Your pharmacist or us? I supposedly no longer have Type 2 Diabetes and my A1C is 5.4. Both of which seem impossible to me, but I'm not a doctor. They all supposedly are. And that other doctor deliberately dropped a hint that my kidneys are or may be failing recently. If that last one is the case, I need to start dialysis immediately. Again I'm not a doctor, but if all of the above is true I should start treating those conditions now. And maybe I could avoid more damage to feet and hands too. Because it is vital I have a car always. It was always necessary for my independence. My health and safety too. And my happiness. That is what that sick joke and form of mental abuse was based on, making it a horrible violent threat too as I've said. I'd lose everything without a car. I'd lose all my independence and they'd probably have to put me in a group home or public hospital. And I would never let anyone put me there because then I'd be at their mercy in a setting like that. (And that's why it continued as a sick joke and form of abuse even after 2013 when the actual possibility of losing my car was gone. That is why that lady that used to work for me and that other doctor continued using that joke. Making me think I was still in danger of that happening, when really the actual risk had long passed.) They'd control my life and my information. I'd lose all medical consent because then they could forcibly give me those medicines I don't need and should never have been taking there. They sometimes slip other meds into your food there, I learn in 1989. (Like I said, with no feet I could have my legal guardian [who is still very angry and avoiding me now BTW] buy me a car with hand pedals. I told you once that without one hand I could have a car with a steering wheel spinner knob. But what could I use if I lost all four limbs? I'd be totally helpless and crippled at that point, and I don't there is a car that I could use then.) Yet no one is doing anything about this situation, no one is helping me, no one seems to care and I don't even know what is going on. Part of medical consent, as I've explained, is at least knowing what is going on. Knowing you medical diagnoses, knowing the damage that was done to your body by things like medications and the damage that has already been done. Sometimes in the past I didn't have those. And now I seem to have lost what little ever had of any of that. That doctor yesterday said a couple of other interesting things. He still insists I don't have any form of kidney damage or failure. He said I don't have any form of mental impairment and I actually seem very bright to him. (Like I said, I sometimes wonder if I don't have at least very slight mental impairment, maybe borderline mentally handicapped. I don't know. I just know I'm a obviously not a genius like that they started telling by the 8th grade or high school. And then no matter how horrible the essays were I handed in, the teacher always said they were the best she ever read.) We also talked about my being born with a birth defect. I pointed out to him that the neurologist I saw in 1985 said that the size of my head was abnormal. He showed us the chart, it was way out of the normal range. (I still sometimes wonder if I am deformed even. But I have no idea what I look like to others, which also has never been explained and is strange.) He also continued to deny I have Cerebral Palsy. That last one is very weird, because I don't even know why my doctors are still denying that one. I pointed out to him that he was the one who told me the EEG showed I had it in 2011. He said, we that really isn't an exact diagnosis and could mean anything. Like I said, I still don't know what any of that means. I don't know why all the information is being withheld from me, and others. I don't who know is withholding it. Whoever is withholding it, that seems to involve all of my doctors and I guess always did. But I have to work with my doctors and have no choice to trust them all. But as you can see, clearly sometimes I can't. And now I might be on the verge of losing everything. And yet I never did any harm to anyone, I am not a bad person. And I all I ever wanted in life were things like a walk in the park. And now someday, maybe very soon, I could lose even that.
I was also going to say on the subject of driving in Michigan. I sometimes think of the law regarding who's safe to drive, and they sometimes don't make sense to me. Like for example if have epilepsy, you can drive. As long as you are seizure-free for one year. I have often wondered if you have epilepsy and you are prone to seizures at all whether you should be driving. And literacy and driving. I think I read at least on the 8th grade level. Maybe better than that. I supposedly have the equivalent of an associates' degree, mostly from community college. But like I've said, I can read a road sign a paragraph long in a glance. I was reading online recently that people who are illiterate are allowed to drive in most states. But as I was thinking around 1989 when I got my license, I wonder if they should be allowed to drive at all. Some signs just have symbols on them. And some you can easily recognize I guess, even if they have words. But some signs, like "Bridge out in three miles. Take a left on the third road." would be dangerous not to be able to read. Also, I was just thinking. Detour signs often have more instructions on them. Where the alternate route is, and what lane you should avoid. Or just where the detour begins up ahead. It's ironic, because like I was telling my therapist once, I took a wrong detour around 1990. Near my house, I seem to recall. The Detroit police were there. And when they say me do it, this one officer gave me this wide-eyed knowing look, like he recognized me somehow. Which I thought was strange at the time. (Actually my mother confused me with detours. She told me shortly before then you should never follow what the person is doing in front of you when there is a detour. I must have misunderstood her, because of course you should always do what the person in front of you is doing. I think I just panicked in 1990 too, IOW it was partly anxiety since I was a new driver. And now I think I mostly understand those detours, and their strange rules and signs, and how they are a little confusing. Now I mostly pause or even wait if I don't know exactly what is going on there.) But reading as a driving requirement. It's something to consider for driving ability in Michigan to begin with. And it is clearly a good skill I have. Plus did the police think I was unable to read? Because like I said, some people seem to have thought I had very low intelligence. And that was part of the reason why they thought I just shouldn't be driving. Even though I had a license. As I keep saying, the state of Michigan and the secretary of state decides. Not police and paramedics with their own personal agenda. But I think there was a record of the fact I could read at least. And I did tell those Dearborn police who tried to take away my license for pouring coffee in 2001 I went to a community college, in case they wanted to look it up. Because they seemed concerned about that subject in general. Asking me if I wasn't mentally handicapped, maybe then I was mentally handicapped and just didn't know it.
