irsis' Blog

In the room I started meditating. Often times I need to feel the concept of home and when it isn't on the surface I find it inside myself. Then suddenly the door flew open and I got brought out of my trance like state. Cardy was at the door at little drunk and a little pissed off.

"Why did you leave like that?" he demanded

"I didn't leave you, you were somewhere else. I was alone and acted as such. You don't seem to handle alone as well as I do."

He really does seem to want to be with me so I ask him to sit in front of me in a lotus position so he drops to the ground in a lazy criss cross. I tickle out a laugh, but proceed to squat near him. I kneel and touch his head. "Straight and dignified, maybe raise it a little to the air. Receive your thoughts, don't look down on them unless you need to hide them. Relax your shoulders, no need to prepare them for battle. Unlock your posture, no...not sloppy, just up and straight....with ease. Feel it?" My hand is now on his chest.

"Feel what, my heart beating?" he smirks

"No, the inner you. It beats inside of you like a soft whisper...you feel it's vibration sometimes. Do you feel it?" He nods his head and appears to be trying to listen more seriously to what I'm saying.

As Cardy becomes more relaxed in my presence and is starting to trust me as much as he's able to trust anyone, my mind opens up to him and he starts to fall into it. His body twitches as his mind leaves it behind and his essence flyes through the window of my soul and we meet in an inner realm of my creation. We are both naked as I take his hand in mine and pull him down on top of me. At first he starts to use me to gain some illusionary end which doesn't exist on this plane. Then he becomes more aware as he realizes there is nothing to win or lose here.

"Be Here Now," I whisper in his ear.


"I've never been this high in my entire life," he whispers back as we merge and our consciousness expands to the point where we touch the mind of God. Nobody stays this high for long and suddenly there is an explosion of white light which propels our souls back into our bodies.


"What the fuck happen?" Cardy screams as he gets to his feet and looks at me like I'm some kind of witch.

"I was just playing with your mind a little bit dear, you seemed to be enjoying yourself the last time I looked."

"What you did was really fucken weird, nobody does it like that."

"Well I feel bad for everyone else cuz fucking with your mind is soooo much better than slopping around with your bodies.' I purred back at him.

"I'm going back down stairs where normal people use their bodies to slop around with each other. If I were smart I'd leave you right here and go on alone, it would be safer. "Lucky for you I never go the safe route." With that he slammed the door and was gone for the night only I hope.

Hippie Witch meets Vampire



I believe we are all taught to think in a box. We never really have serious thoughts that are out of the box. Really thinking that vampires exist is thinking out of the box. A hippie witch is always having out of the box thoughts. If a hippie witch decided to prove that vampires exist, this is what would happen.
First off she would become single minded with the purpose to prove at least to herself that vampires exist. As she gets consumed by this thought the people in her life who only have in the box thoughts start to fade from her awareness. If she is at school her grades will suffer until she has to leave school. At home her parents will try to get her psycological help and maybe some kind of drug to get her mind thinking back in the box. But nothing seems to stop her single minded purpose.
She has to leave home and finds a job at Mickey D's flipping hamburgers and still gets rejected by the in the box thinking people around her. Then she finds herself on the side of the road some rainy night wondering why she is feeling so much pain when a car stops and the driver asks her if she wants a ride. She says no because there's no place to go, all the places are the same.
"Then come for a ride and dry off a little," replies the driver, who is very handsome and seems to have the obvious intention on his mind. But at this point it doesn't matter to the hippie witch and she gets in the car. They go to his apartment and she gets out of her wet cloths and is wearing only his bathrobe when they start to make love.
Then suddenly he is biting into her neck and drawing blood out of her body. As he drains more and more blood out of her, the angel of death starts to appear in her minds' eye and the pain of being alive starts to fade as the angel of death comes to take her away.
Meanwhile back in the mind of the vampire, he too sees the angel of death but to him she is not beautiful. He starts to feel all the fear and pain he's inflicted on others in his life as a vampire and is not ready to embrace her at this moment and so stops his feeding and rolls off of hippie witch in an attempt to stop his mental torment.
Hippie witch now realizes that the angel of death is going to leave without her and maybe getting laid, even with a vampire, may not be such a bad idea after all. Maybe he could learn to see her as a lover rather than somebody to feed off of. It seems like the same problem she's always had with men who weren't even vampires.

When we bought the cows( which was my wife's' idea)
everyone we knew agreed we had no chance of making it
work. I looked at the endeavor as a spiritual
experience right from the start. Getting the money to
buy the cows, finding and setting up a barn to move them to,
hauling away the manure with just a young green
pair of horses, and feeding them with no land and no
equipment was all one miracle after another for me.
For a year we milked the 30 or so cows we bought
and lived off the sale of the milk. Then one day the
man we were renting the barn from decided he was going
to quit his job and milk cows for a living. He
figured if idiots like us could make it, he should
have no trouble at all. So he wanted us out of his
barn right away. I remember telling Kate we had to
wait for God to come into the barn.
Things got very tense after awhile because the
owner didn't want us there. I told a friend to watch
closely because I was going to pass a herd of cows
through the eye of a needle. And sure enough God came
into the barn in the form of a cattle dealer who moved
us to our third barn 50 miles away. After landing on
the farm a man I didn't know came up and told me he
was going to take back his mower. I told him that at
this point in my life I didn't think anyone had the
power to take away anything I really needed. He never
did take that mower away.