And I think I have an example of another business to add to the list of people who may have abused me in Dearborn. A restaurant at the that mall there. It's permanently closed now, I just read. My father and I used to go there late nights. This is when we had to go out late. So it was probably after my uncle died in 2006, when we kept much later hours. There were some workers there who were very nice to us. Like that one waiter I think I already told some people in my life about named L. But one to of the regular workers, I think another waiter, was there once. And this was around the time I still thought I'd be arrested very soon on made up or trumped up charges, and then abused for years in prison. And he went to the door, obviously expecting a guest there. But when he got to the door, he looked out, and then looked back in the restaurant. Obviously at me. And then back and forth several times like that. He was acting rather silly, I should also point out. I told my attorney at the time that. He didn't know what to say. And he looked around confused and surprised when I told him what happened. Because it was very strange what that worker was doing. He was clearly looking back and forth at me. Maybe like he wanted me to think that the police would come soon to arrest me, I thought at the time too. And he was acting silly, I clearly recall too as I said.
This might sound strange. But Mayor Mike Duggan taking office in Detroit in 2014 might have had a lot to do with my case. Around 2001 gay men in Rouge Park in Detroit (a well-known gay cruising area here) were being arrested by the Detroit police. Not for having sex in the park. Just for being a nuisance. There was 1964 law still on the books that said it was a misdemeanor to be a nuisance in Michigan parks. The undercover officers would talk to them for a long time, eventually making them think they were gay too. And then when they asked if they wanted to go to a nearby motel or something for sex, they arrested them. One man just winked and walked away, and they arrested him, tackling him to the ground. Another man was in a jail cell awaiting trial for that, they said in the media then. Until Mike Duggan, who was the prosecutor of Wayne County at the time, put an end to that practice. Saying that doing what the Detroit police were doing would be like sending an attractive female cop to a singles bar undercover, and then arresting all the men who hit on her. I know there were stories in the news around that time of the Detroit police using their work hours to pursue things not related to work. Like baseball, for example once. But I don't think I was the only one who was wondering. There is so much crime in Detroit, and we can't even solve all our rapes and murders. There's a huge backlog of those now. But police pursuing their own personal moral and political agendas? That is taking that kind of bad behavior a whole step further. Actually even a couple of steps further, with the details I just gave. And like I said, the Detroit police, the Dearborn police and others like that EMT in Oak Park in 2013 had a private agenda. One to take away my car even though they knew I was an excellent driver. And now I learn they also knew I was one the few people in Detroit who bothered to even have auto insurance. Of course my neighbors and legal guardian are still thinking about it. They were both clearly showing that couple of months ago. My legal guardian lamenting that my auto insurance costs him too much, and some of my neighbors pointing an laughing as I walked to a corner store. Because they thought I finally lost my car. My neighbors I can just ignore. But I'll be dealing with my legal guardian for years to come. And I think he's already been studying up on how to manipulate the power of guardianship to your advantage. From the police it seems, like I just said.
I'm also a little confused by the legal definition of abuse. I do know in 1988 if I filed a patient's rights abuse claim against that hospital in Dearborn it would have gone nowhere. They wouldn't have done what they did to me if they thought I could simply file a claim like that. (Which, not to digress, but has me wondering. Can any mental patient file a patient's rights abuse claim in Michigan? In 1988 I certainly couldn't.) But what counts as abuse? I know in my life, coughing, using numbers and ordinary words, humming loudly. (Because that really annoys me, that last one, and want people to stop when they do it. So they do it more and more, because they know there is never anything I could do to make them stop doing that in public.) Making everyone in my life, everyone, tell me something that upsets me a lot at the time. Like I was ugly, as a child. Insinuating I am too mentally handicapped to drive. That last one being a horrible, violent threat, not just form of abuse, like I've said. All kinds of horrible threats, and doing them in a way that shows they can get away with them, and no one in US knows about it or could stop them. Limiting my access to important restrooms, on my way home for example, as I already explained. Taking away from me things that are just simple pleasures, but doing that to show me even those can be taken away. Public humiliation, sometimes with false accusations. Which I know were no accident sometimes, that last one BTW, false accusations (I am going to have to inform people more of that too). Horrible injustices. In other words showing me that I don't even have basic rights that I thought all Americans just automatically had and could never be taken away. And then mocking me with that and rubbing my face in it. I could go on and on, but those are all the forms of abuse I have experienced. But to focus on the supposed harmless ones, I actually sometimes wonder about those ones especially. Because abusers often do that, say that they are just engaging in harmless behavior. I had an uncle who did horrible things to a cousin of mine. And one of the things he did was tickle him, claiming they were just playing. But he tickled him until he was covered with sweat and crying. Or I was thinking of another good one, one that I have even shared from time to time online. What if a child is a vegan, and their parents are meat eaters? And what if they claim that in their house everyone eats meat? I really don't know how that would be handled legally, if the child was under 18. Because parents do have the right to raise their children as they see fit. Jewish parents can demand their children grow up Jewish and don't eat pork. Same for Muslim parents. Actually, put another way, vegan parents would be well within their rights to demand their kid not eat meat, even if they loved it and were strong supporters of carnism. But feeding your kid meat, in the first example, could become a form of abuse. And what if you were cruel about it, but maybe in a deceptive way. Serve your child veal every night. Because you know, veal especially upsets vegans. But you serve it to them in way that is not obviously cruel. It's just what's for dinner every night, IOW. I just wonder about all of that above. What was done to me was obviously abuse because I told people immediately I really didn't like it, and then they continued to do it and then did it even more. All of that above was done to me in excess, and many times it hurt me and even damaged me for life or caused me serious psychological and functioning problems. But the legal definition of abuse is a good question in itself I think.
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