My idea of spirituality seems different from how the people I know use this term. Most people who are into spirituality have a set of beliefs that they try to live up to and judge themselves and others according to how how well they follow the rules of their beliefs. Well my spirituality is more an awareness of how everything and everyone in my life is a manifestation of my own mind. Therefore, if I see something in my life that I don't like, I try to figure out how and when I gave my consent to this unpleasant circumstance that is causing me pain.
As I dive deeper inside myself to find the cause of my pain, I start to let go of the material things on the surface of my life and start to see the physical world from a different perspective. I see how most people materialize out of fear and this leads them to cause pain in the people they relate to. Every so often a person at this low level of spiritual awareness comes into my life and I must deal with this assault on my consciousness.
On the surface this person comes on friendly and helpful. But from my deep level of perception I see that he gets no pleasure from the things he does or the people he relates to. He only gets pleasure from the pain of others. Because he is not attached to anything on the surface, he usually has a dark level of awareness by which he can materialize unpleasant circumstances in the lives of the people who are fooled by his friendly and helpful personality.
A deep spiritual awareness is the only way to relate to this person. I find I have to let go of the world around me and go to a level where I am materializing at a deeper level than this person who is trying to control my mind. Going deep inside yourself is a painful experience and the major problem is bringing your awareness back to the surface again in order to materialize love instead of pain.
For the most part I find when I do come to the surface again, my material world is in shambles and my relationships have all broken down. But this time I came to the surface to find my boy friend still there for me after a long period of absence. So I am writing this to thank him for being there for me.

So here's another bad date story. What I'm just trying to say here is that you got to keep trying until you get it right.

I know I really shouldn't give in to the pressure my girl friend puts on me to go out with her and her boyfriend on a double date. She said I could use a little male attention. We were going to go out to eat at a restaurant and see what developed after. I never know what to wear because I'm hardly ever out of jeans and a T-shirt or Sweat-shirt. But tonight I find myself in a skirt and blouse, a bra (so my **** will be pointy and attract attention) and panty hose. It's been a long time since I looked like this and it feels strange.

But I guess when you're a girl you have to at least try to make yourself look pretty. Which is pretty hard for me. My girl friend Mary, her almost engaged boyfriend, and my date, pick me up in front of the house as I run to the car. Oh I forgot to mention I have on these weird shoes with heels that make it hard to walk and impossible to run. I do manage to get to the car, however, and just about topple in on top of my date in the back seat. As we untangle ourselves, I can feel his hand up my skirt as he extricates my body from his. Great start.

He tells me his name is Brad and that I look lovely as I try to pull my skirt down to where my panties don't show. I tell him that it is nice to meet him, which is the biggest lie I've told in a long time. Mary looks over at us from the front seat and tells me that I clean up real nice. I give her a phony smile and tell her how beautiful she looks tonight. She giggles because she knows I'm just pulling her chain.

Then Brad attempts to engage me in small talk on the way to the restaurant. He wants to know the usual stuff. Have I ever been married? Do I have a steady boyfriend now? Do I have any kids? I tell him no to all the above but don't ask him anything because I just don't care about the women in his life. I know I should be more friendly but I feel very vulnerable with a skirt on and feel like I need distance between us in order to feel comfortable. I guess feeling vulnerable is also part of the female trip.

We get to the restaurant and even have a few drinks and everyone is hoping that I will relax and go with the flow. After the meal, Mary's boyfriend invites us over to his place for a few more drinks. I knew this was coming because Mary and her friend are looking like they want to jump into each other pants. We arrive at Joe's apartment (Joe is Mary's boyfriend) and before you can say, "let's make out", Mary and Joe have escaped to Joe's bedroom, leaving me and Brad on the couch watching television.

I admit that I have been called frigid but I don't let that bother me. I just don't like to touch people who I really don't know and I don't like them to touch me either. I've already let perfect strangers paw and grab and grope me. Call me frigid or whatever, but it just doesn't turn me on. I like to know and like the person who is going to take off my blouse and have his way with me. I also like to know that I can let the other person know how far I want to go and he would respect my wishes. Brad was your typical,"lets' go all the way" kind of guy. But unfortunately for Brad, even though I had on a skirt, I was still stronger than he was from doing all the heavy work I do everyday on the farm. So I pushed him off of me onto the floor and told him I could probably rape him easier than he could rape me so maybe we'd better do something else. Of course he got pissed and started yelling at me until Mary and Joe came out of the bedroom in various stages of undress. They calmed Brad down and thought it best if they drove me home.

As I stepped out of the car in front of my house, I winked at Mary and said, "Well I guess that went well."

I've been having deep relationships in my virtual world and find my material world is effected by these relationships, for better or worse. So I don't see my virtual world as just fun and games anymore. I find even when I'm in the virtual world, God is there keeping score of my karma. But I don't mind, I've learned already that I can't hide from God and mostly I'm pleased to see Her smiling face when things get rough.
My last deep virtual relationship really rocked my boat. This guy I met was extremely exciting to me for some reason I wasn't really aware of at the time. We had great fun together and so of course I started falling for him emotionally. Then he told me he could only see me two days a week and I had to wait for him the other five days. Well I didn't go for that and told him that I couldn't see him on the two days he could see me. So that would have ended our relationship except for the fact that he relented and didn't leave me alone for five days at a time. So we got closer and closer emotionally when he said he had to go on a vacation for a week. I figured he had to iron out the lose ends of his material reality. Then ten days went by before I heard from him again and when I did I told him we were through. That only lasted until he came to see me again and I let myself get caught up in his web of emotions again. And sure enough I didn't see him again for another week but when I did I really let him have a piece of what was left of my mind. I knew at that point I was fighting for my freedom. I've seen plenty of my girl friends go down this road and never come back, but I've come to far on my spiritual path to let this guy control and use me.